Remuré Memorium- Part 7
Author: dream-edge
Title: Remuré Memorium
Summary: The hardest thing to say is nothing at all. When Dillon and Ziggy are seperated from the rest of the team a secret Ziggy never should have kept will be revealed. Ziggy doesn't expect forgiveness.
Rating: M
Pairings: Dillon/Ziggy
Disclaimer: I do not own the Power Rangers or anything related to the franchise.
Notes: I first want to apologize for the long wait. And then I want to apologize for how short this chapter is. I had to cut a few sceens from this chapter otherwise I never would have been able to finish. Those sceens have since been slipped into other chapters.
Remuré Memorium
Chapter 7
It felt like the world had fallen out around him. His thoughts spun in an endless circle and his breath came in short, sharp pants. He stared down at Ziggy, the younger man's brown eyes dark and closed off, unable to read. The bond was silent, offering no comfort or reassurance, that all too familiar wall separating them. Ziggy's words echoed hollowly in his head for a long time. "I am sorry Dillon. But I can't tell you what you need to hear."
The words weren't a lie. They couldn't be. Ziggy wouldn't lie to him, not now, not after everything, not about this. Kilobot had been telling him the truth. He had given up his memories. He had given up everything. His family, his home. Tenaya. God, he'd given up Tenaya. And Ziggy.
He'd left Ziggy alone with his pain.
"Why?" he asked quietly. Why had he left Tenaya defenseless? Why had he left Ziggy terrified and alone in the middle of a war? He needed a reason, a good reason, otherwise he'd go insane. Ziggy stared back at him calmly, seeming unaffected by what was happening. His face was a perfect, blank mask that Dillon was coming to hate as much as his smiling one. The small second of silence grew longer and longer until it felt like they'd been like this all night. And with each passing second, the urge to turn and run without an answer grew and grew. As much as he needed an answer, he was afraid to hear it. Afraid the reason wasn't good enough. Afraid he had just been selfish.
"I can't tell you."
The words were soft, timid, and if it weren't for his implants, he probably wouldn't have heard it. Ziggy looked away from him once he said it, bowing his head and hunching his shoulders. 'I can't tell you.' That had been the answer to hundreds of small, unimportant questions he'd asked about his life over the past weeks. Ziggy couldn't tell him anything about life except for vague, irrelevant hints and clues. But this was the first time he had ever asked something so important and gotten that answer. To the important questions Ziggy always found some answer, no matter how strange it seemed. But now, he had nothing.
He slipped down, landing hard on the ground. Ziggy's mask shattered completely at that and he shot up from the bed, kneeling down next to him with a panicked look. Dillon barely heard his worried calls, his thoughts spinning in circles. All the arguments, all the harsh words, pounded down on him, closing in on him from all sides. Things Ziggy had said before suddenly gained a new, sickening meaning. And like someone had slipped a switch, he felt all the anger and mistrust he'd thrown at Ziggy turn back onto himself.
"I trusted you and you lied to me!"
"Did you like watching me suffer?"
"Can you even explain this?"
"Do you think me that horrible a person?"
"You! You left me alone, Dillon!"
"You looked right through me…"
"You left me alone, Dillon!"
The feeling of Ziggy's warm hands on his face, tilting his head back up, pulled him back to the present. "My fault." He whispered when he finally had the strength to look Ziggy in the eyes again. His voice sounded hollow even to him. "All this. All the lies and secrets. All the tears. My fault. Right?" he asked quietly, unable to look away now. "You just did what I wanted and I… hated you for it." He raised his hand and gently placed it against Ziggy's cheek, the skin soft and warm beneath his fingers, slowly trailing his thumb over Ziggy's bottom lip. The mere idea of being without this, the sense of belonging, made him want to die. "How could I give this up?"
Ziggy's expression wavered, caught somewhere between sorrow and panic. His mouth opened and closed several times; through the bond, Dillon could hear the start of his previous reply before it was cut short. He continued to slowly stroke Ziggy's cheek, the warmth partly from the bond, partly from Ziggy's skin. "Because," Ziggy paused again and looked down, biting his lip. After a moment, Ziggy looked up again. "You said being with me was good but," He whispered hesitantly. "Keeping Venjix far away from me was better."
