In Which She Ponders...
It seems that in some way or another, everywhere I go, I have some way of thoroughly offending people with my very existence. I know, I know, perhaps I'm taking things far too personally again, but still, I have to wonder. I mean, in school it was expected, even with the teachers, but it also seemed that people I met outside of school just weren't thrilled with me. And we're talking before I've even said two words to someone. Then, of course, you've all heard my constant whinging about what a massive thundercunt my dad's girlfriend is, who is the absolute epitome of someone treating me like I'm Jeffrey Dahmer; hates me with a burning passion, but is too scared to say it so she just acts like a petty 12-year-old. Now, and here I'll admit it's likely that I'm running on paranoia, since I've arrived in Juneau, my mom's boyfriend has apparently been acting much different than usual, to the point that my mom is complaining to me. She specifically went out of her way to assure me that it has nothing to do with me, and thanks to my mom's manipulative behavior and track record, I have to assume this is a complete and total lie.
I wonder if I should just give up, throw away the half-decent manners I cling to, and just embrace the spawn-of-Satan image people seem to want to paint me in for reasons I simply don't understand. Just act like a complete monster. Bowl over everyone in my way, no small talk, no social contract, it's-all-about-me-God-dammit.
Of course, that would make me like a less manic-depressive, less self-loathing version of my mother, but maybe that would work for me.
Ehhh. I don't know. Maybe I just need to start sleeping again. But damn, the whole not-caring-what-other-people-think deal is kind of hard when people disliking you for no good reason is constantly BLOWING UP IN YOUR FACE.
I don't know, I'm ranty these days.
I wonder if I should just give up, throw away the half-decent manners I cling to, and just embrace the spawn-of-Satan image people seem to want to paint me in for reasons I simply don't understand. Just act like a complete monster. Bowl over everyone in my way, no small talk, no social contract, it's-all-about-me-God-dammit.
Of course, that would make me like a less manic-depressive, less self-loathing version of my mother, but maybe that would work for me.
Ehhh. I don't know. Maybe I just need to start sleeping again. But damn, the whole not-caring-what-other-people-think deal is kind of hard when people disliking you for no good reason is constantly BLOWING UP IN YOUR FACE.
I don't know, I'm ranty these days.