Calm Envy - Aoi x Uruha
Title: Calm Envy
Author: dimscene
Chapter: One-shot
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Warnings: Mention of malexmale sex, mention of harm, malexmale relationship
Synopsis: He said: "I'll not be back so soon, Kou. But thank you for remembering me."
Comments: As the title suggests, the story is based on my interpretation of Calm Envy, performed by the GazettE. I won't insert a disclaimer here because it's always the same shit and no one actually reads it. And I almost cried while writing this. ;_;
The bed where I’m lying is warm... My hair disarranged over my face, the blanket over my hips, leaving exposed my nude torso. And the damn vodka bottle was lying next to me, empty. I felt like shouting out loud at the window, but I know that it won’t work at all. He is gone… And no signs of life were left. Just that letter… The one where he said that he tried to love me, but he couldn’t… Yeah right… And I was playing the bitch all the time.
About one year ago, I met him at a cafe. He was on his own, drinking his coffee… I just felt like sitting with him and, maybe, talk with him. He seemed lonely… And we talked about many things. He said that his name was Shiroyama Yuu, that he was training so that he could actually play in a band… Just like me. His beauty was captivating… I got surprised when he told me that he was single. I could just stare at him, surprised… He laughed at me as soon as he noticed my expression, shaking negatively his head, and saying that he was single because of a past trauma.
We became good friends. Every four days or less, we would visit each other, talk bullshit, drink until we forget our names, have little rows about my nourishment and how I must eat well, or else I would not stand on my two feet. I was very thin, true… but that was being fat compared to how I am now. He used to threaten me in order to make me eat, used to make delicious candies and cakes just for me… He was so sweet. When I noticed, I was already in love with him.
I think that he noticed it, because I blushed when he took my hand and put it inside his pocket, along with his own hand and fondled it, because I said that I was feeling cold… He used to lay his head over my chest so that I could caress his hair… He began to get closer to me, being sweeter and staying with me at the bed until I fell asleep, and took care of me when I started throwing up due to excessive alcohol… It took me almost 3 months to take breath and tell him everything about how I felt, because I was afraid of losing him forever because of his trauma… I got sad when he said that he couldn’t correspond, but I was already waiting for it… However, he got even sweeter to me than he was earlier…
There was one day that he went off to his hometown and I stayed here, leading my own life. Everywhere I looked, I could see him walking, smiling at me and calling me to go for him… I was so fucking dependent on him that I was almost going desperate after four days of his absence. Four days seem like an hour for me now… Every time he came back, I couldn’t help but to embrace him like I haven’t seen him in a month… He didn’t look used to that, because he could show no reaction at all but to remain silent, looking at me… And he used to visit me more frequently. We watched movies, mixed many drinks in many cocktails, one worse than the other… We laughed and drank all those things and slept where we were laying at that time… It was fun.
In a regular period, he used to go to Mie-ken… I wasn’t used to go to my hometown; it brought me many harsh memories. The only thing that wasn’t regular was the time that he used to spend there… Once, his trip lasted one month. And, every time he came back, he almost hoped that everyone had forgot him, and he showed surprise when he noticed that I was always there when he was back. This day, in particular, was quite interesting.
He brought a big cake covered with Chantilly and decorated with strawberries and made me eat almost half of it. It was tasty, surely… When I said it, he replied “It’s good, huh? I brought it on the car for you! Straight from mommy!” I jerked off with a sake bottle when he said something dirty about it, and I could see him biting his lower lip, his eyes accompanying the movement of my tongue across the bottle. As soon as I reached the edge of the bottle, I made the sound of a low moan, which made him sigh. I was finally provoking him… Like me, he spent good long months without having sex. It was easy to make him bite the bait and lure him to his bedroom.
Both of us were full, sleepy… And we went to his bedroom to watch to a movie before sleeping. There was a horror movie at that time... I don’t like this genre. I can’t sleep later, or I’d have nightmares. But I watched to it with him. He was holding me next to him all the time, because he knew that I didn’t like it (the genre) and, maybe, he thought that this act could give me the sensation of protection… If he did think that, he was right. It was so warm, so… Indescribable. When I opened my eyes again, the credits of the movie started and he switched the channel. It was a documentary about bartenders. And he began to tell his dirty jokes again. We were on the same bed, sharing the same blanket, nearest one to another than we ever were. I didn’t know why I wouldn’t provoke him, lure him… All reason got ripped off my head and I replied to him: “I don’t think so… I prefer to save my energy for other things, you know.”
