Spider-Man fic - Good Advice (gen, het)
Title: Good Advice
Author: Dimity Blue
Rating: Teens
Genre: Gen (background het), humour, protective Peter
Characters: Peter, May, Happy, Ned, Tony
Word Count: 1,529 words
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Peter finds out his Aunt May is going on a date with Happy Hogan. He doesn't react well.
Warning: Very brief mention of possible exhibitionism.
There is no exhibitionism included.
On AO3.
Good Advice
by Dimity Blue
Peter kept his eyes on his homework as May went past his door. He'd said he was okay with her going on a date but now he was having second thoughts. It wasn't that he didn't trust May but... Well... As Spider-Man he'd come to realise that not all men were nice to women.
Peter's mind went to Mr. Delmar and his comment about May being 'hot'. Who thought like that? Especially about Peter's Aunt May? Uh oh. Mr. Delmar wasn't the one taking May out, was he? Mr. Delmar thought May was hot, which meant Mr. Delmar was attracted to May, which meant Mr. Delmar might want to, uh, want to...uh...
Peter jumped up from his seat and hurried to May's bedroom door. "May, who is this guy you're going on a date with?" he called through the door.
The door opened and May came out. She looked really pretty, in Peter's opinion. Her hair was caught up with little flower clips in it that matched the colours of her blue dress. She was wearing jewellery and makeup too, and there was a hint of perfume in the air around her. Peter thought she was going to a lot of effort for some date in a restaurant, and his uneasiness grew.
"Didn't I tell you? It's Happy."
Peter followed her to the living room. "Happy?"
May held out her arms and did a twirl. "What do you think?"
"Happy Hogan? Mr. Stark's Happy? Happy who drives the car?" he clarified, just in case she'd managed to find some other Happy.
"Yes, Happy."
There was a knock at the door, and Peter went to answer it, his mind still grappling with the idea of Happy on a date. He opened the door and there was Happy with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
"Hello, Peter," he said.
By the time Peter regained the ability to speak, Happy was in the living room, handing the flowers to May.
"Oh, Happy, you shouldn't have!"
"Hello, May. You look lovely."
Peter hurried over and stood beside them, giving Happy a glare. May did look lovely, but it wasn't Happy's place to notice.
"I'll just put these in some water," May said, and she flitted off to the kitchen sink.
Happy looked at Peter. "How's school?"
"It's fine," Peter answered. He folded his arms over his chest. "So, uhh, where are you taking May?"
"To a restaurant."
Peter stared at Happy, and tried to pretend Happy wasn't several inches taller and several inches broader than him. Peter was Spider-Man, he was strong. He stopped criminals. Happy drove a car.
Of course, Happy was also Tony Stark's bodyguard and head of security, a little voice in Peter's head pointed out. Tony 'Iron Man, I Save New York On a Regular Basis' Stark, who'd probably need a very tough bodyguard to guard his body.
Peter wasn't sure where the little voice in his head was going with that, but he didn't like it.
"Which restaurant?" he managed to ask.
"Rezdôra," Happy replied. "Tony recommended it."
The words echoed in Peter's mind. Mr. Stark recommended it? Mr. Stark knew Happy was taking May on a date? To sit at a table? Together?
"All sorted!" May chirped as she put the vase containing the flowers on the coffee table. She looked at Peter and frowned. "Are you alright, sweetie? Do you have a tummy-ache?" She rubbed his back gently.
"No, I'm okay," Peter said.
"Are you sure? You look like you need the bathroom."
Peter felt his face heat up. "May! I'm fine!"
"Alright, if you're sure." She kissed his cheek. "I'll be home about eleven. Don't wait up."
"See you later, Peter." Happy helped May put her coat on.
Peter scowled at that. May knew how to put her coat on. She'd been putting on her coat for years. Happy led the way to the door, then held it open for May just like May had told Peter to do for Liz. Peter watched them go down the stairs together, and clutched at the door as May's hand brushed against Happy's. The sound of her giggle was salt in the wound. Peter shut and locked the door carefully, then rushed to his bedroom. His phone was on his desk. Peter snatched it up, opened a text box, and typed:
Hey, Mr. Stark, did you know Happy was taking May on a date?
