5.06
So, this week's episode - 5.06 I Believe the Children Are Our Future
Okay, I missed the first few minutes of it [combination of trekking through the woods in the middle of the night in pj's and ill-fitting crocs with a dying flashlight to hunt down the origin of mysterious noises while being sick with the flu, I am not kidding you, and having the teevee on the wrong channel when I came back in. anyway], but I came in with SamandDean at the morgue or something, being told about a girl who itched her brains out. The doc's "it'd be slow and extremely painful..." was, like, the understatement of the year.
But SamandDean make 'ew, wtf' faces and head off to interview some boy, because apparently the victim babysat him. The boy is evasive and weird, and Dean works his kid-magic, summed up as a threat of 'going downtown'. They find out that the kid put itching powder on the girl's hairbrush. Sam's all "the fuck?" because apparently itching powder is made of crushed maple seeds (this, I did not know. Thank you, Supernatural).
Blahblahblah. They head back to the doc's office/morgue/whatever (I guess? I can't really remember) just in time to find out someone was electrocuted to death. Of course the only witness is some senile old guy, so no one really believes him (*winkwink*). But, they find out it was a supercharged joy buzzer ("but joy buzzers don't even have batteries!") . This leads to some home experiments in which the boys use the buzzer to fry up some ham. So, they think witches and head off to the store where both the itching powder and the buzzer were bought.
Conjurarium! The guy is a thin-lipped (I mean, really. You could tell he was angry by lips alone) angry, desparate man. Oh, yeah. He did it. SamandDean talk [after Dean falls in love with a whoopie cushion and marries - I mean buys it]. Guy lets on that the only two items sold were - you guessed it - itching powder and a joy buzzer. Dean then tortures a rubber chicken in front of Guy in order to get his confession. When Guy just screams like a girl and cringes, they both realize that, hey, this guy might not be some high-falootin' witch and my plans are once again foiled.
Then, we have the utterly disgusting scene that starts off innocently enough: a girl is in bed and her father is tucking her in (awww. I know). He tells her about the tooth fairy. The girl is jaded and paranoid. "You're telling me some freak is coming into my bedroom while I'm sleeping?" But color the dad unimpressed. He just scoffs, puts the tooth under the pillow and leaves. In the middle of the night, the girl goes into her dad's room and puts the tooth under his pillow. Minutes later, we see a shadow, and then a bearded, seriously alcoholic dude with wings and a bright pink tutu. And, yeah, he proceeds to rip out the dad's tooth. Is there anything more horrifying than a teeth-pulling-out scene? Okay, maybe fingernails. Oh, god. Blargh. Anyway.
Hospital! We find out the Demented Tooth Fairy o'Doom yanked out all the guy's teeth. Seriously, my heart still hurts. Friggin' ow. Not only that, but Dean's seen two kids with stomach ulcers from mixing pop rocks and coke and one guy whose face got stuck like that. I think there was one other one, but I can't remember it.
Sam then goes off to geek out at the library. Apparently, Dean spends this whole time eating ham and jerking off ("we don't have a freezer" and "are we in the two miles?" "yeah why?" Dean lifts up his hand and shows Sam a hairy palm, "I was bored and that nurse was hot" Sam's "you could go blind from doing that, too" and "Don't use my razor!").
Ignore my out of time quotes for a minute while I explain (though you really don't need me to, guessing as how most everyone's seen the epi. oh, well). Apparently, there is a two mile radius in which all these things took place. At the center of it all is four acres and an old house. DUMDUMDUM
Old creepy farmhouse! Little boy answers the door [and oh my god, he was a little weird, but oh so cute! I wanted to cuddle him and I generally don't like kids]. They talk. Boy's all like "you end up in the hospital if you mix pop rocks and soda. duh, you geezers" and "you shouldn't have" joy buzzers and all that jazz. Dean goes on to explain how harmless those little buzzers are. The boy's "Oh. Okay." Nearly killed me ded for some reason. CUTE! ADORABLE! ALMOST LIKE HAVING AN EASTER DISPLAY OF BABY CHICKS AND BUNNIES ON A PUPPY'S BACK! Overload. And I am happy.