He was slowly falling for it… The words silenced with the touch of his uncommonly thick lips over mine, the arms of both tightening their grips… and the rest of the night, which surely gave an end to our endless hunger.
From that day onward, I could say securely that we had an affair, but nothing more than an affair. I began to know his other side… He was naughty, he liked to hurt me physically and enslave me during sex. I shared this trait with him, I used to call him ‘Master’, made him hurt me more and torture me more. It was delicious… He transmitted a dominant aura, making me feel completely submissive before him. Beside that, he was sweet to me, gave me presents and started sleeping with me, holding me all night long. He used to leave many visible marks on my skin, so that everyone could see them and know that I had an owner. He used to have serious rows with people who came next to me and touched me. It seemed like all this thing would get serious someday…
But I was so damn fucking wrong that, now, I’m still angry at myself for believing in such lie.
One day, he left me without a single record. I was with a severe flu; he took care of me for a few days and took off. And I found that letter, many days later… Tears flowed over my face and hit the paper as I read those things, written with his calligraphy… I just couldn’t believe it. After all that time… Six months… But I’m not the kind of man that gives up so easily.
It’s been seven months since he vanished. I cried non-stop for the first two weeks… I couldn’t go anywhere with that sulky face. My blankets got humid with my tears… He popped out in my dreams every single time I fell asleep… I’ve even thought about forgetting him and going on, and tried to do that, but I’m so fucking weak that I’m not capable of letting go of him. I still wait for the day that he opens that door and says my name… even if I got a grip on my depression and it’s not so severe anymore.
In all these 7 months, he gave a sign of life just once, recently.
He said “I’ll not be back so soon, Kou. But thank you for remembering me.”
He is still so damn sweet… That gave me strength to continue waiting. I’ll wait two, ten, fifty years, until he comes back for me.
Because he is, has always been, and will always be my only one.
Author: dimscene
Chapter: One-shot
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Warnings: Mention of malexmale sex, mention of harm, malexmale relationship
Synopsis: He said: "I'll not be back so soon, Kou. But thank you for remembering me."
Comments: As the title suggests, the story is based on my interpretation of Calm Envy, performed by the GazettE. I won't insert a disclaimer here because it's always the same shit and no one actually reads it. And I almost cried while writing this. ;_;
The bed where I’m lying is warm... My hair disarranged over my face, the blanket over my hips, leaving exposed my nude torso. And the damn vodka bottle was lying next to me, empty. I felt like shouting out loud at the window, but I know that it won’t work at all. He is gone… And no signs of life were left. Just that letter… The one where he said that he tried to love me, but he couldn’t… Yeah right… And I was playing the bitch all the time.
About one year ago, I met him at a cafe. He was on his own, drinking his coffee… I just felt like sitting with him and, maybe, talk with him. He seemed lonely… And we talked about many things. He said that his name was Shiroyama Yuu, that he was training so that he could actually play in a band… Just like me. His beauty was captivating… I got surprised when he told me that he was single. I could just stare at him, surprised… He laughed at me as soon as he noticed my expression, shaking negatively his head, and saying that he was single because of a past trauma.
We became good friends. Every four days or less, we would visit each other, talk bullshit, drink until we forget our names, have little rows about my nourishment and how I must eat well, or else I would not stand on my two feet. I was very thin, true… but that was being fat compared to how I am now. He used to threaten me in order to make me eat, used to make delicious candies and cakes just for me… He was so sweet. When I noticed, I was already in love with him.
