5.05
Okay, so this week - Fallen Idols
Opening scene - two dudes in a garage talking about stuff! Really excitedly! There's walking and talking and tarps and dramatc reveals. Wait, a car? A porsche (no, por-sha)? "Little Bastard"? Hm, I can tell this tidbit is important because the camera lingers on that decal 20 billion times. Okay, I'll remember that, because I'm sure I'm already supposed to know what it means, but I don't, and if Show is true to form all will be revealed in some Big Moment (tm) that occurs later.
Jim - is it Jim? The dude with the camcorder, whatever his name is, is he Paul Mc-something or other [in RL]...DR BECKETT OFF OF SGA? IS HE? BECAUSE I THINK HE IS AND I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK FROM GLEE. I'd hate to be wrong, but I probably am. Oh, well.
Dr. Beckett is taping. Dr. Beckett is happy. Dr. Beckett calls for his friend (the car hobbyist who may or may not be Jim). Dr. Beckett walks into the standard Gratuitous Bloody Scene of Death. He - IT'S CAL. Car hobbyist guy's name is CAL - starts screaming CAL'S name.
Cut to the Impala. Sam and Dean talk about the case. The vibes are weird and tense and just BLAH. Sam's whiny and Dean's growly (he's really staying with that this season, isn't he?). I want to hit my beloved Sam. I also want to shake whoever is writing his lines. Really? God, I'm getting nervous about where Sam is going as a character...it's kinda ridiculous, a little bit.
Okay, weird emotional stuff shoved to the side. We discover that Cal died from an 80 mph car crash in a car safely parked in the garage. In-trust-in'.
Sherriff Carnegie's office. Sherriff is a little desperate. Sam and Dean are a little mocking. "Can we talk to the witness?" Yes, yes, you may.
They talk, and then we find out just what "Little Bastard" is. Granted, we learn about it with Dean's orgasm going on as background noise, but still. It's James Dean's car. (<== thank you brate7 for catching that mistake *g*) You know, the one he died in? The one that's conveniently cursed? That one. I told you: Show never disappoints (except for when it does, but). What follows is a hilarious scene that I can't even begin to reproduce because I was busy snorfling through it. It's just reminiscent of the mood of Bad Day at Black Rock. Yay!
Sam does research. Dean flirts and drinks at a bar. Wait. Surprise! They were mistaken the first go round (because that never happens on Show). It's not Mr. Dean's car. It's just a fake.
Okay, here is where my trusty memory fails me, and I completely botch the timeline. All I know is the following things did happen, I'm just not completely sure when or in what order they happened. Oh, well.
Abraham Lincoln kills a civil war buff. Mr. Lincoln has some very scary and sharp teeth, but anyway. Sam tries speaking Spanish. Dean tries to help ("sombrero?" "no..a hat; not," makes swooshy hand movements. "Like a tall hat, like a stovepipe? What Lincoln wore?" "Si, Abraham Lincoln kill Mister Hill."), and Consuela the Maid nearly steals the show right then. She was an absolute riot. Sam and Dean do research (and when did Dean get a laptop? why is that the most important detail I picked up on? why does my pinkie finger hurt so much? it really, really does). Dean sees Mr. Martin on a freeze frame of Cal's murder. Holy fishpaste, Patrick! Angry famous spirits? Why not? But two? In Canton, OH (and oh my god I remembered that - mainly because my mom grew up there)? Sherriff Carnegie has some theories: NSA, maybe? Professionals, no doubt. I mean, it's tote obvs, man. For serial. Because those kinda guys don't leave any proof, anyway.
Somehow, from this, they get to the Wax Museum. There they find out about how the curator actually has stuff from the famous people (Gandhi's glasses, Fonzi's coat, Abraham's...something. Hat?). "Kinda like remains," and yeah, Dean. We got it, and if we got it, Sam had better have known it. But thanks, Captain Obvious. Anyway. Curator guy is zealous and gives Sam and Dean weird looks when they ask weird questions. Just like old times! Except how Dean and Sam just kinda fail!
Okay, now I'm not sure, but is this where Sam walks in on Dean's phone call? Yeah, yeah it is. Shut up. I didn't get to hear exactly what was going on when Dean was on the phone, but whatever it was sure pissed my mom off, let me tell you. She said things like "they act like Sam was the only one" "Dean was right there with him saying 'let's kill Lillith' for half the season," so I'm guessing the convo was something to do with that.
Anywhoozle, I did get Sam's "are we just going to pretend I didn't hear that?" Dean's all "whatevs, dude. Do what you want. Blargh."
Night. Wax Museum. Hi, I totally got the nod to JP's movie. Yes I did (I also got the Stephen King reference, though I forgot to mention it earlier. I'm proud, because I barely ever retain enough of the details to remember if there even were references). The PARIS HILTON under guest starring didn't escape my notice at the beginning, either. I just spent the entire show praying that was a horrible typo or a bad dream that I'd wake up from right before I had to endure it. You know the kind - where PARIS HILTON GUEST STARS IN SUPERNATURAL AND YOU'RE STUCK WATCHING IT, BECAUSE SHOW. Yeah, like those ones.
Anyway the Second: Wax Museum. Dean tries to be funny. He kinda fails, but props for trying, buddy. There is the requisite 'I must do something very critcal for the job way over on the other side of the building' moment. At which time Sam is left alone. Waiting, for Dean to come back with the 'east of eden' keychain? Um.