Peter pressed send and waited. Then he paced. Why wasn't Mr. Stark answering? Didn't he know how urgent this was? Peter checked his phone and paced some more. After seven and a half minutes of nail-biting anxiety, he rang Ned.
Naturally, Ned answered immediately, the phone screen showing him and his bedroom. "Hey, Peter."
"Ned, I need help."
Ned gasped, dropped his game controller and sat up straight. "Is it a Spider-Man thing? Do you need your Guy-In-A-Chair? I'm here for you, bud!"
"No. Maybe." Peter took a breath and said, with all the seriousness the situation called for, "Happy's taken May on a date."
"Happy? Mr. Stark's Happy? He's taken your aunt on a date?"
"Yes!"
Ned's face scrunched up. "Why?"
"I don't know! They went down the stairs together. Their hands almost touched and," Peter leaned towards his phone screen and whispered, "May giggled."
"She giggled?" Ned gasped. "With Happy? Dude, that's not good!"
"I know! They've gone to Rezdôra. They'll be sitting at a table together. Their knees might touch!"
Ned recoiled. "Ew! Dude! You can't say things like that!"
"I know!" Peter had once touched knees with MJ by accident. It had been a magical moment. The idea of Happy having a magical moment with May was horrifying. "What do I do?"
"Put on your suit and follow them."
"I can't do that!"
"Would you rather stay home and wonder what they're doing?"
Peter thought about it. Five minutes later, Spider-Man was on his way to Manhattan.
Rezdôra was easily found, and Peter crawled to the edge of the brightly lit window and peered in. By now, it was fully dark outside so the odds of him being spotted were low. He could see May and Happy though - as Peter had predicted, they were sitting at a table together. Peter couldn't see but he bet they were touching knees too. Why did restaurants have such small tables? Bigger tables would be better, he thought. There'd be less chance of May's knees touching anyone else's knees then.
Peter's phone buzzed with a text. Ned had said he'd text him to see how it was going, so Peter pulled his phone out and quickly replied: I was right. They're sitting at a table together.
His phone buzzed again before he could even put it away. Peter glanced at the screen and read:
That's what people usually do in restaurants, kid.
The first message wasn't from Ned, it was from Mr. Stark. And Peter had replied to him, not Ned. Peter clutched at his phone as the realisation sank in. Before Peter's horror could ease, another message popped up.
Please tell me you're not outside the restaurant like an insane little spider stalker.
Peter didn't know how to answer that. Then, Karen spoke up: "Incoming call from Mr. Stark."
It automatically connected. "You're outside Rezdôra, aren't you?" Mr. Stark asked.
"No?" Peter claimed.
Mr. Stark sighed at him, as if he didn't believe Peter at all. "I'm walking to my Iron Man suit."
Peter could see that was true.
"I'm getting in my Iron Man suit."
Again, Peter could see it was true, and he was starting to have a bad feeling about it.
"And I'm coming to get you off that damn window."
Peter shut down the call and fled for the alleyway where he'd stashed his clothes. He'd just got back into his bedroom when there was a loud knock on the front door. Peter straightened his outfit as he walked through the living room.
Mr. Stark was outside the door with his suit in a suitcase. He raised an eyebrow.
Peter crossed his arms. "Hi?"
"Your sweatshirt's on inside out." As Peter looked down at his inside out sweatshirt, Mr. Stark walked past him and made himself at home on the couch.
"Uhh, whaddya doing?"
Mr. Stark picked up the remote and turned on the TV. "I'm babysitting."
Peter looked around. "Here? Me!?"
"Unless you see some other fifteen-year-old spiderling who needs grounding."
"I don't need grounding!"
"So you weren't trying to ruin Happy's hot date with Aunt Hottie?" Mr. Stark raised both eyebrows at that.
"Not ruin!"
"Then..?"
There was a long pause, then Peter caved. "Just making sure they didn't do anything!"
"In the restaurant? In front of people?" Mr. Stark shook his head. " I don't think that's Happy's thing."
Peter frowned as he thought that over. It didn't make any sense to him. "What?"
"And it's too late to hide out in the car now, kid," Mr. Stark added.
"Uhhh..."
"Plus Happy has a perfectly good bed back at his place."
Peter shrieked.
"Yeah, next time, just stay home and try not to think about it. That's my advice," Mr Stark finished with.
The end.
29th April 2023
=====
I hope you liked it. Please let me know if you spot any mistakes.
