(no subject)
I'm having sort of a rough time right now. I'm the type that needs to analyze everything and needs a reason, I can't leave anything unresolved or it drives me crazy. But there is no explanation for this, and it will never be okay, no matter how much I try to make it be. I'm trying to be a strong person, but I think this is the weakest and most alone I have ever felt.
I feel like I need to get the hell out of here. Not out of Saginaw necessarily, but out of my own head. Maybe out of Saginaw would help, though I've only been here for four days...I have no idea how the summer will go. Hopefully this will have dulled by then. I'm just sort of lost. When you have a direction you think your life is taking, and then it all goes to hell, it's the most hopeless feeling ever. I'm trying to get my bearings back. I'm trying to force myself to hate someone that I would still want to be with if he hadn't fucked everything up so bad.
Right now, I feel like sheer distraction is my only hope. I've tried to resolve things, but that just leads to me wanting to forgive but realizing even if I do things won't be right again. The next month will be easy enough, cause school is going to be a bitch, and spring is here. But summer is what I'm worried about. It gives me way too much time to think, which is the opposite of what I need right now. Fuck, I want out.
I feel like I need to get the hell out of here. Not out of Saginaw necessarily, but out of my own head. Maybe out of Saginaw would help, though I've only been here for four days...I have no idea how the summer will go. Hopefully this will have dulled by then. I'm just sort of lost. When you have a direction you think your life is taking, and then it all goes to hell, it's the most hopeless feeling ever. I'm trying to get my bearings back. I'm trying to force myself to hate someone that I would still want to be with if he hadn't fucked everything up so bad.
Right now, I feel like sheer distraction is my only hope. I've tried to resolve things, but that just leads to me wanting to forgive but realizing even if I do things won't be right again. The next month will be easy enough, cause school is going to be a bitch, and spring is here. But summer is what I'm worried about. It gives me way too much time to think, which is the opposite of what I need right now. Fuck, I want out.