Way Up High, Birds Fly, Why Then Oh Why Can't I?

[dilligentsausag]

I think this will be the last of my entries for a while. I'm feeling great actually, and so mellow. I had a great valentines day, mostly just because i had absolutely no pressure on me to do anything. It's so liberating to feel better finally. I bought a rose, went to tufts, met alex, gave him his rose, then we went to his dorm and drank wine and watched "Singles" which was a great movie. Very good, very funny, disgustingly pukingly lovie-dovey, then talked about relationships and life and everything. It was so chill. I walked back to the station in the pouring rain and didn't even mind. I'm feeling the way i did over the summer when i was independent and happy and just enjoyed being outside. The weather is taking a turn for the sunnier and i think that's making a huge difference in my disposition. I'm going to Nicaragua TOMORROW and it's sooo exciting. I love to travel and i feel like this is going to be a very fulfilling trip for me. I'm also excited because today greg mumbled angrilly at me, which is the first sign of him opening up to me AT ALL like ever. That's probably the number one thing i've ever wanted from him. He keeps everything secret and bottled up inside, i've just wanted him to share more, be more open about how he's feeling, and not take shit from people that he doesn't deserve shit from (me, mostly). I've tried love, i've tried hate. I'm finally getting a response. Perhaps soon he will confront me. That would be the day. It might give me some closure to have him bitch me out and for us to have a final verbal stand-off. There are lots of things i want to say to him and i'm sure he wants to tell me a lot of things too. I've decided that i want to thank him for finally ending the relationship. We both knew in the last few months, that it needed to end but i just couldn't give up. I think his strength made it better for both of us. Anyway, i'm trying to wean myself off LJ for a little while. I'm gonna switch to paper journal. I don't want to quit LJ completely, i just want to change it to be more of what i would like out of an internet journal. I want to make it more artistic, i will post pics of my artwork, writing that i want to share, funny things, etc. Instead of day to day updates and events. I'm so excited for things CHANGING. I will pick up post cards and goodies for everyone. I'll see you in a week! CALL ME!

Love Forever and Always,

Laurel