Repressed 6/7
Summery: Ianto wakes up one morning to discover he's missing 3 months of memories.
Warnings: kitty cuteness, implied non-con, implied violence, may trigger.
Disclaimer: Torchwood is not mine. Invitation to Love is not mine either.
Comments: I miss counted, there are seven chapters, not six. My offer still stands, who ever can guess where the Invitation to Love soap opera comes from will get the story of their choice written.
Cat-Babies and Monkey Bullocks
Nearly a month later Ianto found himself behind an abandoned doll factory staring down into a muddy crater containing the twisted wreckage of a small space craft, its unidentifiable pilot draped in a white sheet.
The rats in his stomach were breeding and clawing out new cavities to make homes for their young. This made it impossible for Ianto to get down more than a few hundred calories a day. He knew he should take his suits in to get them altered, but he was finding it difficult to care that they were starting to hang off of him like circus tents draped over a two by four. Jack was trying not to let Ianto see exactly how much this worried him, but the mask was getting thin.
The excuses and lies were getting easier to fabricate every time it took him twenty minutes longer than it should have to pick up a round of coffee or a few bags of food. Sometimes he didn't bother at all. It was only a matter of time before Jack or Owen picked up on it. If they hadn't already. A big part of him was hoping they would confront him sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately it seemed everyone decided he needed space. Of course this was the message he'd been sending them with not so subtle snappy hints, but he hadn't relay expected they would heed it.
Now his nightmares were changing. The dimly lit corridors were still there along with the filth and the heavy footsteps descending the stairs. But now he would get to a point where he would catch sight of some sort of salvation. It was usually Jack, sometimes a familiar room in the hub or his apartment, and sometimes it was his mother. It was always at the end of a long hallway and the closer he got to the end the more the floor would tilt up until he was scrambling on his belly to get purchase on the cold slimy cement while he slid backwards toward the sound of the heavy foot falls.
“Ianto!” Jack called, poking his head up from what could be the cockpit of the craft.
Ianto did his best to stifle his startled jump and lifted his tray of plastic capped paper cups. Jack smiled.
“Coffee is here!” The captain called into his com.
One by one the rest of the team drifted in with thank yous and “It's about bloody time, tea boy,” from Owen, of course as he passed the hot drinks out.
“We're getting some readings about a quarter of a mile to the South,” Tosh reported, indicating the patchy, overgrown field beyond the crash site. “Looks quite a bit smaller than the craft. It could just be another piece.”
A walk would be nice. “I'll go with Tosh,” Ianto volunteered.
“Stick together,” Jack instructed.
The found a pod about the size of one of those tiny Smart Cars at the end of a deep furrow carved into the gravely dirt. It was remarkably intact, sleek and round with a few blinking lights dotted around its circumference. Ianto hit his com. “Jack, we've got something active. You'd better come take a look at it.”
It turned out to be an escape pod, probably ejected from the craft at the last minute. Ianto kept a hand on his gun as Jack and Tosh opened it, tensing a bit when a high pitched wail pierced the air as soon as the hatch cracked. When it was open, everyone just stared at it dumbfounded for a moment or two.
“Some one must've really loved their cat,” Owen commented.
Jack laughed and crouched down to extract what appeared to be a large and slightly misshapen house cat from an intricate harness in the bottom of the craft. It was wrapped in a fuzzy green blanket patterned with baby birds. A small note was pinned to its front. Ianto was sure the thing would bolt from Jack's arms as soon as it was free leaving the blanket behind. He very nearly laughed as Jack cooed it like an infant, rocking it against his chest with a silly grin and words of reassurance.
“It's not a cat,” Jack said as much to everyone's astonishment the creature began to calm down. “It's a Cat-Person.” He plucked the note off the front of the blanket.
“A Cat-Person?” Owen was incredulous.
“She's a sentient creature,” Jack explained, “A baby to be exact, probably not much older than 6 months.” The girls were crowding in to get a closer look, delighted at this adorable new find.
“You have got to be joking,” Owen muttered.
“Her name is Rachel,” Jack said as he read the note. Ianto thought this was an odd name for a Cat-Baby.
“Oh my god!” Gwen squealed, “Look at her tiny, furry hands!” Jack laughed as the cat began to cry and fuss again.
The rest of the salvage operation was rushed. They hurried to rip out various critical or potentially dangerous components before Jack made the call to UNIT to come in and clear away the bulk of the wreckage and the body. A few bags of supplies were found in the escape pod, and these were brought back to the hub.
