ToRN...
I cried mai self to sleep again last night. Antonio did end up calling and got me yelled at because he called at 10:30,I'm so sick of crying. Everytime we talk there is always a good and bad about it..I wish i could be over him like i say i am. Im so sick of telling mai self that I am when i know im not. He didn't flat out tell me that were over for ever but I knew thats what he was trying to say but didnt want to so he said everything around it. Maybe im taking it the wrong way. I feel like i was nothing but a mistake to him. He told me that he wished i didnt ever hurt a guy like i hurt him. But i guess he just doesnt know wtf im going through or what ive been going through. He tells me that im happy..like he really knows. he tells me that it was best for him to leave,does he want me to agree with him? Because honestly we have totally different perspectives..I wish he wouldnt of left...He made me realize something last night. I cant cry over some one who isnt going to cry over me. I cant keep wishing i'll get some1 like antonio because i never will..I cant have antonio any more..and i have to get over that. Its so easy for him from what he tells me..I wish it was as easy for me..Mike did end up moving out of mai locker.(lol)..We didnt say one word to eachother today,It was pretty sad. I do miss him and i would love to be with him but things wont work out..I think its best if i just stay single for a while for mai own good and everyone else's,i know its going to be hard to not think about antonio because he was such a big part of mai life.But i will do it..and if its going to take a while then let. But i refuse to cry over him again..I gained 3 lbs in the last 2weeks..Im so excited for Christmas..I got Kirstin for mai secret Santa..I know what im getting her,Im gonna deck her out in cuteness! I love all of mai friends,thank god i have them..Practice was canceled today.and i dont have to go to first hour tomorrow because i brought if can goods..im so happy..maybe that will help me some..I'm going to get watch some t.v thought and clean up mai house because some people are coming over to take pictures of it..ttYl <3*
XoXo'z DiNa!
Fuck it,your right..it's over...