Then Dean demonstrates said harmlessness by applying the buzzer to Sam's chest. Sammay's face? PRICELESS. As is the way he kinda jump/cringed, but yet still tried to smile reassuringly at the boy.
Blah blah. They leave. Sam's all "I can't believe you risked my ass," and Dean's "whatevs, bitch. I had a hunch."
Now this is due to my oh-so-reliable brain (which is currently being devoured by fever. NOT MY FAULT. This time) malfunctioning, but I can't remember exactly how Sam finds out about Julia Wright (I know he unsealed birth records and all that, but when? I don't remember another allusion to library time or maybe the hairy palm thing happened here. OMG I DON'T KNOW. I'm so sorry). Anyway, Julia Wright is Jesse's birth mother [and the whole name thing? did that happen off-camera? 'cause last I heard, the boy wouldn't give his name. then suddenly Dean's all "jesse turner this and jesse turner that". so, i don't know. again]. She lives clear across the state, but that doesn't stop our intrepid heroes [*snerk*] from visiting.
Julia Wright's house! She's paranoid. SamandDean are Agents PageandPlant. There are three deadbolts on the door and they have to slip their badges through the mail slot. She opens the door. SamandDean ask awkward questions about her pregnancy. Dean gets a little too intense and she runs back into the house. They chase her. She gets into a back room and showers them with salt. "You're not...demons?"
Obligatory hand and cup moment of realization. Mrs. Wright tells them about her pregnancy. Basically, she was possessed from conception to delivery. She remembers all of it. During the labor the pain must have helped her overpower the demon, because after the baby was born, she was able to take control of her body long enough to pour a whole bag of salt [that was oh-so-conveniently stored in the abandoned building the demon chose to give birth to the hybrid baby in. just sayin'] down her throat and force the demon out [tip she learned, might I add, from the demon]. She thought about killing the baby, but couldn't. ADOPTION! And, by the way, the chick was a virgin. Yeah, see. Important.
SamandDean tell her Jesse's a good kid. Also, that he's in Alliance. Could you hear the swell of dramatic music? I could.
Hotel room! Cas! SamandDean are surprised-but-not-surprised! The boy is the antichrist! Not Lucifer's son or anything, just a demon/human hybrid THAT IS A SUPER AWESOME WEAPON TO DESTROY THE ANGELS. If you, know, Lucifer could find him. Cas is all "we have to kill him." SamandDean are shooting squinty looks at each other and Cas and saying, "wtf, no. He's a kid." Cas gets all up in Sam's grill, growling, "wasn't so long ago you'd do whatever it took to win." Sam trots out the tritest phrase of the episode yet, complete with puppy eyes "Things change," and "maybe if we told him what he was, he'd make the right choice." Which, you know, I cringed at. Last season was not kind to us Sam!girls. So, I was expecting it when Cas leaned in with, "you didn't. I can't take that kind of chance."
Dean's all, "where's all this sexual tension coming from, guys? srsly, cut it out." And he gently pushes at Sam's forearm and gets in between him and Cas. And then - then HE TAKES SAM'S SIDE. Duh, I know, but still. Cas whooshes.
Okay, now two things happen. I'm not exactly sure in what order, since I've been writing this recap for a full hour and am still not done. Julia Wright is leaving her house - at night - for some reason I cannot fathom. Then, some middle-aged dude careens into her on her porch and is all "I'm sorry; didn't mean to startle you," and, you know, she's not suspicious at all. He turns out to be the demon that helped spawn (?) Jesse. In a very weird and cringe-worthy scene, the demon jumps from its current meatsuit to Julia. And since she knows where Jesse is (remember? remember?) the demon takes off for Alliance.
