"What do you want, Arthur?" - Merlin/Arthur
Title: What do you want, Arthur?
Author:
digthewriter
Rating: R
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings: Sexual content.
Word Count: 1060
Prompt: "Anxiety" for ANGST MONTH on camelot_drabble
Author's Notes: Part 9 of the "A Secret Admirer?" Story. Unbetaed. Angst. Angst. Angst. YO.
Summary: Arthur is still confused after having sex with Merlin.
"How do you want me?" Merlin whispered, his hot breath coaxing Arthur's lips, as Arthur pressed himself against Merlin; his erection straining against his trousers. He'd just finished sucking Merlin, who had come so beautifully on Arthur's tongue.
"You don't have to-" Arthur had begun to say when Merlin kissed him.
"Shut up. You just made me… shit, that was so good. Better than I'd imagined it'd be with you… I have to…" Merlin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I've to return the favour. Feel you. Maybe even taste you."
Arthur loved the anxious tone in Merlin's voice. Loved that Merlin wanted him so badly. It'd been such a long time since he'd felt this desire, the feeling of being desired that… Shit, I can't be falling for him. Not like this. Not now.
"What's the matter?" Merlin asked, looking worried. "Where did you just go?"
"No. Sorry. I just...sorry."
"Do you regret it?" Merlin asked, his hand resting against Arthur's erection; he wasn't pushing against it, but as though he was just making certain Arthur was still hard for him.
"Of course, not. I pursued you. Without any shame…" Arthur laughed. "I don't regret it."
"But…"
"How do you know there's a but?"
"It's written all over your face," Merlin said.
"It's my fault. I rushed into this."
"You rushed into it," Merlin repeated dryly.
"I told you I wanted to be friends, but then I wanted to have you. I guess I see now…" Shit, not the right thing to say, Arthur.
"I should go," Merlin said, trying to push past Arthur when Arthur stopped him. Still, Merlin bent down and pulled his jeans up. He looked ready to flee.
"No. Please don't. Don't run away every time I doubt myself. I-" Something inside Arthur shook then. How could he have not seen this? How could he allow himself to be vulnerable again.
Merlin was staring at him. Arthur wasn't sure if he was cross or he was trying to read Arthur's expressions. "What?" he asked, softly.
"Maybe it isn't I won't trust other people. Maybe I shouldn't trust myself," Arthur said.
"What do you mean?"
"One sign of trouble, and everyone just starts to abandon me," Arthur said. "Never mind, you won't-"
"I wasn't trying to abandon you, Arthur. You all but made it clear you sucked me off and now you're done with me."
"That's not-" Shit.
"What do you see?" Merlin asked. "You just said you see now… What is it?"
"Tonight, Gwen told me I should try staying single for a while. I think I understand why now. I've got issues. It's not I don't want you… you have to know that I do. I don't just bring men over to my flat and have a one-off. I want to see you. Be friends…and more."
"And more," Merlin said, sounding unimpressed.
"I'm doing this all wrong."
"I'll say," replied Merlin.
"Let me get you that drink," Arthur said, pulling away. He took three steps toward the kitchen. "We'll talk. Maybe I can redeem myself-"
"You don't want…" Merlin said, sounding uncertain. He glanced down at Arthur's groin before meeting his eyes again. His ears immediately turned red.
"I would say I don't think I deserve your touch," Arthur replied. "Not the way I've been acting. Not by how confused I'm being, and I don't want to end up hurting you…"
"It's all kinds of fucked up that I still want to," Merlin said, but he didn't make a move. He continued to stare at Arthur from a distance, and Arthur shuddered under Merlin's heated gaze.
It would be so easy to give into you, Arthur thought. It'd be so easy to let you make me feel good.
"But you're right," Merlin said, when Arthur hadn't replied. "You don't deserve it."
And if that didn't sting Arthur to his core.
"Right. Gin? Vodka?"
Merlin laughed. "Whatever's easy for you."