"Wha…?"
Ziggy shook his head, his expression pained. "I can't say more than that. I'm sorry."
Dillon slipped the hand he had on his cheek to his neck and tugged him closer, pressing a desperate kiss to the younger Ranger's lips. Ziggy should have hated him for leaving. Should have but didn't. No, he loved him too much to do so. Had he known that? That Ziggy loved him so much? Had he uses that, had he expected Ziggy to welcome him with open arms when or even if he did come back? He really hoped he hadn't. The thought made him sick; made him feel like the lowest scum in the world. He pulled away slowly, staring down at Ziggy sadly. "Why did you let me blame you?"
"I feel everything you do, Dillon. So I would rather you hate me than yourself." Ziggy whispered back. He reached his hands up to frame Dillon's face like the older man had previously done. "I can't explain everything. I wish I could but I can't. That's why you have to trust when I say you are the only reason I'm alive right now."
"What's the point of living if you're all alone?" Dillon asked. He had spent months in the Wasteland; he knew what it was like to be alone. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. Ziggy blinked then smiled slightly. He leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips that Dillon gladly lost himself in. It allowed him to push everything to the back of his mind for a few seconds and pretend it wasn't real. He didn't want all these problems to be real. So he drew it out as long as possible.
When Ziggy pulled back, he looked slightly flushed. "I could say something really corny, because I've gotten very good at that lately," he breathed with a small smile of amusement, "but I doubt you would listen much. So I want to show you something." He reached down and gently clasped their hands together. The soft glow of the bond lit up. Dillon didn't say anything, merely looked at him. "Do you remember what this means, Dillon?" he asked quietly. Dillon shook his head. Ziggy didn't look that surprised but he did look a little disappointed; Dillon winced just slightly in response. "When you do," Ziggy told him, "You'll understand."
Dillon stared at him for a long time then pulled him close, holding him tight to his chest and unwilling to let him go. And if he held just a bit too tight, well then, Ziggy never complained.
--0--0--
When Dillon woke up, he knew immediately that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. And he really didn't care. He was warm and comfortable, almost peaceful. He couldn't quite remember where he was or how he had gotten there but he didn't much like the thought of opening his eyes to find out. He would much rather be back asleep. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could not fall back to sleep. So he slowly slid his eyes open to look around and the first thing he saw was the top of Ziggy's messy hair.
He blinked in surprise and looked down. Ziggy was lying next to him, not exactly pressed against him but very close to that, and one of his legs was curled against his chest. His expression was peaceful, his breathing even, and the emotions coming from him were undisturbed. When had they crawled into bed last night? Why exactly hadn't he gone back to his room? Slowly, Dillon leveled himself up on his arm to stare down at Ziggy fondly. Ziggy didn't move, just continued to sleep soundly next to him, unaware of the rest of the world.
He thought briefly back to the previous night before shoving the memories to the back of his head, not wanting to think about what he had learned. He shouldn't be here. Not when Ziggy deserved so much more than what he'd been given. As quietly as he could, he rolled out of the bed and eased his shoes back on before walking out. Closing the door as softly as he could, he turned around to find Summer standing at the top of the stairs staring at him with wide eyes. Staring at him walking out of Ziggy's room when she hadn't seen him enter this morning but had last night. Great.
"Dillon?" she whispered in surprise. He decided to go with nonchalant and nodded to her as if this happened every day. "Morning Summer." He greeted, trying to move past her to go downstairs.
She grabbed his elbow as he passed. "I think we should talk Dillon." She told him. Oh boy. He really wasn't up to another heart-to-heart with anyone any time soon. And he didn't want to have to answer any of the many hard and uncomfortable questions she undoubtedly had for him. "So I do." He agreed. "Just not right now." He waited for her to let him go, not wanting to shove her off. But she didn't. He should have known she wouldn't. Damn it, why did he always attract the stubborn ones?
