I sure am racist.
Greetings Awesome Dudes and common folks. Now that I am sober, albeit tired, I will attempt writing an update to meet your standards and mine.
Friday I woke up, anxious and bouncing about like an old-timey stereotypical elephant around a mouse. I sat around the house some, sitting online talking to the folk and whatnot. Things I usually do when I wake up. Today wasn't just any old fool's day, though! Today was going to be a guaranteed good time. Why so cocky about my good time, you ask? I don't want to sploil it, so read on.
Amber and Garrett came a knockin' at my door and they rounded me up. We hopped on into the car and road along our merry way. Apparently we were too attend a small gathering of guys being drunk tonight. I associated alcohol with a good time and decided it wouldn't be so bad. After getting lost because we came from the wrong direction, we reached our house of choice. A call was made to the occupant inside said house, and we waited a few seconds before they exited their house. I looked back anxiously, and what do I know? It's fellow Awesome Dude, Robyn! Oh joyous of joys here is my new buddy, we will have a good time in the back seat of party animals. I scooted on over and opened up the door for her, and she climbed inside our humble wagon of travel. We drove along and exchanged some currency and were accused of stealing tobacco, and it was loads of fun.
After losing our way a bit more, we arrived at the previously-mentioned gathering of drunkards. Garrett and I immediately thought they were all idiots. We ran on inside and I sat down on the comfortable couch. Amber and Garrett made their new home a lovely chair nearby, and Robyn came over and planted herself on my lap. I thought, "Well this is dandy." And then some odd-looking fellow came and sat down next to me and introduced himself. He was clearly one of the drunkards, and went on to talk about racism and hatred. I nodded and smiled like any nice person ignoring someone else would do. It turns out he was a painter, and a good time one at that. He took us into his room and showed us some fantabulous works of art he had hanging about. Garrett and I laughed at the X-Box and made the usual joke.
Here is where things go downhill for your trusty head Awesome Dude. "You guys want to do some shots!?", me and Garrett were asked. Who are we to decline? I won't bore you much with the details of the drinking, since it's not very entertaining. In the end I used Robyn as a back scratcher, and was heavily intoxicated. I consumed nine shots of cheap ass brown shitty tequila on an empty stomach, and this was the worst idea ever. I could barely walk, stand, move, or see. I quickly found a chair and fell down in it.
While being a drunken idiot, I think I must've said "I like Robyn a whole lot. I mean, like, I like her a whole whole lot. She's like the best." a good 1300 times to each person there. I'm sure this was extremely enjoyable for the two sober ladies in attendance! Time to go, it was. I stumbled down the stairs and fell down in the grass outside. I got helped up, and thrown into the back seat. Long story short, I repeated myself some more then vomited up blood on Garrett's back seat. This is the way to make a good first impression, so take notes. I sat with my head in my lap groaning until we got back to my house. I couldn't get out of the car, and Garrett had to push me out and have Amber catch me. He saw my bloody vomit and ran to vomit himself. Amber carried me up to the door to my apartment and they unlocked the door for me. This was not a good time.
That's right! Even in my most retarded state ever, I still thought to take a picture. I couldn't operate the camera so Garrett did the honors. Thanks to Amber for holding me up somewhat straight. I fell down on my bed and mumbled "Fuck you" repeatedly to both of them. I was more miserable than ever in my life now, and it served me right I tell you what.
I passed out for three hours, woke up, and stumbled to my computer. I was still retarded and felt extremely shitty at this point. I talked to a few people online, left Amber a drunken voice message with more "Fuck you" included, and took a shower. After the shower I made me some not-so-tasty eggs and ate them like a piece of not tasty food. I can still taste the alcohol a little and I still have a stomach ache. Worst lesson learned ever.
Meet Awesome Dude Robyn. She's pretty god damn rad isn't she Awesome Dudes.
Then today after I woke up and was done being sick, Garrett came on over. Amber had to work, so we decided Captain D's looked tasty. We also decided that bringing our new buddy Robyn would be excellent, as well. We had ourselves a good eat and a good car ride and a good talk to some dogs, I tell you what.
