(no subject)
I feel so disillusioned. My innocence and belief in the goodness of others is so off track. To serve others and treat them with regard is what I thought others would do as well. I respected elders and assumed they were always right. They would drink a bottle of gin and blow smoke in my face but I believed them when they said I should be a nun. I watched The Sound of Music and wanted to sing My Favorite Things in a rainstorm. The United States were the Superfriends and the Legion of Doom were the evildoers. But, with age comes wisdom, disappointment and sadness. In eyes of a ten year old the President is strong and the protector. A father for the country. Little did I know then that there were fathers who lied, left, drank, drugged and hit. Little did I know that President Reagan declared ketchup a vegetable. He was a tall handsome man who won the cold *war*. Little did I know that there was so much corruption, deceit and hypocrisy in politics. I voted for Bill when I was just out of college and I voted for him a second time. Even then I didn't think he cheated on Hillary. Gay rights, programs for the poor, racial equality, environmental policies that were unprecedented. He was my guy. Today, I read that Hillary criticizes the ports deal while he works with the UAE to find a way to make it work. What? Why? When I was a kid my biggest worry was getting number 15 on the soccer team. My second concern was which flavor Gatorade my mom would buy for the team. Today, I see the world for what it is and I long for my shin guards and grass stained shorts. Today, I know that sometimes love isn't enough when reality sinks in. I know that I could take my life or someone elses. I know that Grandpa Hyde was a bit of a redneck and Popadee was a bit of a womanizer. I know that the people who told me I should be a nun were alcoholics who abused their kids but believed in the Virgin Mary. Today I know that dreams don't always come true and I am uncertain whether I have one anymore. I know that the Superfriends were a cartoon and the evildoer is our own President. I know that many are indifferent about the world and don't care about the news unless they have their Nikes. I know that Hillary will not be the first female President and if the Democrats think she can be then they are bigger idiots than the current administration. I know that Grey's Anatomy is good but Six Feet Under was better. I don't know if it is a blessing that I was so sheltered or taught never to lie, told to say please and thank you...hey buddy, thanks for cutting me off on the freeway...officer, thank you for the ticket, no officer, I don't know why I was speeding. What would've happened if I asked Auntie Louise to not blow smoke in my face? A slap? A scolding? Perhaps I would have realized then that I was gay and the nunnery was not for me.