I wish she would Hold Me For A While
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
What's that sparkle in your eyes?
Is it tears that I see?
Oh tomorrow you are gone
So tomorrow I'm alone
Short moments of time
We have left to share our love
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
We're in eachothers arms
Soon we're miles apart
Can you imagine how I'll miss,
Your touch and your kiss?
Short moments of time
We have left to share our love
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
Hold, hold me now,
From dusk all night to dawn
Save, save me now,
A short moment of time
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
Takes you away
I wish Karen were home right now, and could just hold me in her arms. I'd give anything to be able to lay my head in her lap, or against her bosom, and have her stroke my hair and hold me tight. Oh how I miss her tender touch.
I can remember when we first met, and I would need her to comfort me and hold me close. She would wrap her arms around me like an angel wrapping me in the shelter of her wings. We would sit on her bed in that dark green room at #11 2nd Street, and I would lay my head in her lap as she sat with her back against the pillows pressed up against her head board, and watch TV together while I let the worries in my mind melt away with each touch of her hand.
I miss that.
We seem like such vastly different people than we were back then. Somewhere along the line we have lost site of the simple touches, caresses, and closeness that fed a growing love for one another. That is something that I desperately want to get back. I just fear that it may be too late. I'm not sure that that level of closeness is something that Karen wants from me any more. I'm not sure that she wants ME anymore.
Just 6 short months ago, she was telling someone outside of our marriage that she wanted a divorce for Christmas. And two months later was formulating plans to ask me to leave and move her mom into our house. I have to say house, because right now I don't feel as if it is my home anymore. I've spent the past half of a year feeling like a tennant that could be evicted at any moment. Things seem to be getting better between us, and I'm doing everything that I know she wants me to do to make this relationship work (I'm not giving up without a fight, because the day I give up, and lose this fight, is the day I'm done living.), but I can't let go of the sickening feeling and fear that maybe Karen really doesn't love me anymore. She tells me that she loves me, but I can't seem to let myself fully believe it. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Maybe I'm being paranoid. I pray to God that is the case. But when you have had your heart and reality shredded by another once before in your life, the possibility of it happening again is all too real of a nightmare to ignore. Especially when the possibility of having the person who rescued you from your previous decent into the abyss is the same person who is perched to throw you back into oblivion.
I dearly love my wife, Karen. But at the moment, I also Fear her. And every missed hug, or forgotten kiss... every week that passes where we haven't made love or at least shared an intimate moment together, nags and taunts my fears that I'm losing the person that means more to me than life itself. Losing the mother of my two spotlights of joy in this world. Losing the person who used to be my best friend. Every 28 days (give or take) when Aunt Flo comes to visit, it is like a neon sign flashing "loser" because it marks yet another month gone by with no sexual passion between us, and the coming of her period closes the window of opportunity to make that month any different from the ones before it. (Karen, if you ever get the chance to read this, now you'll know one of the reasons why I track them)
I realize that I'm sitting here wallowing in self pitty right now. What else would I be doing all alone at midnight on Father's day? Karen is at work, the kids are asleep, and talking to myself in my journal is the only emotional outlet that I have available to me. Tomorrow morning, I'll pick my heart up off of the floor, and try to make that day better than the one before it. I'll try to show Karen that I'm a better person than I was yesterday, and the day before that, etc... And each night, before I go to bed, I'll pray that it's not as bad as I fear, and that it's not too late, and hope that when I reach out my arms and pucker my lips together, that Karen returns the gesture and creates a moment in time that binds us at least one small bit closer together than we were the moment before our embrace.
Maybe one day soon, I won't begin and end each day wondering if it is the last.
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
What's that sparkle in your eyes?
Is it tears that I see?
Oh tomorrow you are gone
So tomorrow I'm alone
Short moments of time
We have left to share our love
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
We're in eachothers arms
Soon we're miles apart
Can you imagine how I'll miss,
Your touch and your kiss?
Short moments of time
We have left to share our love
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
Hold, hold me now,
From dusk all night to dawn
Save, save me now,
A short moment of time
Hold, hold me for a while
I know this won't last forever
So hold, hold me tonight
Before the morning takes you away
Takes you away
I wish Karen were home right now, and could just hold me in her arms. I'd give anything to be able to lay my head in her lap, or against her bosom, and have her stroke my hair and hold me tight. Oh how I miss her tender touch.
I can remember when we first met, and I would need her to comfort me and hold me close. She would wrap her arms around me like an angel wrapping me in the shelter of her wings. We would sit on her bed in that dark green room at #11 2nd Street, and I would lay my head in her lap as she sat with her back against the pillows pressed up against her head board, and watch TV together while I let the worries in my mind melt away with each touch of her hand.
I miss that.
We seem like such vastly different people than we were back then. Somewhere along the line we have lost site of the simple touches, caresses, and closeness that fed a growing love for one another. That is something that I desperately want to get back. I just fear that it may be too late. I'm not sure that that level of closeness is something that Karen wants from me any more. I'm not sure that she wants ME anymore.
Just 6 short months ago, she was telling someone outside of our marriage that she wanted a divorce for Christmas. And two months later was formulating plans to ask me to leave and move her mom into our house. I have to say house, because right now I don't feel as if it is my home anymore. I've spent the past half of a year feeling like a tennant that could be evicted at any moment. Things seem to be getting better between us, and I'm doing everything that I know she wants me to do to make this relationship work (I'm not giving up without a fight, because the day I give up, and lose this fight, is the day I'm done living.), but I can't let go of the sickening feeling and fear that maybe Karen really doesn't love me anymore. She tells me that she loves me, but I can't seem to let myself fully believe it. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Maybe I'm being paranoid. I pray to God that is the case. But when you have had your heart and reality shredded by another once before in your life, the possibility of it happening again is all too real of a nightmare to ignore. Especially when the possibility of having the person who rescued you from your previous decent into the abyss is the same person who is perched to throw you back into oblivion.
I dearly love my wife, Karen. But at the moment, I also Fear her. And every missed hug, or forgotten kiss... every week that passes where we haven't made love or at least shared an intimate moment together, nags and taunts my fears that I'm losing the person that means more to me than life itself. Losing the mother of my two spotlights of joy in this world. Losing the person who used to be my best friend. Every 28 days (give or take) when Aunt Flo comes to visit, it is like a neon sign flashing "loser" because it marks yet another month gone by with no sexual passion between us, and the coming of her period closes the window of opportunity to make that month any different from the ones before it. (Karen, if you ever get the chance to read this, now you'll know one of the reasons why I track them)
I realize that I'm sitting here wallowing in self pitty right now. What else would I be doing all alone at midnight on Father's day? Karen is at work, the kids are asleep, and talking to myself in my journal is the only emotional outlet that I have available to me. Tomorrow morning, I'll pick my heart up off of the floor, and try to make that day better than the one before it. I'll try to show Karen that I'm a better person than I was yesterday, and the day before that, etc... And each night, before I go to bed, I'll pray that it's not as bad as I fear, and that it's not too late, and hope that when I reach out my arms and pucker my lips together, that Karen returns the gesture and creates a moment in time that binds us at least one small bit closer together than we were the moment before our embrace.
Maybe one day soon, I won't begin and end each day wondering if it is the last.