I think that he noticed it, because I blushed when he took my hand and put it inside his pocket, along with his own hand and fondled it, because I said that I was feeling cold… He used to lay his head over my chest so that I could caress his hair… He began to get closer to me, being sweeter and staying with me at the bed until I fell asleep, and took care of me when I started throwing up due to excessive alcohol… It took me almost 3 months to take breath and tell him everything about how I felt, because I was afraid of losing him forever because of his trauma… I got sad when he said that he couldn’t correspond, but I was already waiting for it… However, he got even sweeter to me than he was earlier…
There was one day that he went off to his hometown and I stayed here, leading my own life. Everywhere I looked, I could see him walking, smiling at me and calling me to go for him… I was so fucking dependent on him that I was almost going desperate after four days of his absence. Four days seem like an hour for me now… Every time he came back, I couldn’t help but to embrace him like I haven’t seen him in a month… He didn’t look used to that, because he could show no reaction at all but to remain silent, looking at me… And he used to visit me more frequently. We watched movies, mixed many drinks in many cocktails, one worse than the other… We laughed and drank all those things and slept where we were laying at that time… It was fun.
In a regular period, he used to go to Mie-ken… I wasn’t used to go to my hometown; it brought me many harsh memories. The only thing that wasn’t regular was the time that he used to spend there… Once, his trip lasted one month. And, every time he came back, he almost hoped that everyone had forgot him, and he showed surprise when he noticed that I was always there when he was back. This day, in particular, was quite interesting.
He brought a big cake covered with Chantilly and decorated with strawberries and made me eat almost half of it. It was tasty, surely… When I said it, he replied “It’s good, huh? I brought it on the car for you! Straight from mommy!” I jerked off with a sake bottle when he said something dirty about it, and I could see him biting his lower lip, his eyes accompanying the movement of my tongue across the bottle. As soon as I reached the edge of the bottle, I made the sound of a low moan, which made him sigh. I was finally provoking him… Like me, he spent good long months without having sex. It was easy to make him bite the bait and lure him to his bedroom.
Both of us were full, sleepy… And we went to his bedroom to watch to a movie before sleeping. There was a horror movie at that time... I don’t like this genre. I can’t sleep later, or I’d have nightmares. But I watched to it with him. He was holding me next to him all the time, because he knew that I didn’t like it (the genre) and, maybe, he thought that this act could give me the sensation of protection… If he did think that, he was right. It was so warm, so… Indescribable. When I opened my eyes again, the credits of the movie started and he switched the channel. It was a documentary about bartenders. And he began to tell his dirty jokes again. We were on the same bed, sharing the same blanket, nearest one to another than we ever were. I didn’t know why I wouldn’t provoke him, lure him… All reason got ripped off my head and I replied to him: “I don’t think so… I prefer to save my energy for other things, you know.”
He was slowly falling for it… The words silenced with the touch of his uncommonly thick lips over mine, the arms of both tightening their grips… and the rest of the night, which surely gave an end to our endless hunger.
From that day onward, I could say securely that we had an affair, but nothing more than an affair. I began to know his other side… He was naughty, he liked to hurt me physically and enslave me during sex. I shared this trait with him, I used to call him ‘Master’, made him hurt me more and torture me more. It was delicious… He transmitted a dominant aura, making me feel completely submissive before him. Beside that, he was sweet to me, gave me presents and started sleeping with me, holding me all night long. He used to leave many visible marks on my skin, so that everyone could see them and know that I had an owner. He used to have serious rows with people who came next to me and touched me. It seemed like all this thing would get serious someday…
But I was so damn fucking wrong that, now, I’m still angry at myself for believing in such lie.
One day, he left me without a single record. I was with a severe flu; he took care of me for a few days and took off. And I found that letter, many days later… Tears flowed over my face and hit the paper as I read those things, written with his calligraphy… I just couldn’t believe it. After all that time… Six months… But I’m not the kind of man that gives up so easily.
It’s been seven months since he vanished. I cried non-stop for the first two weeks… I couldn’t go anywhere with that sulky face. My blankets got humid with my tears… He popped out in my dreams every single time I fell asleep… I’ve even thought about forgetting him and going on, and tried to do that, but I’m so fucking weak that I’m not capable of letting go of him. I still wait for the day that he opens that door and says my name… even if I got a grip on my depression and it’s not so severe anymore.
In all these 7 months, he gave a sign of life just once, recently.
He said “I’ll not be back so soon, Kou. But thank you for remembering me.”
He is still so damn sweet… That gave me strength to continue waiting. I’ll wait two, ten, fifty years, until he comes back for me.
Because he is, has always been, and will always be my only one.