"You'll keep pushing it away and we'll never talk." She insisted. She was probably right but this was so much more Ziggy's area than his. If only he'd thought of all this hassle in Egypt, maybe he would have thought to ask Ziggy what to do about it. Of course, he would have gotten the same answer than that he would get now if he asked: a laugh in the face. Instead, he gave her a minor glare and willed her to let him go. Ziggy always got the message; but then again, Ziggy was in his head. And even before the bond had reawakened, no one had been able to read him the way Ziggy could.
She let him go, surprisingly, but when she did so it seemed almost like some force had pushed her away. He ignored the strange action and gave her another nod then continued down the stairs. He wasn't even two steps away from them when both Gem and Gemma slipped in front of him so fast he had to try not to jump back. He glared hard at them. "What have we said about just appearing like that?" he asked.
Both twins ignored the glare and glanced up to Ziggy's door before looking back down at him as one. It was slightly- a lot- creepy. "You better not-
-hurt him." They told him calmly, almost cheerfully, before bouncing back to whatever they had been doing. He watched them go in confusion and no little fear. They were all aware of just what the twins could do and most of them worried that whatever kind of crazy they had was contagious. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before moving on to the kitchen like he had originally planned. He could already tell it was going to be a long day.
--0--0--
Ziggy's eyes slowly slid open. He smiled softly, hanging onto the last warm visages of his sleep. He didn't want to move, even though he knew he had to. Finally, he pushed himself up, looking around at the rest of his room and sighing when he noticed it was empty except for him. Dillon was gone. He didn't know why he was surprised, really. He hadn't expected Dillon to even stay the night like he had; there was no reason to expect him to be here when he woke up.
Still, he had hoped he would be here.
He closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall back onto the bed. As he lay there, trying not to move, he picked up the fading traces of magic within the building. He frowned slightly at the cluster of energy near the stairs, recognizing the feeling it gave off. A feeling of silent strength and companionship, as if it would pull him in and surround him with warmth. Dillon's magic. He sighed softly and turned his head to bury in the pillow next to him. It still smelled like Dillon. He let both that and the feel of the magic wash over him and surround him, isolating him from the rest of the world. Dillon's magic had always been soothing to him and he had missed its presence. Back at the Kanes' house, Dillon's magic had been used so much that it had become ingrained into the very walls and he had gotten used to it.
The Garage, although pulsing with the presence of all the Rangers, contained not an ounce of magic. Dillon was the exact opposite of him in magic. He had an iron control, the kind that had long since become subconscious, and he had never slipped. When he had forgotten how to use it, he had simply stopped using it. If Ziggy did that though, he'd lose control in seconds. He sighed in renewed contentment. He had missed the calming presence. He'd have to ask later what had prompted Dillon to use it.
As he nestled back into his blankets, preparing to drift back to sleep, he became aware of another source of magic, much farther out, probably not even in the city. And it was just as familiar. It was Tenaya's unique magic, a wealth of power that felt much older than Tenaya herself. It was the biggest clue that pointed to what she truly was. A Seer.
He pulled himself from the mess of blankets and looked in the direction he felt the magic coming from. Her powers were reawakening.
--0--0--
Tenaya 15, although still some part human, had stopped listening to the part of her that demanded, begged, and pleaded that she leave the Rangers alone. She obeyed her programming and Master Venjix, burying the human part of her deeper and deeper till it barely existed any more. Her human side was useless to her now, and thus, needed to be deleted. It was insistent though, always speaking up at the wrong moments.
However, for the last few weeks, that voice had been silent, almost content. A sense of superiority came from that part of her, as if it knew something she did not. And although she did not feel emotions as she once had, a degree of anxiety seized her and didn't let go, building slowly with every day, ever since Rangers Black and Green had returned from their… trip. And whenever she tried to dig deeper into that feeling, uncover what was causing her human side to calm down, all she uncovered were vague images of an antique key, a stylized sword, and clasped hands that glowed a brilliant white. After that, she was blocked out by a wall, as if something was stopping her from accessing her own memory banks.
"Tenaya."
She looked up at the call of her master, pulling herself out of the search through her databanks. Venjix watched her for a moment then beckoned her forward. It was once again time to infiltrate Corinth.
