infinite { myungsoo/sungyeol; aluminium }
myunsoo/sungyeol | pg-13 | 800w
he was desperate for things to remain the way it is
aluminium
the scent of shampoo lingers in the air. he touches the damp spot next to his head and buries his nose on the cold surface. the room always felt foreign to him, empty. truthfully, he hates being in it. sungyeol blinks once, tired. he continues to lie on the hard mattress.
sungyeol always made sure his sleeves are short and his shirt two sizes too big. sunggyu would scold him for buying clothes that don't fit. but sunggyu is 34 miles away and sunggyu wouldn’t ask much after a weak “hi” from sungyeol. (no matter how much sunggyu wants to.)
but sungyeol does it on purpose.
because he would be able to see, his ugly, pale skin with the splotches of blacks and blues, the shiny pinks and the stinging reds.
a strong reminder of what he is, what he always is, what he is meant to be.
sometimes the feelings start to wash away, sometimes he starts to feel the weight and suddenly he wants to forget. to stop waiting, to leave. (like what sunggyu tries to subtly tell him from time to time)
sungyeol snaps himself out with a pinch, rummaging the drawer for the pink cutter hidden amongst his boxers. he'll do anything. he promised to remember (it was a pinky promise, sealed with tingling kisses on his long fingers.)
promise promise promise his body screams for him to stop.
it hurt too much for him to think. he sleeps with an empty stomach, his limbs numb. others would think he’s weird. then again, he was always told that he was different. (“you’re special, sungyeol-ah.”)
he collapses the next day.
he opens his eyes to the sight of sunggyu’s anxious face. “hyung.” he almost whispers. sunggyu puts his fingers on sungyeol’s dry lips, sungyeol could see the trail of dried tears on his hyung’s cheeks. “myungsoo.” he says, his voice sore. sunggyu’s face darkens, knowing. nonetheless sunggyu points out the sleeping figure on the other side of his bed. sungyeol touches myungsoo’s head. he feels better, much better. a weak smile graces on his face as sunggyu tucks him to sleep.
sunggyu leaves a note, saying he was sorry he couldn’t stay long because of his work. and a few more things (sunggyu nags, even on paper.)
but sunggyu’s nagging was at the back of sungyeol’s mind. myungsoo was gone as soon as sungyeol was dropped off at the doorstep. “mad.” sungyeol thinks. “he’s mad.” his body trembles.
he couldn’t find his pink cutter.
myungsoo returns for dinner, a box of chicken in his hands. sungyeol manages to eat a piece without throwing up.
“soo.” he starts, as the other was flicking through channels. myungsoo finally decides on a random music program, fresh pop music filling the silence. “myungsoo.” sungyeol starts again, irritated. “myung-“ myungsoo slams the controller on the coffee table. sungyeol is shaken by the gesture, but he puts up a brave face anyway.
myungsoo turns, his face red. “what were you thinking.” he almost shouts. sungyeol froze, his talkative mouth stayed shut. myungsoo takes three steps towards him, and grabs his wrist. sungyeol tries to jerk his hand free, glaring as myungsoo tightens his grip. (myungsoo isn’t the only one with a temper.)
“stop it. ouch, myungsoo let me go!” myungsoo keeps his cold stare, taking out a pink object from the pocket of his black sweater. sungyeol’s eyes widens. “g-give that back, soo it’s mine.” “no. it’s mine, from now on.” myungsoo drags him to their room, the bubbly music still filling up the air.
sungyeol only remembers bits and pieces of the night before. he remembers crying, myungsoo’s face, he remembers the pain, his pink cutter, and blood, blood, blood everywhere. he remembers begging myungsoo to stop, the tight grip on his hips, his now bruising hips. sungyeol wasn’t surprised to see the empty spot beside him.
“i went to get breakfast.” myungsoo explains. “i thought you left.” myungsoo’s lips slightly curved upwards, a poor attempt of a smile. “when have i ever.” (still sungyeol knows it could happen anytime.)
but it was okay, it was okay if it was his fault. (he knows it is, even if myungsoo keeps telling him it not.) (“i’m s-“ “i know.” “no i mean-” “you told me, last night. i know, it’s not your fault.”) it was okay because myungsoo always manages to apologize first. (“does it hurt?” sungyeol bites back a whimper. “i’m sorry.” sungyeol feels light kisses on his now colourful skin.) myungsoo only apologizes once, but it’s enough. it’s enough for sungyeol to know, for sungyeol to keep going on, for sungyeol to keep believing. (“sshhh. i know, yeol. i love you too, stop crying.”) and sungyeol is okay, he’s okay with getting hurt, if it means myungsoo would love him back.
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a/n; this was in the junk folder for too long. unbeta-ed. sorry for any mistakes idk where my beta is and i'm in a rush to get this out of my system. i changed the font lul i couldn't resist the new one makes me cringe.