From Robert-Morning Four
I've come to the realization that I now hate mornings worse that I ever did. I was able to eat a little bit of food last night and got about six hours of sleep...
As soon as I wake up our empty bed is a damned reminder that Jen is gone. It hurts so bad I wish I were dead. I know there would be people and friends that wold miss me, including some of new ones from LJ, but Jen had so many people that miss her. All the good aspects that came from us were from her...and now it's all gone.
I'll get through the next week or so - there are things I need to do for her and things I need to d for the our little kitties. After that I am fucking scared-I have a bad feeling that this feeling I get as soon as I wake is not going anywhere soon. I don't know if I can take it everyday weeks or months from now. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow...but I also have final thing to arrange for Jen.
It's only been four days and I'm sure I will "distract" myself for most of the day, but each morning it get worse and each day I miss her more. At times when I was stressed out or depressed she was there for me. Not now. I hate my life right now, hate myself for lettng her die and I hate this universe that would let someone likeher die instead of me that should have had all my luck used up in being married to her.
I'll trudge through the next couple of weeks...but I'm getting more afraid each day I wake up.
As soon as I wake up our empty bed is a damned reminder that Jen is gone. It hurts so bad I wish I were dead. I know there would be people and friends that wold miss me, including some of new ones from LJ, but Jen had so many people that miss her. All the good aspects that came from us were from her...and now it's all gone.
I'll get through the next week or so - there are things I need to do for her and things I need to d for the our little kitties. After that I am fucking scared-I have a bad feeling that this feeling I get as soon as I wake is not going anywhere soon. I don't know if I can take it everyday weeks or months from now. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow...but I also have final thing to arrange for Jen.
It's only been four days and I'm sure I will "distract" myself for most of the day, but each morning it get worse and each day I miss her more. At times when I was stressed out or depressed she was there for me. Not now. I hate my life right now, hate myself for lettng her die and I hate this universe that would let someone likeher die instead of me that should have had all my luck used up in being married to her.
I'll trudge through the next couple of weeks...but I'm getting more afraid each day I wake up.