Mind-dump.
Hrrm. Interesting week, thus far. Monday and tuesday were more or less just the daily grind; crawl out of bed, go to work, crawl out of work, go to arcade, play Gauntlet, go home. High point of tuesday - least, I think it was tuesday, might have been the monday - was Janet swinging by and saying Hi. Haven't seen her for quite a while; not since the last mudder bbq, at any rate. She was en route, and I had shit to do, so it wasn't much more than a 'hey, how are ya?', but still... cool to see her. Apparently she knew where I worked through this little doodad, which is vaguely surprising... I've never advertised this among the mudders, for starters. Guess my fame is spreading. Or at least oozing.
Wednesday was my first day at the Yeronga store; my boss has ambitions of owning 25+ subway stores, and this and the Wynnum store are the first acquisitions. I got rostered on over there to cover hours until we get permanent staff to cover the gaps in the roster left by the previous owners; they did somewhere in the order of 80 hours a week, between them. Anyways, I rock up at four, with the complete survival kit in my bag so I can swing by Missy and Craig's place (they live in the next suburb over) after work, hang out, and sling them a couple of books they expressed an interest in. Half past four, the boss tells me nope, sorry... head office refuses to authorise the transfer, so you'd better go home. We try to take over the store again in a fortnight; hopefully that will go without any major hitches. In the meantime, I'm working back at myer center so I don't lose too many hours; I think I end up out-of-pocket about 5 hours due to the fuck-around, which is sub-optimal but survivable; but I really miss working at that store... looked like a truly cool place, where I could just kick back and take it easy. Be nice to relax at work for a change instead of the constant rush-rush-rush.
So I was in Yeronga, at half-four, with nothing to do. Wandered over to Stephen's, because I heard a rumour that Afromann was cooking; shot the shit with Stephen for a while, then settled on the couch and watched Robotech with Snowy and Afro; worthy stuff. Then Snowy broke out the Oh! My Goddess... and I must officially state I'm hooked. Bad pony. Fancy getting me hooked on a new series when we only have five episodes to drool over... *grin* After we all finished drooling, Afro hooked us up with some more Kenshin, and we fell asleep... woke up, went to work, went to arcade, played gauntlet - got all 12 runestones! Woo! And am now level 68! Boo-yah! Came home via the chinese place in the village, so am comfortably replete with fried rice goodness. All is good in my little world.
Had the usual deep thoughs echoing around in my (hollow) skull; musings on a few things Missy said earlier in the week about Stephen and how he's taking the whole break-up thing, plus reflections on the male protagonist in Oh! My Goddess, and Janet re-appearing in my life... all seen through the focus of Neal Stephenson's fiction. Deep shit, if you look at it right. Anyways, Missy was commenting on how you always fall hardest for your first love; how that person will always and forevermore hold a piece of your heart. Pretty obvious how that relates to Stephen; he's taken it hard, and I honestly don't know if he'll ever learn to let go... but I got to thinking as to how that relates to me personally, as I usually do. I always figured Janet to have been my first great love; but given the relative disparity in how I dealt with the breakup with her and the breakup with Anthea, I have to wonder. Losing Janet knocked me around a bit, for sure; but I was able to sublimate that fairly easily into just background noise in my psyche, while Anthea... well, just read a couple of the earlier entries in this here thingamaflopsit. Came to the conclusion tonight over the chinese that it was a reflection of relative maturity and, for a lack of a better word, adulthood. While I was physically an adult when I encountered Janet, and I'd like to at least flatter myself into thinking I was intellectually an adult, emotionally I was still a mewling babe. Had no idea whatsoever how to deal with things in that realm, and ended up just drifting with the current as a result. Because of that, I didn't make much of a personal investment into things; I never committed to anything. I was alone... then there was another leaf drifting along beside me... then I was alone again. All there was to it, really. No investment, so no real loss. Whereas with Anthea I did, in my fumbling way, give of myself to make things work; I did it in all the wrong ways, of course, but I made that investment; and as a result, when I lost... I had something to lose. Perhaps that's why I got hit so hard... who knows. At any rate, I have to wonder... who was the 'first'? Or am I still just drifting along, waiting for my 'first' love to come along and make my life heaven and then hell in turn? Who knows... certainly not I. At least I've gained a little emotional maturity in the meantime. Or fooled myself into thinking I have. One thing's for sure, though.. if I keep this up, eventually I'll run out of mistakes and start getting things right. There's hope for me yet, as assorted female friends keep telling me... but why is it that it's always the ones that are taken that see my good points?
