Thoughts.
[ for other_paths ]
So... weird things happen in Sunnydale. Okay, I'm down with that. It's a commonly known fact, even. Weird things happen, and then people ignore them and go on their merry way. People don't really want to acknowledge that there's more to life than what's solid, what you already know: your family, your friends, your school, the gruelling nine-to-five. They like to stay inside their bubbles. Their comfort zones. That's cool. That's human. I was like that, too. I saw strange things going on. People dissappearing. Kids ducking out of the Bronze and then never showing up again, their lockers getting cleaned out the next week because their body had been found a few blocks away, killed by some freak accident involving a barbecue fork to the neck. Always the same excuses. They were wearing thin. I know I'm not the only one who was starting to get suspicious. But I kept on. Denial is a way of life around here. It's not a decision. You don't choose to be in denial. You just do it. Simple as that.
But when the weird stuff starts happening to you, you can't pretend anymore. You can't deny what's going on in the world around you. For me, the time to stop pretending and step up to the plate had come. That was alright. I was ready to step out of my protective bubble. Maybe I wasn't ready for what was coming, but I was ready to start moving away from my comfort zone. Given the circumstances, it was more like I was pushed away from it, rather than walking away willingly. When the full moon rises and you find yourself growing fangs and all sorts of unsightly body hair... well.
Let's just say there was no more room for denial in my life. Not anymore.
Of course I knew what was happening to me. I'd seen plenty of monster movies, read plenty of Stephen King novels. I was a werewolf. Okay. I could deal with that. Kind of cool, actually, aside from the whole thing where I lose control and go on a killing rampage. Yeah. I'd have to find a way to do something about that. But I knew what I was. I knew what these changes were. And oddly, I wasn't surprised. I wasn't shocked. In fact, things were starting to make a little more sense now. I was starting to understand a little more about Sunnydale, about the world in general... about the so-called "nightlife."
So. Werewolf. Three nights in a row, I'd wolfed out and gone... well, I wish I knew where. It bothered me that I didn't remember what I had done while I was a wolf. I wanted to find a way to remedy that, if I could. I wanted to know where I'd gone, what I'd been doing. Just thinking about what horrible things I might have done made me feel sick. I'm not a violent kind of guy. Make love, not war.
With what I assumed were my monthly transformations now done and over with, I decided it was time to hit the books. Do a little research. Shoving my textbooks into my locker, I grabbed my backpack and put it over my shoulder, slamming the locker closed before starting off towards the library. I knew we had a lot of books on the occult there... the supernatural. No doubt I'd find something useful. I was there in record time. I didn't come to the library very often, but today I was walking with purpose. I was a man on a mission. It was time to go on a little journey of self-discovery. Setting my jaw, I pushed my way through the double-doors that led into the dimly-lit library, pausing to let my eyes adjust to the darkness as I entered.
So... weird things happen in Sunnydale. Okay, I'm down with that. It's a commonly known fact, even. Weird things happen, and then people ignore them and go on their merry way. People don't really want to acknowledge that there's more to life than what's solid, what you already know: your family, your friends, your school, the gruelling nine-to-five. They like to stay inside their bubbles. Their comfort zones. That's cool. That's human. I was like that, too. I saw strange things going on. People dissappearing. Kids ducking out of the Bronze and then never showing up again, their lockers getting cleaned out the next week because their body had been found a few blocks away, killed by some freak accident involving a barbecue fork to the neck. Always the same excuses. They were wearing thin. I know I'm not the only one who was starting to get suspicious. But I kept on. Denial is a way of life around here. It's not a decision. You don't choose to be in denial. You just do it. Simple as that.
But when the weird stuff starts happening to you, you can't pretend anymore. You can't deny what's going on in the world around you. For me, the time to stop pretending and step up to the plate had come. That was alright. I was ready to step out of my protective bubble. Maybe I wasn't ready for what was coming, but I was ready to start moving away from my comfort zone. Given the circumstances, it was more like I was pushed away from it, rather than walking away willingly. When the full moon rises and you find yourself growing fangs and all sorts of unsightly body hair... well.
Let's just say there was no more room for denial in my life. Not anymore.
Of course I knew what was happening to me. I'd seen plenty of monster movies, read plenty of Stephen King novels. I was a werewolf. Okay. I could deal with that. Kind of cool, actually, aside from the whole thing where I lose control and go on a killing rampage. Yeah. I'd have to find a way to do something about that. But I knew what I was. I knew what these changes were. And oddly, I wasn't surprised. I wasn't shocked. In fact, things were starting to make a little more sense now. I was starting to understand a little more about Sunnydale, about the world in general... about the so-called "nightlife."
So. Werewolf. Three nights in a row, I'd wolfed out and gone... well, I wish I knew where. It bothered me that I didn't remember what I had done while I was a wolf. I wanted to find a way to remedy that, if I could. I wanted to know where I'd gone, what I'd been doing. Just thinking about what horrible things I might have done made me feel sick. I'm not a violent kind of guy. Make love, not war.
With what I assumed were my monthly transformations now done and over with, I decided it was time to hit the books. Do a little research. Shoving my textbooks into my locker, I grabbed my backpack and put it over my shoulder, slamming the locker closed before starting off towards the library. I knew we had a lot of books on the occult there... the supernatural. No doubt I'd find something useful. I was there in record time. I didn't come to the library very often, but today I was walking with purpose. I was a man on a mission. It was time to go on a little journey of self-discovery. Setting my jaw, I pushed my way through the double-doors that led into the dimly-lit library, pausing to let my eyes adjust to the darkness as I entered.