24 Months (Two Years) - unHappy anniversary, Broken Promise

[digzmania]

Today marks the two year anniversary of Karen's Broken Promise to be my Fetish Barberette for the summer (a period of time that was agreed to encompass 3 months, aka 92 days), in exchange for setting up a pool for the family.
2 Years = 24 months = 730 days = 17,520 Hours = 1,051,200 Minutes = 63,072,000 Seconds

The deal was made on 06/26/2012. Karen and I made an agreement to wait until the beginning of July to start the 92 day clock; mainly because we knew someone's visit was due at any time, we hadn't yet installed the pool, and I wanted time to order her a latex rubber dress to wear while she smoked and shaved my head.

Aunt Flo showed up on 07/01/2012, as we had anticipated, and the latex dress arrived in the mail on Thursday 07/12/2012. So, there has been absolutely no valid excuse, since Friday 07/13/2012 till 05/31/2013, for Karen to not have been able to have kept her promise to me. During that 323 day window, she could have fully kept her promise to be my sexy smoking barberette 3.51 times over. Instead, like usual, I was pushed aside, ignored, and intentionally forgotten. Keeping her promise was never a serious consideration. Instead, it was a burden that she hoped would just go away and be forgotten.

Well, the broken Promise hasn't been forgotten; and I'm not sure it will ever be forgiven.This is the last time I'm going to write about this in my journal, so I want to get a few things off of my chest before I bury it back down deep inside of me.

Even the excuses, for not keeping the promise, fail to hold up:

• "Your expectations were too elaborate and detailed." : No. My desire to share and experience something very precious and special to me with the woman I love, was apparently too much of a burden to ask. And, instead of talking to me and sharing her concerns about not being able to live up to my expectations, I was just rejected and ignored outright. Neither an acceptable reaction.
  
  
• "You said that you wanted your head shaved in a room at the Ameristar casino. neither of us had money to spend $250 for a room at the Ameristar." : FALSE. Again, an inconvenience was used as a scapegoat for not fulfilling the promise.
  1. Had I known that was the reason for delay, I would have been willing to share the experience in other settings.
  2. Had I been made aware that concern over money was a significant issue, I would have been more than happy to have footed the bill myself. I had money tucked away in a special fund for exactly such a situation, as well as the fact that I could have borrowed from savings that I already had in place, that were set aside and growing for a huge birthday party that I was planning for the following year - in May 2013.
  3. The price for a smoking room, with two king sized beds, and giant marble bathroom, at the Ameristar Casino, fluctuates in price by month, week, and even day of the week selected for reservation. As I was already aware, and even showed in a recent post ( 03 JUN 2014) that same room goes for as low as $129 to $149. With a bit of willingness to plan ahead, and being willing to make special arrangements that didn't have to just be a last minute "lets hurry up and do this, so we can get it over with and be done with it" attitude on what ever convenient Saturday night happen to present itself... it could really have been a very nice, romantic, and special moment for me.
     
     But I don't rate that high on the ladder of important things worthy of consideration. Want to know how low I rate? We can't spend $129 to $250 on a hotel room to share very a special and intimate moment together. One that I would have treasured till my dying breath. But we can spend $200 for a pair of concert tickets that we never even attended.
  
  
• "I never imagined that me not being able to smoke while giving you a haircut, meant that I couldn't still keep our agreement to shave your head." ~(Quote from conversation 07/02/2013) - That is probably the biggest lie that has ever come out of my wife's mouth in any response she has ever given to me. She knew. In all of the years that we have been together, I have never once asked her to be my barberette in a scenario that did not involve her smoking a cigarette while she cut or shaved my hair. Having a barberette smoke while my hair is cut is such an important, and integral, part of the fantasy/fetish that I often have asked her to smoke a specific brand of cigarettes (Virginia Slims 120's) so that I can focus on the fact that she is smoking a long white cigarette, for a longer period of time, during the entire haircut.
  
  I've asked her to be my Barberette, and it often wasn't required of her to dress up in fetish fashion (LRV - Leather, Rubber, Vinyl); but not once have we engaged in a haircut scenario where she did not smoke during the haircut. Not once. So, up to that point in time, when she proposed on 07/02/2014 to give me a haircut 32 days after she quit smoking, why would it even be conceivable that smoking while cutting my hair would not have been a required part of the "Fetish Barberette" agreement? It isn't and wasn't. That statement is nothing more than a bold face lie, in an attempt to deflect what small measure of brief guilt may have come from realizing the magnitude of how breaking her promise (that meant nothing to her) meant a whole great deal to me, and had been a source of deep hurt and rejection to me for over a year at that time (now two). Please don't insult my intelligence, and don't add the indignity of a lie on top of a broken promise.