My office has a great view...
Well, it does. I can see the harbor and the big cruise ships and the mountains on the other side of the harbor. It's pretty, I just wish I was out there instead of in here!
This post is going to be completely random, just warning you...
I ran four miles the other day because I was pissed off at my roomates and didn't want to be in the same small confined apartment space as them at the same time. Seriously, anger gives you so much energy, I should put it to good use more often. Not that I'm always angry, but well, it's unavoidable.
I can't wait to go home for Chirstmas. I didn't realize how much I'd miss the fall season. The smells, the cooler air. Vermont is such a beautiful place this time of year, and this year I'm missing out. The sunsets here are beautiful, but I'm looking forward to cuddling up on the couch with a cup of hot tea and watching the snow flakes fall outside the window. Part of the reason I moved out here was because I felt like I didn't appreciate alot of the qualities of vermont that directly effected me. Now that I'm so far away and in such a different place, I'm missing those qualities and I can't wait to visit this winter.
I feel like I'm filled with so many different emotions all at once out here. I love it, I'm stressed, I miss my family, I'm glad to have the space from them too, I miss what I know and what I'm used to, but I'm learning so much here and experienceing so much, growing. I'm doing everything on my own, EVERYTHING and it makes me proud but frightens me at the same time. I reflect on the past 9 months everyday to remind myself of what I have to be thankful for, Alot!
I also made a promise to myself, that moving out here was for no one but me. I didn't want to leave with any perminant attatchements, meaning guys. I didn't. I think I pushed a few people away, it didn't feel right because I was moving so far away so soon. So now I'm out here, and I have friends, but for some reason I feel alone. I am alone. I moved out here two months ago, of course I'm not going to feel like I've been here forever. I don't know everyone when I walk into the super market, that's actually refreshing sometimes as small town life also has its drawbacks. But I do still feel very much alone in alot of ways. I think I'm missing the more intimate company I had at home. I miss Ben, I miss Darryn and Derek and Colby. I talk with all of them, but sometimes it just reminds me of how far away from I am from all of them and how alone I am out here. I don't want to meet someone out here and fall for them right away because I'm lonely and need support. That would completely contridict one of the main reasons I moved out here! And what reason is that? To be independent and to pvoe to myself that I don't need anyone else to be there for me, that if times get hard I am here for myself, and if necessary, myself is all I need! So you see now how falling for some guy becuase I'm lonely would cause all of my effort out here to be in vaine.
Soooo, I don't want a boyfriend to distract me, but how about some one to bitch to when my roomates piss me off, or someone to sit on the beach with and watch the sun set, or watch movies and eat pizza with?
I think it comes down to me not wanting to be in a serious sexual relationship out here, things would get too complicated and I would become distracted and lose focus.
This post is going to be completely random, just warning you...
I ran four miles the other day because I was pissed off at my roomates and didn't want to be in the same small confined apartment space as them at the same time. Seriously, anger gives you so much energy, I should put it to good use more often. Not that I'm always angry, but well, it's unavoidable.
I can't wait to go home for Chirstmas. I didn't realize how much I'd miss the fall season. The smells, the cooler air. Vermont is such a beautiful place this time of year, and this year I'm missing out. The sunsets here are beautiful, but I'm looking forward to cuddling up on the couch with a cup of hot tea and watching the snow flakes fall outside the window. Part of the reason I moved out here was because I felt like I didn't appreciate alot of the qualities of vermont that directly effected me. Now that I'm so far away and in such a different place, I'm missing those qualities and I can't wait to visit this winter.
I feel like I'm filled with so many different emotions all at once out here. I love it, I'm stressed, I miss my family, I'm glad to have the space from them too, I miss what I know and what I'm used to, but I'm learning so much here and experienceing so much, growing. I'm doing everything on my own, EVERYTHING and it makes me proud but frightens me at the same time. I reflect on the past 9 months everyday to remind myself of what I have to be thankful for, Alot!
I also made a promise to myself, that moving out here was for no one but me. I didn't want to leave with any perminant attatchements, meaning guys. I didn't. I think I pushed a few people away, it didn't feel right because I was moving so far away so soon. So now I'm out here, and I have friends, but for some reason I feel alone. I am alone. I moved out here two months ago, of course I'm not going to feel like I've been here forever. I don't know everyone when I walk into the super market, that's actually refreshing sometimes as small town life also has its drawbacks. But I do still feel very much alone in alot of ways. I think I'm missing the more intimate company I had at home. I miss Ben, I miss Darryn and Derek and Colby. I talk with all of them, but sometimes it just reminds me of how far away from I am from all of them and how alone I am out here. I don't want to meet someone out here and fall for them right away because I'm lonely and need support. That would completely contridict one of the main reasons I moved out here! And what reason is that? To be independent and to pvoe to myself that I don't need anyone else to be there for me, that if times get hard I am here for myself, and if necessary, myself is all I need! So you see now how falling for some guy becuase I'm lonely would cause all of my effort out here to be in vaine.
Soooo, I don't want a boyfriend to distract me, but how about some one to bitch to when my roomates piss me off, or someone to sit on the beach with and watch the sun set, or watch movies and eat pizza with?
I think it comes down to me not wanting to be in a serious sexual relationship out here, things would get too complicated and I would become distracted and lose focus.