Author: Dimity Blue
Rating: Teens
Genre: Gen (background het), humour, protective Peter
Characters: Peter, May, Happy, Ned, Tony
Word Count: 1,529 words
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Peter finds out his Aunt May is going on a date with Happy Hogan. He doesn't react well.
Warning: Very brief mention of possible exhibitionism.
There is no exhibitionism included.
On AO3.
Good Advice
by Dimity Blue
Peter kept his eyes on his homework as May went past his door. He'd said he was okay with her going on a date but now he was having second thoughts. It wasn't that he didn't trust May but... Well... As Spider-Man he'd come to realise that not all men were nice to women.
Peter's mind went to Mr. Delmar and his comment about May being 'hot'. Who thought like that? Especially about Peter's Aunt May? Uh oh. Mr. Delmar wasn't the one taking May out, was he? Mr. Delmar thought May was hot, which meant Mr. Delmar was attracted to May, which meant Mr. Delmar might want to, uh, want to...uh...
Peter jumped up from his seat and hurried to May's bedroom door. "May, who is this guy you're going on a date with?" he called through the door.
The door opened and May came out. She looked really pretty, in Peter's opinion. Her hair was caught up with little flower clips in it that matched the colours of her blue dress. She was wearing jewellery and makeup too, and there was a hint of perfume in the air around her. Peter thought she was going to a lot of effort for some date in a restaurant, and his uneasiness grew.
"Didn't I tell you? It's Happy."
Peter followed her to the living room. "Happy?"
May held out her arms and did a twirl. "What do you think?"
"Happy Hogan? Mr. Stark's Happy? Happy who drives the car?" he clarified, just in case she'd managed to find some other Happy.
"Yes, Happy."
There was a knock at the door, and Peter went to answer it, his mind still grappling with the idea of Happy on a date. He opened the door and there was Happy with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
"Hello, Peter," he said.
By the time Peter regained the ability to speak, Happy was in the living room, handing the flowers to May.
"Oh, Happy, you shouldn't have!"
"Hello, May. You look lovely."
Peter hurried over and stood beside them, giving Happy a glare. May did look lovely, but it wasn't Happy's place to notice.
"I'll just put these in some water," May said, and she flitted off to the kitchen sink.
Happy looked at Peter. "How's school?"
"It's fine," Peter answered. He folded his arms over his chest. "So, uhh, where are you taking May?"
"To a restaurant."
Peter stared at Happy, and tried to pretend Happy wasn't several inches taller and several inches broader than him. Peter was Spider-Man, he was strong. He stopped criminals. Happy drove a car.
Of course, Happy was also Tony Stark's bodyguard and head of security, a little voice in Peter's head pointed out. Tony 'Iron Man, I Save New York On a Regular Basis' Stark, who'd probably need a very tough bodyguard to guard his body.
Peter wasn't sure where the little voice in his head was going with that, but he didn't like it.
"Which restaurant?" he managed to ask.
"Rezdôra," Happy replied. "Tony recommended it."
The words echoed in Peter's mind. Mr. Stark recommended it? Mr. Stark knew Happy was taking May on a date? To sit at a table? Together?
"All sorted!" May chirped as she put the vase containing the flowers on the coffee table. She looked at Peter and frowned. "Are you alright, sweetie? Do you have a tummy-ache?" She rubbed his back gently.
"No, I'm okay," Peter said.
"Are you sure? You look like you need the bathroom."
Peter felt his face heat up. "May! I'm fine!"
"Alright, if you're sure." She kissed his cheek. "I'll be home about eleven. Don't wait up."
"See you later, Peter." Happy helped May put her coat on.
Peter scowled at that. May knew how to put her coat on. She'd been putting on her coat for years. Happy led the way to the door, then held it open for May just like May had told Peter to do for Liz. Peter watched them go down the stairs together, and clutched at the door as May's hand brushed against Happy's. The sound of her giggle was salt in the wound. Peter shut and locked the door carefully, then rushed to his bedroom. His phone was on his desk. Peter snatched it up, opened a text box, and typed:
Hey, Mr. Stark, did you know Happy was taking May on a date?
Peter pressed send and waited. Then he paced. Why wasn't Mr. Stark answering? Didn't he know how urgent this was? Peter checked his phone and paced some more. After seven and a half minutes of nail-biting anxiety, he rang Ned.