Probably the best thing that's happened to me, really... dropping out of uni and entering the 'real' world for a while. Not having outside confirmation, it's hard to tell, but I think I've 'matured' more in the last year or so than in the four or five preceeding it... a period of personal growth and consolidation, I guess. Had all my protective screens stripped away, and had to face the world on my own, without any of my usual security blankets... and I'd like to think I haven't made too much of a hash out of it. Situation like that you have to grow up, just to survive... past time I did that. I'm certainly the better for it.
A random thing I realised last night; well, more something I've always known came to the fore. Talking with Afro about anime - he ranks me as a medium-level otaku apprentice, at this point, and would probably be higher if I had the wherewithal to actually purchase my own - he told me about Berserk, which is being released here on DVD in a month or two. In Afro's words, it's about a large, angry dude with a huge sword - a 'thump' - who's got a curse on him so nothing ever goes right. Apparently he saw the trailer and just went 'Dilph'. Because that's the exact character I have the most affinity for; the big, brutal fighter-types with chronic bad luck. Usually toting sledgehammers. Or heavy assault weapons, depending on the period. Strange how that works out... and I've managed to trace the affinity for bigassed hammers back to early high school, where I built myself a sledge out of a chunk of four-by-four and a golf club, and used it to smash cane toads into submission... just wish I had the physique to do the hammer-toting aspect of my personality justice. Probably should start going to the gym/swimming/take up karate again, as I've been promising myself for the last few years...
Running joke between myself and Kelvin is that the only difference between us is our builds; Kelvin is a big boy. He used to be a 'breaker', as he puts it, and has moonlighted as debt-collection muscle, among other things. Personality-wise, we're close to identical; finishing each others sentences and such on occaision. Far too damn similar, sometimes. Scary. Most variations can be traced to the fact that while I've always had to hide behind others and avoid conflict, he's always had the bulk and authority to at least put up a fight; and usually come out on top. Much closer to the 'smash' side of things. So he tends to be a lot more up-front and brazen about things; whilst I skulk around the edges, hyper-cautious. Be interesting to see how we'd have worked out if our respective roles were reversed...
Wednesday was my first day at the Yeronga store; my boss has ambitions of owning 25+ subway stores, and this and the Wynnum store are the first acquisitions. I got rostered on over there to cover hours until we get permanent staff to cover the gaps in the roster left by the previous owners; they did somewhere in the order of 80 hours a week, between them. Anyways, I rock up at four, with the complete survival kit in my bag so I can swing by Missy and Craig's place (they live in the next suburb over) after work, hang out, and sling them a couple of books they expressed an interest in. Half past four, the boss tells me nope, sorry... head office refuses to authorise the transfer, so you'd better go home. We try to take over the store again in a fortnight; hopefully that will go without any major hitches. In the meantime, I'm working back at myer center so I don't lose too many hours; I think I end up out-of-pocket about 5 hours due to the fuck-around, which is sub-optimal but survivable; but I really miss working at that store... looked like a truly cool place, where I could just kick back and take it easy. Be nice to relax at work for a change instead of the constant rush-rush-rush.
So I was in Yeronga, at half-four, with nothing to do. Wandered over to Stephen's, because I heard a rumour that Afromann was cooking; shot the shit with Stephen for a while, then settled on the couch and watched Robotech with Snowy and Afro; worthy stuff. Then Snowy broke out the Oh! My Goddess... and I must officially state I'm hooked. Bad pony. Fancy getting me hooked on a new series when we only have five episodes to drool over... *grin* After we all finished drooling, Afro hooked us up with some more Kenshin, and we fell asleep... woke up, went to work, went to arcade, played gauntlet - got all 12 runestones! Woo! And am now level 68! Boo-yah! Came home via the chinese place in the village, so am comfortably replete with fried rice goodness. All is good in my little world.