Title: Remuré Memorium
Summary: The hardest thing to say is nothing at all. When Dillon and Ziggy are seperated from the rest of the team a secret Ziggy never should have kept will be revealed. Ziggy doesn't expect forgiveness.
Rating: M
Pairings: Dillon/Ziggy
Disclaimer: I do not own the Power Rangers or anything related to the franchise.
Notes: I first want to apologize for the long wait. And then I want to apologize for how short this chapter is. I had to cut a few sceens from this chapter otherwise I never would have been able to finish. Those sceens have since been slipped into other chapters.
Remuré Memorium
Chapter 7
It felt like the world had fallen out around him. His thoughts spun in an endless circle and his breath came in short, sharp pants. He stared down at Ziggy, the younger man's brown eyes dark and closed off, unable to read. The bond was silent, offering no comfort or reassurance, that all too familiar wall separating them. Ziggy's words echoed hollowly in his head for a long time. "I am sorry Dillon. But I can't tell you what you need to hear."
The words weren't a lie. They couldn't be. Ziggy wouldn't lie to him, not now, not after everything, not about this. Kilobot had been telling him the truth. He had given up his memories. He had given up everything. His family, his home. Tenaya. God, he'd given up Tenaya. And Ziggy.
He'd left Ziggy alone with his pain.
"Why?" he asked quietly. Why had he left Tenaya defenseless? Why had he left Ziggy terrified and alone in the middle of a war? He needed a reason, a good reason, otherwise he'd go insane. Ziggy stared back at him calmly, seeming unaffected by what was happening. His face was a perfect, blank mask that Dillon was coming to hate as much as his smiling one. The small second of silence grew longer and longer until it felt like they'd been like this all night. And with each passing second, the urge to turn and run without an answer grew and grew. As much as he needed an answer, he was afraid to hear it. Afraid the reason wasn't good enough. Afraid he had just been selfish.
"I can't tell you."
The words were soft, timid, and if it weren't for his implants, he probably wouldn't have heard it. Ziggy looked away from him once he said it, bowing his head and hunching his shoulders. 'I can't tell you.' That had been the answer to hundreds of small, unimportant questions he'd asked about his life over the past weeks. Ziggy couldn't tell him anything about life except for vague, irrelevant hints and clues. But this was the first time he had ever asked something so important and gotten that answer. To the important questions Ziggy always found some answer, no matter how strange it seemed. But now, he had nothing.
He slipped down, landing hard on the ground. Ziggy's mask shattered completely at that and he shot up from the bed, kneeling down next to him with a panicked look. Dillon barely heard his worried calls, his thoughts spinning in circles. All the arguments, all the harsh words, pounded down on him, closing in on him from all sides. Things Ziggy had said before suddenly gained a new, sickening meaning. And like someone had slipped a switch, he felt all the anger and mistrust he'd thrown at Ziggy turn back onto himself.
"I trusted you and you lied to me!"
"Did you like watching me suffer?"
"Can you even explain this?"
"Do you think me that horrible a person?"
"You! You left me alone, Dillon!"
"You looked right through me…"
"You left me alone, Dillon!"
The feeling of Ziggy's warm hands on his face, tilting his head back up, pulled him back to the present. "My fault." He whispered when he finally had the strength to look Ziggy in the eyes again. His voice sounded hollow even to him. "All this. All the lies and secrets. All the tears. My fault. Right?" he asked quietly, unable to look away now. "You just did what I wanted and I… hated you for it." He raised his hand and gently placed it against Ziggy's cheek, the skin soft and warm beneath his fingers, slowly trailing his thumb over Ziggy's bottom lip. The mere idea of being without this, the sense of belonging, made him want to die. "How could I give this up?"
Ziggy's expression wavered, caught somewhere between sorrow and panic. His mouth opened and closed several times; through the bond, Dillon could hear the start of his previous reply before it was cut short. He continued to slowly stroke Ziggy's cheek, the warmth partly from the bond, partly from Ziggy's skin. "Because," Ziggy paused again and looked down, biting his lip. After a moment, Ziggy looked up again. "You said being with me was good but," He whispered hesitantly. "Keeping Venjix far away from me was better."