*start scary music* Sam, you realize something bad is about to happen, right? Good; just thought I'd ask. Sam gets all up close and personal with the Lincoln mannequin. This is the point where I began shrieking "OH MY GOD GET AWAY FROM IT. LINCOLN'S GOING TO EAT YOUR EYEBALLS, SAM!" Even though I knew he wasn't, because it was much too obvious. But still. Haunted museum and you're going to do that? Have you never watched horror-flicks before? Jesus.
But, wait! DOORS SLAM SHUT. No, that's not an overused horror device. Neither is Sam futilely running towards them. I noticed that Sam only called out for Dean, like, once. Which was odd, considering past seasons he'd shout til his voice was hoarse (yeah, I notice these things).
GHANDI ATTACKS. Aw, Sam, you have a demented toddler choking the life out of you. I just kind of wanted to laugh. The diaper. Oh, man.
Dean breaks back in pretty easily, all things considered. "The glasses!" That's right, Dean. Pay attention next time, yeah? Ghandi disappears. Sam makes "recovering from choking" faces, which involve a lot of flinching from his eye and cheek muscles, oddly enough, and remind me of a little mouse eating cheese. No, I don't know why.
Back at the motel. Sam is uneasy. The ghosts didn't go RAWR or flicker or shriek. In fact, you could say they...gave up the ghost too quickly (and apparently, Ghandi was hungry *winkwink*). And, yeah, I did chuckle while writing that. It helped to take my mind off of my extremely painful pinkie finger (why? I mean, really). Dean's dismissive (also, we learn that Dean thinks Sam's a geek [no, really?]; on top of that, the idea of a fruitarian is just too friggin' hilarious for Dean to take). Sam gets mad: "Oh, so you dragged me into town and now you're dragging me out?" And there's words like trust ladders (okay, maybe not exactly that, but the meaning's still there) and it's my fault and no, it's mine, but... and my favorite: you couldn't punish me any worse than I'm punishing myself, which, you know, is a fine sentiment to have (many a fic has been based on this very premise). But you know what? It's just god-awful weird to hear said out loud. I kinda wanted to shove that phrase right back down Sam's throat. Ugh.
But Sam needs equality. Trust is a two-way street. Their old way didn't work, I mean look at where they ended up. Dean acts stubborn and uncaring, but the man can't fool me. I saw his bubble-eyed thinky-face. Don't worry, Sam, he's taking this stuff to heart. Believe me.
A conveniently timed phone call saves us from a prolonged chick flick moment (what? apparently, if Dean isn't going to be acting like Dean, then I'll just have to do it). OH, MY. SAM WAS RIGHT. I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. REALLY.
Police department. Two crying teen girls. FBI!Sam and Dean. Paris Hilton is a kidnapper. Also, she is skinny and fast. Sam and Dean are confounded. This is delivered via many crinkle-foreheads and twisty eyebrows.
Sam morphs into a coronor or something, and goes rooting around in Cal or the other dude, you know, the one shot by Lincoln [HILL! His name is HILL!]. He finds seeds. This clearly MEANS SOMETHING, if Sam's own version of the thinky-face is anything to go by.
RESEARCH!SAMMY. Paris Hilton is a god [omg, what?]. Words thrown around: Leshii; forests; European; Balkins; feeding on worshipper's blood. Of course the forest was cut down so no trace of it remained. What else? Dean makes an offhand remark about this god just touching something and becoming a modern idol (oh, hi, shiny title). WHY, YES, DEAN. YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR.
So, they go a-hunting Paris Hilton. There is the mandatory "weapon flies out of their grasp" moment (and, really? can they not tighten their grip or something? how many time does this have to happen before they start doing wrist exercises to strengthen that up?). They are conked out. They wake up all tied up (they immediately commence the traditional fraying of the ropes). There is some painful monologuing from Ms. Hilton (I'm sorry, but she is just a weird looking chick. and I never knew her voice sounded like that. it's too bad I now have that knowledge in my head. ugh). There are some witty retorting from Dean ("I'm not a Hilton BFF" "I've never even seen House of Wax" and Sam's head whipping around - priceless!). Blah blah blah. Hey, the writers even threw in some social commentary! Multi-tasking FTW!
Then Hilton brings up Dean's daddy issues. She then gets tackled by Dean. Here goes the most ridiculous fight scene of the series to date. Sam gets loose, too, and does some kind of weird run-hopping thing, grabs an IRON AXE (because did I forget to mention that the only way to kill the Leshii was to chop its head off with an iron axe? I did? My bad). He then proceeds to chop the ever lovin' life out of Paris Hilton's head. He is once again covered in blood and oh, so happy about it. He slams Dean with "you so got wailed on by Paris Hilton." Eh. Weak.
Impala's trunk. Yet another emotion-laden HEAVY MOMENT (tm). Dean agrees with some of what Sam said earlier. It's not all Sam's fault; Dean's far "from innocent" since he broke the first seal. Sam protests that Dean didn't know. Dean protests back (re-protests?) that Sam didn't know about Lilith, either. Dean apologizes for what his overbearing, watching-like-a-hawk trust issue thing has done to Sam.
And then, you guys, and then he lets Sam drive. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.