Cas goes to Jesse's house. He's all "I'm not here to hurt you" at Jesse, which is really not comforting coming from him. Also, Jesse screaming for his mom and dad nearly broke my heart. Then - and this doesn't make a lick of sense, because Cas knows the kid is muy powerful - he holds a knife up over his head like a killer in...well, almost every horror-flick to-date. Also? He really seemed to be taking his time advancing on the kid. I'm almost 100% certain that was to show his reluctance for the task.
Anyway, antichrist!Jesse turns Cas into action figure!Castiel. Complete with knife over head action. SamandDean bust in and ask Jesse if they've seen a man in a trenchcoat, and Jesse points mutely at action figure!Castiel. Then he asks, "is he a friend of yours?" Sam is pointedly quiet. Dean says, "NO." >heehee<. Even though I like Cas.
Then, SamandDean start on this spiel: "you're superman....except wthout the cape or go-go boots," "we search for special kids"...X-Men references..."we even have a guy in a wheelchair," OH POOR BOBBY. ILU. Just when the kid is buying it, demon!Julia storms in and does the whoosy wall-thing so common for her kind. There's the dialogue "I can't hurt you; it's against orders" to Sam, and "Hurting you is encouraged," to Dean. Hmm, yes. Thinky-thoughts abound.
BLAHBLAHBLAH. Demon spiel about how Jesse's part human and part "one of us" - which, vague much? *snerk*, no one trusts Jesse, how everyone's lied to him, because hey - even his parents aren't his parents, how they leave him alone all day [and, yeah, what is up with that?]. Blah. If he goes with her, he can be anyone or do anything he wants.
Sam either 1) fights through the demon inflicted pain, or 2) isn't as mojo'd as Dean [because the whole no-hurting thing Lucifer ordered]. But he manages to mumble past whatever the demon is doing to them. Enough so that Jesse is interested and tells the demon to let him talk. So he does. He gives the whole "Dean and I are brothers" blah speech. Then he tells Jesse everything. Jesse asks, "why are you telling me all this?" in the most heartbreaking voice ever. "Because maybe somebody can make the right choice...even if I couldn't." Yeah, because that was a shocker.
He exorcises the demon by just telling it to leave. Dean's "how'd you do that?" Jesse's "I just...did." Yeah, Dean, the kid is awesome. They talk the kid into going with them, but not changing action figure!Castiel back into regular!Cas ("he tried to kill me"). He wants to take his parents. SamandDean hem and haw about how dangerous it is. To me, they completely twisted their dad's story to fit into scaring the kid into leaving without them. But that's just me, I guess. So, the kid wants a few minutes to say goodbye. Fine. Go on, little antichrist!Jesse.
Jesse looks in on his parents. Sleeping. He goes into his room. Then we follow the camera back to SamandDean. Dean says "kid's been up there a long time." Panicked looks abound. They go rushing up the stairs. Jesse's room is empty except for a note. Paraphrased, he had to leave to keep his parents safe. He's sorry.
Cas makes a dramatic re-entrance by saying stuff and startling the crap out of SamandDean. Apparently, Jesse fixed everyone who was still alive. Blahblah. No, no one can find him now. Blah.
Okay. Impala! Dean's finally realizing that all those stupid lies normal parents told their kids [you know, everything he always mocked and degraded] has merit. 'Cause, they just single-handedly ruined a little boy's life by telling him the truth. And now he kinda wishes pa'Chester had lied to him.
Angsty Sam sighs angstily. "Me, too."
Wheeee! So that's it. Overall, I really adored the antichrist. He was cute. Also, SamandDean. Of course. But baby!antichrist stole the show. I mean, come on.
ETA: how could I forget about Cas sitting on the whoopie cushion when he goes to the hotel room to tell SamandDean about having to kill a kid? But I did! His "that wasn't me" was gold :) Who would have thought that Show could still work in light-hearted fun with child murder?