seven days and seven nights of thunder

[dinosareneat]

i dont think ill ever fall in love again. im so cold to it now. i dont even really know what im sayiing. i just dont think its possible. i may have been in love once, but i really dont know. i dont think i know what love feels like. im so numb to anything involving the opposite sex and finding a soulmate. id like to believe it will happen for me one day, but until theni feel like im wasting my energy and emotions on others when i dont even want a relationship. ive never seen sex in the city but im pretty sure im like those women. i cant commit but then again never find anything worth commiting to. id ike having a good time thus i dont deny myself that.
i want a man to take it slow and sweep me off my feet, but not into bed. i want an old fashioned courtship. just two people becoming best friends the slow way. no sex of any sort or kind involved because i think as an overall outcome that screws up everything. i think thats why now-a-days many marriges result in divorce, although my parents are still together and they lived tgether before they were married.
i just dont understand the whole opposite sex thing and finding a mate. sometimes i wish my sex drive could just be removed and i could be like jesus and never worry about boys and making little sarahs. and sometimes i wish i was unattractive, that way no boys would be interested in me. im just tired of it and i haven't even really done it that much. it being dating. im way confused.
wouldn't true love be great if it were real.