Just another crappy Monday, and I have a headache.
Today has started of really rough. I have a headache that nearly had my vision blacking out from the brightness of the sun while driving to work this morning; and it has only slighly let up since taking several Advil and chasing it down with both a 'Monster' energy drink, and half of a Mountain Dew AMP energy drink. I figure that I'm hyped up on enough caffeine at the moment to numb a horse; and yet I still feel like a wet paper bag trying to hold the weight of a rattling bowling ball inside of my skull.
I'm sure that a portion of it is allergy related, and maybe a combination of dust and the outside mold count; but I also figure that a part of it is due to my body experiencing lithium withdrawal.
We paid all of our July and August household bills on Friday (which means we have no utility, house, or monthly bills to pay until September - HOORAY! ), and I went ahead and made my online payments to my credit card, Dell, and student loan accounts; but I didn't factor in the fact that we would be spending $222.61 out of my account for store items, and going out over the weekend. So..., the money that I had set aside to buy my prescription refills, that I needed this weekend, just isn't there anymore. I ran out of lithium on Thursday night, and unless I use my credit card to pay for my refills, or ask Karen for money from her account, I'll have to wait until the 15th to get that refilled.
At this point, I have a couple of options available to me.
Cancel one or more of my online payments (I'm actually one payday ahead on Dell and the credit card), before they process through, and use the money from my account.
Use my credit card to pay for the refills. (which I hate to do, in case I need that cushion for repair and registration needs for my car - my plates are due by the end of the month.)
Refill only the lithium at this time, since I have extra lamictal and risperdal left over from having those dosages cut since my last three month refil was processed.
In the long run, this is really no big crisis, and I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. In the immediate term, though, I have gone 4 days without addidng any lithium (1500 mg/day) to my system, and it is starting to have a noticeable affect on me. Physiologically and mentally.
One thing that really bothers me, is that the changes I have seen as a result of missed med dosages haven't been limited to the usual slow swing towards a hypomanic or depressed phase; as has been common for the past 8+ years of dealing with this disorder. Instead, missed doses of my meds seem to cause a series of rapid fire panic attacks with sharp spikes in manic-aggressive behavior attached to them. I find myself either wanting to curl up into a tight ball and hide away from the world around me (forcing myself to "sleep it off" works well to combat this side effect), or wanting to rip the head off of any living being around me that breathes the wrong way. Both situations are quite frightening for me.
I've mentioned this to Dr. Malik, but the only option currently available to me is to take an additional anti-psychotic or panic management drug along with my current list of medications. The effect of either will be to feel drugged and sedated. I fail to see where that is a benefit to me. I can crawl into bed and force myself to sleep it off pretty well as it is already; all I need is a dose or two of Benadryl. But that doesn't help me push through these episodes and be any more interactive with my family. I need to find out what is different lately, and what could possibly be triggering this different response; especially since the symptoms have begun to manifest even in times when I have not missed any medication doses.
I'm sure that a portion of it is allergy related, and maybe a combination of dust and the outside mold count; but I also figure that a part of it is due to my body experiencing lithium withdrawal.
We paid all of our July and August household bills on Friday (which means we have no utility, house, or monthly bills to pay until September - HOORAY! ), and I went ahead and made my online payments to my credit card, Dell, and student loan accounts; but I didn't factor in the fact that we would be spending $222.61 out of my account for store items, and going out over the weekend. So..., the money that I had set aside to buy my prescription refills, that I needed this weekend, just isn't there anymore. I ran out of lithium on Thursday night, and unless I use my credit card to pay for my refills, or ask Karen for money from her account, I'll have to wait until the 15th to get that refilled.
At this point, I have a couple of options available to me.
In the long run, this is really no big crisis, and I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. In the immediate term, though, I have gone 4 days without addidng any lithium (1500 mg/day) to my system, and it is starting to have a noticeable affect on me. Physiologically and mentally.
One thing that really bothers me, is that the changes I have seen as a result of missed med dosages haven't been limited to the usual slow swing towards a hypomanic or depressed phase; as has been common for the past 8+ years of dealing with this disorder. Instead, missed doses of my meds seem to cause a series of rapid fire panic attacks with sharp spikes in manic-aggressive behavior attached to them. I find myself either wanting to curl up into a tight ball and hide away from the world around me (forcing myself to "sleep it off" works well to combat this side effect), or wanting to rip the head off of any living being around me that breathes the wrong way. Both situations are quite frightening for me.
I've mentioned this to Dr. Malik, but the only option currently available to me is to take an additional anti-psychotic or panic management drug along with my current list of medications. The effect of either will be to feel drugged and sedated. I fail to see where that is a benefit to me. I can crawl into bed and force myself to sleep it off pretty well as it is already; all I need is a dose or two of Benadryl. But that doesn't help me push through these episodes and be any more interactive with my family. I need to find out what is different lately, and what could possibly be triggering this different response; especially since the symptoms have begun to manifest even in times when I have not missed any medication doses.