Arthur nodded and turned to the bar setup in the kitchen. He quickly concocted two whiskey sours and returned to the sitting room to find Merlin staring down at the box of Owen's stuff Arthur had packed up.
Great, just what I needed right now.
They stood awkwardly in silence for a few long minutes while Merlin sipped his drink and Arthur looked everywhere else but at Merlin. God, this anxiety was going to kill him, he thought.
"I am so sorry," he said, finally. "I didn't think…I thought I was getting well past my issues…"
"Yeah…" Merlin said quietly. "I obviously jumped the gun. I shouldn't have come after you; should've just gone home."
"No." Arthur took a step towards Merlin, and much to Arthur's surprise, Merlin took a step back. "I can't get anything right." And with you, I desperately want to try.
"Well, you make a mean drink," Merlin said, finishing the last of his whiskey. Arthur hoped he wouldn't leave now. Not right away after having a strong drink. "If your plan was to keep me here for a while, I reckon, you managed to do that right."
"Do you want to relax? Maybe I can put in a film…or we can talk."
Merlin kept quiet for a few long moments, in which Arthur had forgot to breathe, and eventually nodded. "Fine," he all but whispered.
They sat on the sofa, Merlin obvious to keep his distance from Arthur as Arthur turned on Netflix, and handed the remote control to Merlin. "You can pick," he said. He watched as Merlin went through the list of comedies and put on an old black and white film.
"Are you really going to sit that far away?" Arthur asked, hoping Merlin would edge closer, or that he would have the courage to get closer to Merlin.
Merlin only glared at him.
"Okay, fine. We'll watch a film," Arthur said.
"What the fuck do you actually want from me?" Merlin said after ten minute of silence.
Arthur had had his eyes glued to the telly but had no idea what was even on.
"I told you…"
"Right," Merlin said sharply. "You want to be my friend. But you try to pull me. In the car, and then in your flat - you and me - fuck we had sex- fuck-"
"I'm sorry," said Arthur.
"Yeah, that's sort of getting old, Arthur."
This entry was originally posted at https://digthewriter.dreamwidth.org/533178.html. Please comment anywhere you'd like. Thanks for reading
Author:
digthewriter
Rating: R
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings: Sexual content.
Word Count: 1060
Prompt: "Anxiety" for ANGST MONTH on camelot_drabble
Author's Notes: Part 9 of the "A Secret Admirer?" Story. Unbetaed. Angst. Angst. Angst. YO.
Summary: Arthur is still confused after having sex with Merlin.
"How do you want me?" Merlin whispered, his hot breath coaxing Arthur's lips, as Arthur pressed himself against Merlin; his erection straining against his trousers. He'd just finished sucking Merlin, who had come so beautifully on Arthur's tongue.
"You don't have to-" Arthur had begun to say when Merlin kissed him.
"Shut up. You just made me… shit, that was so good. Better than I'd imagined it'd be with you… I have to…" Merlin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I've to return the favour. Feel you. Maybe even taste you."
Arthur loved the anxious tone in Merlin's voice. Loved that Merlin wanted him so badly. It'd been such a long time since he'd felt this desire, the feeling of being desired that… Shit, I can't be falling for him. Not like this. Not now.
"What's the matter?" Merlin asked, looking worried. "Where did you just go?"
"No. Sorry. I just...sorry."
"Do you regret it?" Merlin asked, his hand resting against Arthur's erection; he wasn't pushing against it, but as though he was just making certain Arthur was still hard for him.
"Of course, not. I pursued you. Without any shame…" Arthur laughed. "I don't regret it."
"But…"
"How do you know there's a but?"
"It's written all over your face," Merlin said.
"It's my fault. I rushed into this."
"You rushed into it," Merlin repeated dryly.
"I told you I wanted to be friends, but then I wanted to have you. I guess I see now…" Shit, not the right thing to say, Arthur.
"I should go," Merlin said, trying to push past Arthur when Arthur stopped him. Still, Merlin bent down and pulled his jeans up. He looked ready to flee.
"No. Please don't. Don't run away every time I doubt myself. I-" Something inside Arthur shook then. How could he have not seen this? How could he allow himself to be vulnerable again.