Naturally, Ned answered immediately, the phone screen showing him and his bedroom. "Hey, Peter."
"Ned, I need help."
Ned gasped, dropped his game controller and sat up straight. "Is it a Spider-Man thing? Do you need your Guy-In-A-Chair? I'm here for you, bud!"
"No. Maybe." Peter took a breath and said, with all the seriousness the situation called for, "Happy's taken May on a date."
"Happy? Mr. Stark's Happy? He's taken your aunt on a date?"
"Yes!"
Ned's face scrunched up. "Why?"
"I don't know! They went down the stairs together. Their hands almost touched and," Peter leaned towards his phone screen and whispered, "May giggled."
"She giggled?" Ned gasped. "With Happy? Dude, that's not good!"
"I know! They've gone to Rezdôra. They'll be sitting at a table together. Their knees might touch!"
Ned recoiled. "Ew! Dude! You can't say things like that!"
"I know!" Peter had once touched knees with MJ by accident. It had been a magical moment. The idea of Happy having a magical moment with May was horrifying. "What do I do?"
"Put on your suit and follow them."
"I can't do that!"
"Would you rather stay home and wonder what they're doing?"
Peter thought about it. Five minutes later, Spider-Man was on his way to Manhattan.
Rezdôra was easily found, and Peter crawled to the edge of the brightly lit window and peered in. By now, it was fully dark outside so the odds of him being spotted were low. He could see May and Happy though - as Peter had predicted, they were sitting at a table together. Peter couldn't see but he bet they were touching knees too. Why did restaurants have such small tables? Bigger tables would be better, he thought. There'd be less chance of May's knees touching anyone else's knees then.
Peter's phone buzzed with a text. Ned had said he'd text him to see how it was going, so Peter pulled his phone out and quickly replied: I was right. They're sitting at a table together.
His phone buzzed again before he could even put it away. Peter glanced at the screen and read:
That's what people usually do in restaurants, kid.
The first message wasn't from Ned, it was from Mr. Stark. And Peter had replied to him, not Ned. Peter clutched at his phone as the realisation sank in. Before Peter's horror could ease, another message popped up.
Please tell me you're not outside the restaurant like an insane little spider stalker.
Peter didn't know how to answer that. Then, Karen spoke up: "Incoming call from Mr. Stark."
It automatically connected. "You're outside Rezdôra, aren't you?" Mr. Stark asked.
"No?" Peter claimed.
Mr. Stark sighed at him, as if he didn't believe Peter at all. "I'm walking to my Iron Man suit."
Peter could see that was true.
"I'm getting in my Iron Man suit."
Again, Peter could see it was true, and he was starting to have a bad feeling about it.
"And I'm coming to get you off that damn window."
Peter shut down the call and fled for the alleyway where he'd stashed his clothes. He'd just got back into his bedroom when there was a loud knock on the front door. Peter straightened his outfit as he walked through the living room.
Mr. Stark was outside the door with his suit in a suitcase. He raised an eyebrow.
Peter crossed his arms. "Hi?"
"Your sweatshirt's on inside out." As Peter looked down at his inside out sweatshirt, Mr. Stark walked past him and made himself at home on the couch.
"Uhh, whaddya doing?"
Mr. Stark picked up the remote and turned on the TV. "I'm babysitting."
Peter looked around. "Here? Me!?"
"Unless you see some other fifteen-year-old spiderling who needs grounding."
"I don't need grounding!"
"So you weren't trying to ruin Happy's hot date with Aunt Hottie?" Mr. Stark raised both eyebrows at that.
"Not ruin!"
"Then..?"
There was a long pause, then Peter caved. "Just making sure they didn't do anything!"
"In the restaurant? In front of people?" Mr. Stark shook his head. " I don't think that's Happy's thing."
Peter frowned as he thought that over. It didn't make any sense to him. "What?"
"And it's too late to hide out in the car now, kid," Mr. Stark added.
"Uhhh..."
"Plus Happy has a perfectly good bed back at his place."
Peter shrieked.
"Yeah, next time, just stay home and try not to think about it. That's my advice," Mr Stark finished with.
The end.
29th April 2023
=====
I hope you liked it. Please let me know if you spot any mistakes.