revelation, declaration (reposted from my blog)
(part 1)
i remember buying my copy of "the art of happiness" by the Dalai Lama (my original receipt was still in the book, bought in '99. damn that was a while ago). i was in high school, and not in a very good frame of mind. constant depression, hating everything. so i got about 10 pages in and just couldn't bring myself to finish the rest of it. i don't really know why, maybe i didn't think i was capable of being happy at that point, maybe i didn't think i deserved it, maybe i thought it was bollocks. so i left it to gather dust on my bookshelf.
(part 2)
i was driving to jeff's the other night, and was already feeling disgusted with myself, no particular reason, just generally unhappy with life. and there was a raccoon hit in the opposite lane, which i only noticed because an SUV had to swerve to avoid running it over again. on the way back from jeff's, i had to pass over it's newly decapitated body, and i had a really odd kind of breakdown. while driving, not the best time to happen, but whatever. and i went home after bawling like a baby and got my wits together and yelled "fuck this. i'm gonna meditate." and i did. and i didn't expect it to actually change anything, but it did. i felt so much better, like i was able to accept things and leave it at that. one of the main teachings of buddhism is to dissolve attachment to things. which, in some minor form, i think i did.
(part 3-where i combine the first two)
i decided to pick up "the art of happiness" again. and it's all making so much more sense. some of my favorite lines so far:
""Wherever I meet people, I always have the feeling that I am encountering another human being, just like myself. I find it much easier to communicate with others on that level. If we emphasize specific characteristics, like I am Tibetan or I am Buddhist, then there are differences. But those things are secondary. If we can leave the differences aside, I think we can easily communicate, exchange ideas, and share experiences."
"...that human bond is enough to give rise to a sense of worth and dignity. That bond can become a source of consolation in the event that you lose everything else."
(part 4)
in conclusion, i have decided that i am tired of holding grudges for nonsense. i am tired of constant stress and not knowing how to manage it. i have decided that i need to keep the bonds i do have with people close, and not exclude possible bonds from forming, like i usually do.
i'm going to track down some kind of buddhist temple in the area- i'm officially declaring myself buddhist today.
i remember buying my copy of "the art of happiness" by the Dalai Lama (my original receipt was still in the book, bought in '99. damn that was a while ago). i was in high school, and not in a very good frame of mind. constant depression, hating everything. so i got about 10 pages in and just couldn't bring myself to finish the rest of it. i don't really know why, maybe i didn't think i was capable of being happy at that point, maybe i didn't think i deserved it, maybe i thought it was bollocks. so i left it to gather dust on my bookshelf.
(part 2)
i was driving to jeff's the other night, and was already feeling disgusted with myself, no particular reason, just generally unhappy with life. and there was a raccoon hit in the opposite lane, which i only noticed because an SUV had to swerve to avoid running it over again. on the way back from jeff's, i had to pass over it's newly decapitated body, and i had a really odd kind of breakdown. while driving, not the best time to happen, but whatever. and i went home after bawling like a baby and got my wits together and yelled "fuck this. i'm gonna meditate." and i did. and i didn't expect it to actually change anything, but it did. i felt so much better, like i was able to accept things and leave it at that. one of the main teachings of buddhism is to dissolve attachment to things. which, in some minor form, i think i did.
(part 3-where i combine the first two)
i decided to pick up "the art of happiness" again. and it's all making so much more sense. some of my favorite lines so far:
""Wherever I meet people, I always have the feeling that I am encountering another human being, just like myself. I find it much easier to communicate with others on that level. If we emphasize specific characteristics, like I am Tibetan or I am Buddhist, then there are differences. But those things are secondary. If we can leave the differences aside, I think we can easily communicate, exchange ideas, and share experiences."
"...that human bond is enough to give rise to a sense of worth and dignity. That bond can become a source of consolation in the event that you lose everything else."
(part 4)
in conclusion, i have decided that i am tired of holding grudges for nonsense. i am tired of constant stress and not knowing how to manage it. i have decided that i need to keep the bonds i do have with people close, and not exclude possible bonds from forming, like i usually do.
i'm going to track down some kind of buddhist temple in the area- i'm officially declaring myself buddhist today.