Everything cat person related was brought down to the autopsy theater to sort through while Owen checked over the baby. In the bags Ianto and Tosh found an amusing combination of the sort of cat toys that might be found in any pet store (sans catnip), and what appeared to be standard baby supplies. There was formula, wet wipes, a selection of oddly shaped pacifiers, a couple of picture books, and, of course, nappies.
Ianto started at the familiar plastic crinkle of a nappy being unfolded. “Oh me god! Look at this!” It was now Tosh's turn to squeal as she held it up. High in the seat of the nappy there was a puckered spout about an inch and a half long, just big enough around to accommodate the baby's furry, stripped tail.
Owen burst out laughing. Ianto really wanted to join him, but for some reason the rats in his stomach were becoming restless. In what looked alarmingly like a well practiced move, Jack scooped the fussing baby up, lifted it's diaper clad butt up to his nose, and sniffed. “I'll bet you'd like a nice clean nappy, wouldn't you?” Then he set the cat down on his back and got to work at something he'd clearly done many times before.
Ianto wanted to say something, wanted to ask the new questions that were burning in his mind, but his throat was closing up. It was time to duck out and hide himself in the furthest bathroom he could find, but much to his horror he found himself rooted to the spot. The dirty nappy opened up and the sight and smell hit him like a wall of water.
This time when he opened his eyes to find Jack crouched in front of him, he saw Owen's ratty trainers as well, and he realize he just scrambled into the corner on elbows and knees like some sort of wounded animal in front of the entire team.
“Oh fuck,” he gasped, “oh fuck.” Shame seared him like a brand to his chest. He began to pant, his entire body convulsing with the effort to take in as little oxygen as quickly as possible. Suddenly Owen was at his side.
“Sedative mate?” He murmured it cool and calm. Ianto managed to nod, reaching out with a shaking hand to accept it. Instead he felt his sleeve pushed up and a prick in his arm. His muscles began to uncurl almost immediately His throat relaxed and oxygen poured into his burning chest. Owen was examining his bicep critically “You're loosing too much weight,” He commented.
Ianto slumped back against the wall and tried to avoid the open concern in Jack's eyes as he scanned the room. Aside from the three of them, the hub appeared to be empty and quiet.
“The girls took the Cat-Baby down stairs. I think they're discussing the theme for it's nursery.” Owen said, “You should have seen their faces when I suggested angry pit bull wall paper.”
Ianto forced a small smile onto his face for a second to thank Owen for not making a big deal of this.
“Do you know what set you off?” the Doctor asked.
“Not a fucking clue,” Ianto muttered, with a heavy sigh. “They all saw me, didn't they?”
“Don't worry about it, mate.” Owen squeezed his shoulder. Ianto scoffed. How was he not supposed to worry about losing control in front of everyone? “Will you reconsider that apatite medication?” Owen asked. “It will help you eat, and I know you'll feel better if you put on a few pounds.”
Ianto sighed again, rubbing fresh tears from his eyes as he focused on a crack in the tile floor.
“At least try some protein shakes. They taist like purrayed monkey bullocks, but they'll give you a lot of calories in something that might be easier and quicker to get down. We can add some probiotics to them as well.”
Ianto considered the crack for a moment more. “Okay,” he said, “But only if they come in chocolate monkey bullocks.”
Owen grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. “You're gonna be fine,” He said. “Jack's taking you home for the rest of the day. I'll stop by later with some supplies.”
Ianto floated on a cloud of sedatives all the way home as he stared out the window of his own car at the passing damp scenery and over cast sky. He allowed Jack to help him up to his flat with an arm around his waist and a shoulder to lean on before he collapsed in front of the telly. He fumbled around in the couch cushions for a remote (Jack could never just leave it on the coffee table) and flicked it on.
“You sure you don't want to go to bed?” Jack asked.
“I'm sure I want to be awake and distracted,” Ianto replied, “Besides, Invitation to Love is coming on, and I want to find out who the father of Jade's baby is.”
“Coffee then?”
“Please.” He was exhausted enough to accept Jack's coffee.
As the theme song came up Jack settled in beside Ianto with a pair of warm mugs in his hands.
Ianto's mind was still churning. “Who freaks out over a dirty nappy?” he asked. “It makes no sense. What did he do? Torment me with smelly babies?”
Jack was silent. Ianto watched the older man sip his coffee, studiously keeping his eyes focused on the TV screen.
