Sleepless Night
So I tried to go to sleep, but once again I can't turn off my mind. Have you ever felt like an unwanted house guest in your own home? Cuz that's exactly how I feel. I knew that it would be a little difficult because my two roommates had already moved in. Thus they were already set into their routines. So I've tried as hard as possible not to upset their routines. However, even before I moved in things started to get very uncomfortable for me. I was first told that I had to get rid of some of my stuff because there wasn't room to store it. Now, I could understand it if I had a lot of shit, but I don't. I mean, all of my stuff fit fairly well in that box of an apartment I had. And anyone who saw the apartment knows what I'm talking about. To be exact, I am willing to store all of my stuff in my room. Then there was the "I'm not having all kinds of unexpected visitors." I'm going to be working second shift five days a week. Somehow I seriously doubt if I'm going to have tons of people show up at 10 or 11 pm to hang out. Besides that, I don't even have any friends up here, only family and we all know how well I like my family. Then there is the whole food issue. I have NEVER felt very comfortable eating other people's food. Now I have tried to reconcile this in my mind so that I will use their peanut butter and jelly and their milk because it is ridiculous to have multiples of stuff like that. Which is why I gave away almost all of my cleaning stuff and spices. But right now I don't even feel comfortable enough to cook food in the kitchen for fear that I'm going to do something wrong again. Like not know how to load a dish washer. I grew up poor, there were times when my mom went without cigarrettes so that we could have water and electricity. I've never had a dish washer because that was a luxury that we couldn't afford. I'm really regretting moving up here now. If I'd stayed in Charleston I could've gotten a place with Ryan. Yes he would've frustrated me to no end with the hot water heater, but I wouldn't feel like I do now. I just feel like an unwanted house guest. Like someone who doesn't belong here, even though I've already paid one months rent and half of the deposit. Thankfully, I didn't pack away all of my dishes, pots, and pans. I can resort to living like I did when I was in the dorms. I mean, I lived that way for about three years, what's another year. I really hope Roger gets a job and a place up here, even if it is only for four months. That way I'll have somewhere besides my sister's to go. I do love my sister, and she really has changed drastically from when we were younger but we are very different people and spending lots of time together results in us fighting. On the upside, the Wal-Mart up here is making me feel right at home. It's like I never left Charleston the way the bounce me around from area to area. At least I feel comfortable somewhere.