Merlin was staring at him. Arthur wasn't sure if he was cross or he was trying to read Arthur's expressions. "What?" he asked, softly.
"Maybe it isn't I won't trust other people. Maybe I shouldn't trust myself," Arthur said.
"What do you mean?"
"One sign of trouble, and everyone just starts to abandon me," Arthur said. "Never mind, you won't-"
"I wasn't trying to abandon you, Arthur. You all but made it clear you sucked me off and now you're done with me."
"That's not-" Shit.
"What do you see?" Merlin asked. "You just said you see now… What is it?"
"Tonight, Gwen told me I should try staying single for a while. I think I understand why now. I've got issues. It's not I don't want you… you have to know that I do. I don't just bring men over to my flat and have a one-off. I want to see you. Be friends…and more."
"And more," Merlin said, sounding unimpressed.
"I'm doing this all wrong."
"I'll say," replied Merlin.
"Let me get you that drink," Arthur said, pulling away. He took three steps toward the kitchen. "We'll talk. Maybe I can redeem myself-"
"You don't want…" Merlin said, sounding uncertain. He glanced down at Arthur's groin before meeting his eyes again. His ears immediately turned red.
"I would say I don't think I deserve your touch," Arthur replied. "Not the way I've been acting. Not by how confused I'm being, and I don't want to end up hurting you…"
"It's all kinds of fucked up that I still want to," Merlin said, but he didn't make a move. He continued to stare at Arthur from a distance, and Arthur shuddered under Merlin's heated gaze.
It would be so easy to give into you, Arthur thought. It'd be so easy to let you make me feel good.
"But you're right," Merlin said, when Arthur hadn't replied. "You don't deserve it."
And if that didn't sting Arthur to his core.
"Right. Gin? Vodka?"
Merlin laughed. "Whatever's easy for you."
Arthur nodded and turned to the bar setup in the kitchen. He quickly concocted two whiskey sours and returned to the sitting room to find Merlin staring down at the box of Owen's stuff Arthur had packed up.
Great, just what I needed right now.
They stood awkwardly in silence for a few long minutes while Merlin sipped his drink and Arthur looked everywhere else but at Merlin. God, this anxiety was going to kill him, he thought.
"I am so sorry," he said, finally. "I didn't think…I thought I was getting well past my issues…"
"Yeah…" Merlin said quietly. "I obviously jumped the gun. I shouldn't have come after you; should've just gone home."
"No." Arthur took a step towards Merlin, and much to Arthur's surprise, Merlin took a step back. "I can't get anything right." And with you, I desperately want to try.
"Well, you make a mean drink," Merlin said, finishing the last of his whiskey. Arthur hoped he wouldn't leave now. Not right away after having a strong drink. "If your plan was to keep me here for a while, I reckon, you managed to do that right."
"Do you want to relax? Maybe I can put in a film…or we can talk."
Merlin kept quiet for a few long moments, in which Arthur had forgot to breathe, and eventually nodded. "Fine," he all but whispered.
They sat on the sofa, Merlin obvious to keep his distance from Arthur as Arthur turned on Netflix, and handed the remote control to Merlin. "You can pick," he said. He watched as Merlin went through the list of comedies and put on an old black and white film.
"Are you really going to sit that far away?" Arthur asked, hoping Merlin would edge closer, or that he would have the courage to get closer to Merlin.
Merlin only glared at him.
"Okay, fine. We'll watch a film," Arthur said.
"What the fuck do you actually want from me?" Merlin said after ten minute of silence.
Arthur had had his eyes glued to the telly but had no idea what was even on.
"I told you…"
"Right," Merlin said sharply. "You want to be my friend. But you try to pull me. In the car, and then in your flat - you and me - fuck we had sex- fuck-"
"I'm sorry," said Arthur.
"Yeah, that's sort of getting old, Arthur."
This entry was originally posted at https://digthewriter.dreamwidth.org/533178.html. Please comment anywhere you'd like. Thanks for reading