Had the usual deep thoughs echoing around in my (hollow) skull; musings on a few things Missy said earlier in the week about Stephen and how he's taking the whole break-up thing, plus reflections on the male protagonist in Oh! My Goddess, and Janet re-appearing in my life... all seen through the focus of Neal Stephenson's fiction. Deep shit, if you look at it right. Anyways, Missy was commenting on how you always fall hardest for your first love; how that person will always and forevermore hold a piece of your heart. Pretty obvious how that relates to Stephen; he's taken it hard, and I honestly don't know if he'll ever learn to let go... but I got to thinking as to how that relates to me personally, as I usually do. I always figured Janet to have been my first great love; but given the relative disparity in how I dealt with the breakup with her and the breakup with Anthea, I have to wonder. Losing Janet knocked me around a bit, for sure; but I was able to sublimate that fairly easily into just background noise in my psyche, while Anthea... well, just read a couple of the earlier entries in this here thingamaflopsit. Came to the conclusion tonight over the chinese that it was a reflection of relative maturity and, for a lack of a better word, adulthood. While I was physically an adult when I encountered Janet, and I'd like to at least flatter myself into thinking I was intellectually an adult, emotionally I was still a mewling babe. Had no idea whatsoever how to deal with things in that realm, and ended up just drifting with the current as a result. Because of that, I didn't make much of a personal investment into things; I never committed to anything. I was alone... then there was another leaf drifting along beside me... then I was alone again. All there was to it, really. No investment, so no real loss. Whereas with Anthea I did, in my fumbling way, give of myself to make things work; I did it in all the wrong ways, of course, but I made that investment; and as a result, when I lost... I had something to lose. Perhaps that's why I got hit so hard... who knows. At any rate, I have to wonder... who was the 'first'? Or am I still just drifting along, waiting for my 'first' love to come along and make my life heaven and then hell in turn? Who knows... certainly not I. At least I've gained a little emotional maturity in the meantime. Or fooled myself into thinking I have. One thing's for sure, though.. if I keep this up, eventually I'll run out of mistakes and start getting things right. There's hope for me yet, as assorted female friends keep telling me... but why is it that it's always the ones that are taken that see my good points?
Probably the best thing that's happened to me, really... dropping out of uni and entering the 'real' world for a while. Not having outside confirmation, it's hard to tell, but I think I've 'matured' more in the last year or so than in the four or five preceeding it... a period of personal growth and consolidation, I guess. Had all my protective screens stripped away, and had to face the world on my own, without any of my usual security blankets... and I'd like to think I haven't made too much of a hash out of it. Situation like that you have to grow up, just to survive... past time I did that. I'm certainly the better for it.
A random thing I realised last night; well, more something I've always known came to the fore. Talking with Afro about anime - he ranks me as a medium-level otaku apprentice, at this point, and would probably be higher if I had the wherewithal to actually purchase my own - he told me about Berserk, which is being released here on DVD in a month or two. In Afro's words, it's about a large, angry dude with a huge sword - a 'thump' - who's got a curse on him so nothing ever goes right. Apparently he saw the trailer and just went 'Dilph'. Because that's the exact character I have the most affinity for; the big, brutal fighter-types with chronic bad luck. Usually toting sledgehammers. Or heavy assault weapons, depending on the period. Strange how that works out... and I've managed to trace the affinity for bigassed hammers back to early high school, where I built myself a sledge out of a chunk of four-by-four and a golf club, and used it to smash cane toads into submission... just wish I had the physique to do the hammer-toting aspect of my personality justice. Probably should start going to the gym/swimming/take up karate again, as I've been promising myself for the last few years...
Running joke between myself and Kelvin is that the only difference between us is our builds; Kelvin is a big boy. He used to be a 'breaker', as he puts it, and has moonlighted as debt-collection muscle, among other things. Personality-wise, we're close to identical; finishing each others sentences and such on occaision. Far too damn similar, sometimes. Scary. Most variations can be traced to the fact that while I've always had to hide behind others and avoid conflict, he's always had the bulk and authority to at least put up a fight; and usually come out on top. Much closer to the 'smash' side of things. So he tends to be a lot more up-front and brazen about things; whilst I skulk around the edges, hyper-cautious. Be interesting to see how we'd have worked out if our respective roles were reversed...