“You know something, don't you?” Ianto said.
Jack's expression became pained, and a pit slowly opened up in Ianto's stomach
“I want to see the police file.” Ianto decided. “The whole thing. Every detail. I'm sick of wandering blind through this mine field my life has become.”
Jack shook his head. “I really don't think that's a good idea,” he said.
“But sticking me out in the field where someone could get hurt or killed because any random harmless thing could send me into a fit of catatonia is?”
“Ianto--”
Ianto slammed his mug down on the table hard enough to slosh half the steaming liquid over the side as he sprang to his feet. “Damn it, Jack! I can't live like this! Everywhere I go, I'm wandering what will set me off next. Should I be avoiding duck ponds? Should I be afraid of shopping trollies? Is there something lurking in the bloody car park that will send me screaming into the corner? I'm sick of it! I can only do my grocery shopping in the dead of night when everyone else is at home in bed! I've memorized how many steps it takes me to get to each item I customarily buy because I'm afraid If I look up at the shelves I'll be set off by a jar of pickles, or a box of biscuits or something.”
Jack was looking at him now. “Ianto,” he said. “I'm sorry. I didn't realize it had gotten that bad.”
Ianto took a deep breath, feeling a little better now that he had a good rant. “Will you get me the police file?” Ianto asked.
“You should talk to Owen and Helen first.”
“Fine,” Ianto said. “Then will you get me the police file?”
Jack nodded.
“Thank you.”
They watched the telly for a few moments, not really following the dialogue as Jade's twin sister, Emerald, plotted to steel her unborn baby away from her with her nefarious boy friend, Montana.
“I'm taking you out of the field,” Jack said. “You're having too many panic attacks.”
Ianto wandered how long Jack knew about his secret. “Fine,” the young man said.
“I'm giving you the week off. Maybe you should go back to part time for a while.”
“No.” Ianto said. “I am not going to sit around in my flat with nothing to do but watch soap operas and wallow in misery. I'm staying on full time. I don't care if all you let me do is clean and make coffee.”
Jack considered the contents of his coffee mug for a moment. “Alright, but only if you either drink the monkey bullocks shakes or take those pills Owen wants to give you.”
“Fine.” Ianto said.
“Fine.” Jack agreed.
Warnings: kitty cuteness, implied non-con, implied violence, may trigger.
Disclaimer: Torchwood is not mine. Invitation to Love is not mine either.
Comments: I miss counted, there are seven chapters, not six. My offer still stands, who ever can guess where the Invitation to Love soap opera comes from will get the story of their choice written.
Cat-Babies and Monkey Bullocks
Nearly a month later Ianto found himself behind an abandoned doll factory staring down into a muddy crater containing the twisted wreckage of a small space craft, its unidentifiable pilot draped in a white sheet.
The rats in his stomach were breeding and clawing out new cavities to make homes for their young. This made it impossible for Ianto to get down more than a few hundred calories a day. He knew he should take his suits in to get them altered, but he was finding it difficult to care that they were starting to hang off of him like circus tents draped over a two by four. Jack was trying not to let Ianto see exactly how much this worried him, but the mask was getting thin.
The excuses and lies were getting easier to fabricate every time it took him twenty minutes longer than it should have to pick up a round of coffee or a few bags of food. Sometimes he didn't bother at all. It was only a matter of time before Jack or Owen picked up on it. If they hadn't already. A big part of him was hoping they would confront him sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately it seemed everyone decided he needed space. Of course this was the message he'd been sending them with not so subtle snappy hints, but he hadn't relay expected they would heed it.
Now his nightmares were changing. The dimly lit corridors were still there along with the filth and the heavy footsteps descending the stairs. But now he would get to a point where he would catch sight of some sort of salvation. It was usually Jack, sometimes a familiar room in the hub or his apartment, and sometimes it was his mother. It was always at the end of a long hallway and the closer he got to the end the more the floor would tilt up until he was scrambling on his belly to get purchase on the cold slimy cement while he slid backwards toward the sound of the heavy foot falls.
“Ianto!” Jack called, poking his head up from what could be the cockpit of the craft.
Ianto did his best to stifle his startled jump and lifted his tray of plastic capped paper cups. Jack smiled.
“Coffee is here!” The captain called into his com.
One by one the rest of the team drifted in with thank yous and “It's about bloody time, tea boy,” from Owen, of course as he passed the hot drinks out.