"Wha…?"
Ziggy shook his head, his expression pained. "I can't say more than that. I'm sorry."
Dillon slipped the hand he had on his cheek to his neck and tugged him closer, pressing a desperate kiss to the younger Ranger's lips. Ziggy should have hated him for leaving. Should have but didn't. No, he loved him too much to do so. Had he known that? That Ziggy loved him so much? Had he uses that, had he expected Ziggy to welcome him with open arms when or even if he did come back? He really hoped he hadn't. The thought made him sick; made him feel like the lowest scum in the world. He pulled away slowly, staring down at Ziggy sadly. "Why did you let me blame you?"
"I feel everything you do, Dillon. So I would rather you hate me than yourself." Ziggy whispered back. He reached his hands up to frame Dillon's face like the older man had previously done. "I can't explain everything. I wish I could but I can't. That's why you have to trust when I say you are the only reason I'm alive right now."
"What's the point of living if you're all alone?" Dillon asked. He had spent months in the Wasteland; he knew what it was like to be alone. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. Ziggy blinked then smiled slightly. He leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips that Dillon gladly lost himself in. It allowed him to push everything to the back of his mind for a few seconds and pretend it wasn't real. He didn't want all these problems to be real. So he drew it out as long as possible.
When Ziggy pulled back, he looked slightly flushed. "I could say something really corny, because I've gotten very good at that lately," he breathed with a small smile of amusement, "but I doubt you would listen much. So I want to show you something." He reached down and gently clasped their hands together. The soft glow of the bond lit up. Dillon didn't say anything, merely looked at him. "Do you remember what this means, Dillon?" he asked quietly. Dillon shook his head. Ziggy didn't look that surprised but he did look a little disappointed; Dillon winced just slightly in response. "When you do," Ziggy told him, "You'll understand."
Dillon stared at him for a long time then pulled him close, holding him tight to his chest and unwilling to let him go. And if he held just a bit too tight, well then, Ziggy never complained.
--0--0--
When Dillon woke up, he knew immediately that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. And he really didn't care. He was warm and comfortable, almost peaceful. He couldn't quite remember where he was or how he had gotten there but he didn't much like the thought of opening his eyes to find out. He would much rather be back asleep. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could not fall back to sleep. So he slowly slid his eyes open to look around and the first thing he saw was the top of Ziggy's messy hair.
He blinked in surprise and looked down. Ziggy was lying next to him, not exactly pressed against him but very close to that, and one of his legs was curled against his chest. His expression was peaceful, his breathing even, and the emotions coming from him were undisturbed. When had they crawled into bed last night? Why exactly hadn't he gone back to his room? Slowly, Dillon leveled himself up on his arm to stare down at Ziggy fondly. Ziggy didn't move, just continued to sleep soundly next to him, unaware of the rest of the world.
He thought briefly back to the previous night before shoving the memories to the back of his head, not wanting to think about what he had learned. He shouldn't be here. Not when Ziggy deserved so much more than what he'd been given. As quietly as he could, he rolled out of the bed and eased his shoes back on before walking out. Closing the door as softly as he could, he turned around to find Summer standing at the top of the stairs staring at him with wide eyes. Staring at him walking out of Ziggy's room when she hadn't seen him enter this morning but had last night. Great.
"Dillon?" she whispered in surprise. He decided to go with nonchalant and nodded to her as if this happened every day. "Morning Summer." He greeted, trying to move past her to go downstairs.
She grabbed his elbow as he passed. "I think we should talk Dillon." She told him. Oh boy. He really wasn't up to another heart-to-heart with anyone any time soon. And he didn't want to have to answer any of the many hard and uncomfortable questions she undoubtedly had for him. "So I do." He agreed. "Just not right now." He waited for her to let him go, not wanting to shove her off. But she didn't. He should have known she wouldn't. Damn it, why did he always attract the stubborn ones?