Help me out here, I'm not good with the ladies.
Friday I woke up, anxious and bouncing about like an old-timey stereotypical elephant around a mouse. I sat around the house some, sitting online talking to the folk and whatnot. Things I usually do when I wake up. Today wasn't just any old fool's day, though! Today was going to be a guaranteed good time. Why so cocky about my good time, you ask? I don't want to sploil it, so read on.
Amber and Garrett came a knockin' at my door and they rounded me up. We hopped on into the car and road along our merry way. Apparently we were too attend a small gathering of guys being drunk tonight. I associated alcohol with a good time and decided it wouldn't be so bad. After getting lost because we came from the wrong direction, we reached our house of choice. A call was made to the occupant inside said house, and we waited a few seconds before they exited their house. I looked back anxiously, and what do I know? It's fellow Awesome Dude, Robyn! Oh joyous of joys here is my new buddy, we will have a good time in the back seat of party animals. I scooted on over and opened up the door for her, and she climbed inside our humble wagon of travel. We drove along and exchanged some currency and were accused of stealing tobacco, and it was loads of fun.
After losing our way a bit more, we arrived at the previously-mentioned gathering of drunkards. Garrett and I immediately thought they were all idiots. We ran on inside and I sat down on the comfortable couch. Amber and Garrett made their new home a lovely chair nearby, and Robyn came over and planted herself on my lap. I thought, "Well this is dandy." And then some odd-looking fellow came and sat down next to me and introduced himself. He was clearly one of the drunkards, and went on to talk about racism and hatred. I nodded and smiled like any nice person ignoring someone else would do. It turns out he was a painter, and a good time one at that. He took us into his room and showed us some fantabulous works of art he had hanging about. Garrett and I laughed at the X-Box and made the usual joke.
Here is where things go downhill for your trusty head Awesome Dude. "You guys want to do some shots!?", me and Garrett were asked. Who are we to decline? I won't bore you much with the details of the drinking, since it's not very entertaining. In the end I used Robyn as a back scratcher, and was heavily intoxicated. I consumed nine shots of cheap ass brown shitty tequila on an empty stomach, and this was the worst idea ever. I could barely walk, stand, move, or see. I quickly found a chair and fell down in it.
While being a drunken idiot, I think I must've said "I like Robyn a whole lot. I mean, like, I like her a whole whole lot. She's like the best." a good 1300 times to each person there. I'm sure this was extremely enjoyable for the two sober ladies in attendance! Time to go, it was. I stumbled down the stairs and fell down in the grass outside. I got helped up, and thrown into the back seat. Long story short, I repeated myself some more then vomited up blood on Garrett's back seat. This is the way to make a good first impression, so take notes. I sat with my head in my lap groaning until we got back to my house. I couldn't get out of the car, and Garrett had to push me out and have Amber catch me. He saw my bloody vomit and ran to vomit himself. Amber carried me up to the door to my apartment and they unlocked the door for me. This was not a good time.
That's right! Even in my most retarded state ever, I still thought to take a picture. I couldn't operate the camera so Garrett did the honors. Thanks to Amber for holding me up somewhat straight. I fell down on my bed and mumbled "Fuck you" repeatedly to both of them. I was more miserable than ever in my life now, and it served me right I tell you what.
I passed out for three hours, woke up, and stumbled to my computer. I was still retarded and felt extremely shitty at this point. I talked to a few people online, left Amber a drunken voice message with more "Fuck you" included, and took a shower. After the shower I made me some not-so-tasty eggs and ate them like a piece of not tasty food. I can still taste the alcohol a little and I still have a stomach ache. Worst lesson learned ever.
Meet Awesome Dude Robyn. She's pretty god damn rad isn't she Awesome Dudes.
Then today after I woke up and was done being sick, Garrett came on over. Amber had to work, so we decided Captain D's looked tasty. We also decided that bringing our new buddy Robyn would be excellent, as well. We had ourselves a good eat and a good car ride and a good talk to some dogs, I tell you what.
Help me out here, I'm not good with the ladies.