“We're getting some readings about a quarter of a mile to the South,” Tosh reported, indicating the patchy, overgrown field beyond the crash site. “Looks quite a bit smaller than the craft. It could just be another piece.”
A walk would be nice. “I'll go with Tosh,” Ianto volunteered.
“Stick together,” Jack instructed.
The found a pod about the size of one of those tiny Smart Cars at the end of a deep furrow carved into the gravely dirt. It was remarkably intact, sleek and round with a few blinking lights dotted around its circumference. Ianto hit his com. “Jack, we've got something active. You'd better come take a look at it.”
It turned out to be an escape pod, probably ejected from the craft at the last minute. Ianto kept a hand on his gun as Jack and Tosh opened it, tensing a bit when a high pitched wail pierced the air as soon as the hatch cracked. When it was open, everyone just stared at it dumbfounded for a moment or two.
“Some one must've really loved their cat,” Owen commented.
Jack laughed and crouched down to extract what appeared to be a large and slightly misshapen house cat from an intricate harness in the bottom of the craft. It was wrapped in a fuzzy green blanket patterned with baby birds. A small note was pinned to its front. Ianto was sure the thing would bolt from Jack's arms as soon as it was free leaving the blanket behind. He very nearly laughed as Jack cooed it like an infant, rocking it against his chest with a silly grin and words of reassurance.
“It's not a cat,” Jack said as much to everyone's astonishment the creature began to calm down. “It's a Cat-Person.” He plucked the note off the front of the blanket.
“A Cat-Person?” Owen was incredulous.
“She's a sentient creature,” Jack explained, “A baby to be exact, probably not much older than 6 months.” The girls were crowding in to get a closer look, delighted at this adorable new find.
“You have got to be joking,” Owen muttered.
“Her name is Rachel,” Jack said as he read the note. Ianto thought this was an odd name for a Cat-Baby.
“Oh my god!” Gwen squealed, “Look at her tiny, furry hands!” Jack laughed as the cat began to cry and fuss again.
The rest of the salvage operation was rushed. They hurried to rip out various critical or potentially dangerous components before Jack made the call to UNIT to come in and clear away the bulk of the wreckage and the body. A few bags of supplies were found in the escape pod, and these were brought back to the hub.
Everything cat person related was brought down to the autopsy theater to sort through while Owen checked over the baby. In the bags Ianto and Tosh found an amusing combination of the sort of cat toys that might be found in any pet store (sans catnip), and what appeared to be standard baby supplies. There was formula, wet wipes, a selection of oddly shaped pacifiers, a couple of picture books, and, of course, nappies.
Ianto started at the familiar plastic crinkle of a nappy being unfolded. “Oh me god! Look at this!” It was now Tosh's turn to squeal as she held it up. High in the seat of the nappy there was a puckered spout about an inch and a half long, just big enough around to accommodate the baby's furry, stripped tail.
Owen burst out laughing. Ianto really wanted to join him, but for some reason the rats in his stomach were becoming restless. In what looked alarmingly like a well practiced move, Jack scooped the fussing baby up, lifted it's diaper clad butt up to his nose, and sniffed. “I'll bet you'd like a nice clean nappy, wouldn't you?” Then he set the cat down on his back and got to work at something he'd clearly done many times before.
Ianto wanted to say something, wanted to ask the new questions that were burning in his mind, but his throat was closing up. It was time to duck out and hide himself in the furthest bathroom he could find, but much to his horror he found himself rooted to the spot. The dirty nappy opened up and the sight and smell hit him like a wall of water.
This time when he opened his eyes to find Jack crouched in front of him, he saw Owen's ratty trainers as well, and he realize he just scrambled into the corner on elbows and knees like some sort of wounded animal in front of the entire team.
“Oh fuck,” he gasped, “oh fuck.” Shame seared him like a brand to his chest. He began to pant, his entire body convulsing with the effort to take in as little oxygen as quickly as possible. Suddenly Owen was at his side.
“Sedative mate?” He murmured it cool and calm. Ianto managed to nod, reaching out with a shaking hand to accept it. Instead he felt his sleeve pushed up and a prick in his arm. His muscles began to uncurl almost immediately His throat relaxed and oxygen poured into his burning chest. Owen was examining his bicep critically “You're loosing too much weight,” He commented.
Ianto slumped back against the wall and tried to avoid the open concern in Jack's eyes as he scanned the room. Aside from the three of them, the hub appeared to be empty and quiet.