"You'll keep pushing it away and we'll never talk." She insisted. She was probably right but this was so much more Ziggy's area than his. If only he'd thought of all this hassle in Egypt, maybe he would have thought to ask Ziggy what to do about it. Of course, he would have gotten the same answer than that he would get now if he asked: a laugh in the face. Instead, he gave her a minor glare and willed her to let him go. Ziggy always got the message; but then again, Ziggy was in his head. And even before the bond had reawakened, no one had been able to read him the way Ziggy could.
She let him go, surprisingly, but when she did so it seemed almost like some force had pushed her away. He ignored the strange action and gave her another nod then continued down the stairs. He wasn't even two steps away from them when both Gem and Gemma slipped in front of him so fast he had to try not to jump back. He glared hard at them. "What have we said about just appearing like that?" he asked.
Both twins ignored the glare and glanced up to Ziggy's door before looking back down at him as one. It was slightly- a lot- creepy. "You better not-
-hurt him." They told him calmly, almost cheerfully, before bouncing back to whatever they had been doing. He watched them go in confusion and no little fear. They were all aware of just what the twins could do and most of them worried that whatever kind of crazy they had was contagious. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before moving on to the kitchen like he had originally planned. He could already tell it was going to be a long day.
--0--0--
Ziggy's eyes slowly slid open. He smiled softly, hanging onto the last warm visages of his sleep. He didn't want to move, even though he knew he had to. Finally, he pushed himself up, looking around at the rest of his room and sighing when he noticed it was empty except for him. Dillon was gone. He didn't know why he was surprised, really. He hadn't expected Dillon to even stay the night like he had; there was no reason to expect him to be here when he woke up.
Still, he had hoped he would be here.
He closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall back onto the bed. As he lay there, trying not to move, he picked up the fading traces of magic within the building. He frowned slightly at the cluster of energy near the stairs, recognizing the feeling it gave off. A feeling of silent strength and companionship, as if it would pull him in and surround him with warmth. Dillon's magic. He sighed softly and turned his head to bury in the pillow next to him. It still smelled like Dillon. He let both that and the feel of the magic wash over him and surround him, isolating him from the rest of the world. Dillon's magic had always been soothing to him and he had missed its presence. Back at the Kanes' house, Dillon's magic had been used so much that it had become ingrained into the very walls and he had gotten used to it.
The Garage, although pulsing with the presence of all the Rangers, contained not an ounce of magic. Dillon was the exact opposite of him in magic. He had an iron control, the kind that had long since become subconscious, and he had never slipped. When he had forgotten how to use it, he had simply stopped using it. If Ziggy did that though, he'd lose control in seconds. He sighed in renewed contentment. He had missed the calming presence. He'd have to ask later what had prompted Dillon to use it.
As he nestled back into his blankets, preparing to drift back to sleep, he became aware of another source of magic, much farther out, probably not even in the city. And it was just as familiar. It was Tenaya's unique magic, a wealth of power that felt much older than Tenaya herself. It was the biggest clue that pointed to what she truly was. A Seer.
He pulled himself from the mess of blankets and looked in the direction he felt the magic coming from. Her powers were reawakening.
--0--0--
Tenaya 15, although still some part human, had stopped listening to the part of her that demanded, begged, and pleaded that she leave the Rangers alone. She obeyed her programming and Master Venjix, burying the human part of her deeper and deeper till it barely existed any more. Her human side was useless to her now, and thus, needed to be deleted. It was insistent though, always speaking up at the wrong moments.
However, for the last few weeks, that voice had been silent, almost content. A sense of superiority came from that part of her, as if it knew something she did not. And although she did not feel emotions as she once had, a degree of anxiety seized her and didn't let go, building slowly with every day, ever since Rangers Black and Green had returned from their… trip. And whenever she tried to dig deeper into that feeling, uncover what was causing her human side to calm down, all she uncovered were vague images of an antique key, a stylized sword, and clasped hands that glowed a brilliant white. After that, she was blocked out by a wall, as if something was stopping her from accessing her own memory banks.
"Tenaya."
She looked up at the call of her master, pulling herself out of the search through her databanks. Venjix watched her for a moment then beckoned her forward. It was once again time to infiltrate Corinth.