“The girls took the Cat-Baby down stairs. I think they're discussing the theme for it's nursery.” Owen said, “You should have seen their faces when I suggested angry pit bull wall paper.”
Ianto forced a small smile onto his face for a second to thank Owen for not making a big deal of this.
“Do you know what set you off?” the Doctor asked.
“Not a fucking clue,” Ianto muttered, with a heavy sigh. “They all saw me, didn't they?”
“Don't worry about it, mate.” Owen squeezed his shoulder. Ianto scoffed. How was he not supposed to worry about losing control in front of everyone? “Will you reconsider that apatite medication?” Owen asked. “It will help you eat, and I know you'll feel better if you put on a few pounds.”
Ianto sighed again, rubbing fresh tears from his eyes as he focused on a crack in the tile floor.
“At least try some protein shakes. They taist like purrayed monkey bullocks, but they'll give you a lot of calories in something that might be easier and quicker to get down. We can add some probiotics to them as well.”
Ianto considered the crack for a moment more. “Okay,” he said, “But only if they come in chocolate monkey bullocks.”
Owen grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. “You're gonna be fine,” He said. “Jack's taking you home for the rest of the day. I'll stop by later with some supplies.”
Ianto floated on a cloud of sedatives all the way home as he stared out the window of his own car at the passing damp scenery and over cast sky. He allowed Jack to help him up to his flat with an arm around his waist and a shoulder to lean on before he collapsed in front of the telly. He fumbled around in the couch cushions for a remote (Jack could never just leave it on the coffee table) and flicked it on.
“You sure you don't want to go to bed?” Jack asked.
“I'm sure I want to be awake and distracted,” Ianto replied, “Besides, Invitation to Love is coming on, and I want to find out who the father of Jade's baby is.”
“Coffee then?”
“Please.” He was exhausted enough to accept Jack's coffee.
As the theme song came up Jack settled in beside Ianto with a pair of warm mugs in his hands.
Ianto's mind was still churning. “Who freaks out over a dirty nappy?” he asked. “It makes no sense. What did he do? Torment me with smelly babies?”
Jack was silent. Ianto watched the older man sip his coffee, studiously keeping his eyes focused on the TV screen.
“You know something, don't you?” Ianto said.
Jack's expression became pained, and a pit slowly opened up in Ianto's stomach
“I want to see the police file.” Ianto decided. “The whole thing. Every detail. I'm sick of wandering blind through this mine field my life has become.”
Jack shook his head. “I really don't think that's a good idea,” he said.
“But sticking me out in the field where someone could get hurt or killed because any random harmless thing could send me into a fit of catatonia is?”
“Ianto--”
Ianto slammed his mug down on the table hard enough to slosh half the steaming liquid over the side as he sprang to his feet. “Damn it, Jack! I can't live like this! Everywhere I go, I'm wandering what will set me off next. Should I be avoiding duck ponds? Should I be afraid of shopping trollies? Is there something lurking in the bloody car park that will send me screaming into the corner? I'm sick of it! I can only do my grocery shopping in the dead of night when everyone else is at home in bed! I've memorized how many steps it takes me to get to each item I customarily buy because I'm afraid If I look up at the shelves I'll be set off by a jar of pickles, or a box of biscuits or something.”
Jack was looking at him now. “Ianto,” he said. “I'm sorry. I didn't realize it had gotten that bad.”
Ianto took a deep breath, feeling a little better now that he had a good rant. “Will you get me the police file?” Ianto asked.
“You should talk to Owen and Helen first.”
“Fine,” Ianto said. “Then will you get me the police file?”
Jack nodded.
“Thank you.”
They watched the telly for a few moments, not really following the dialogue as Jade's twin sister, Emerald, plotted to steel her unborn baby away from her with her nefarious boy friend, Montana.
“I'm taking you out of the field,” Jack said. “You're having too many panic attacks.”
Ianto wandered how long Jack knew about his secret. “Fine,” the young man said.
“I'm giving you the week off. Maybe you should go back to part time for a while.”
“No.” Ianto said. “I am not going to sit around in my flat with nothing to do but watch soap operas and wallow in misery. I'm staying on full time. I don't care if all you let me do is clean and make coffee.”
Jack considered the contents of his coffee mug for a moment. “Alright, but only if you either drink the monkey bullocks shakes or take those pills Owen wants to give you.”
“Fine.” Ianto said.
“Fine.” Jack agreed.