Confessing Again - Merlin/Arthur
Title: Confessing Again
Author: digthewriter
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur, Will
Warnings: MODERN!AU, angst
Word Count: 1190
Prompt: "Compromise" for camelot_drabble
Author's Notes: Chapter 9 of the "last chance" series. Read from CHAPTER ONE; or CHAPTER 8. [Catch up on ao3 instead]
Summary: Arthur tells Merlin again about how he feels.
"What was he offering?" Merlin asked quietly.
"A compromise," Arthur said calmly, and gestured towards the door. Merlin nodded and turned around towards the exit.
When they were outside, Arthur turned to ask Merlin if he wanted to get back to the hotel or go somewhere else, but he didn't get the chance.
"A compromise for what?" Merlin asked.
"Why don't any of your co-workers know you're gay?"
Merlin shrugged. "It didn't come up. I'm not here to find someone to fuck. I'm here for work."
Arthur nearly cringed at Merlin's words as it was no doubt a jab at how Todd was so friendly with him tonight. "Is that why you were keeping your distance from me tonight? That people would think that I was here for- for more than being friends?"
"I wasn't-"
"You were," Arthur said. "You ignored me all night and Todd had no idea that you and I are..." He paused for a brief moment. "Something. He wanted to take me home..."
"So why didn't you go with him?"
"You know why, Merlin."
Merlin scowled as if he was looking for some hurtful words but was falling short. "I-"
Arthur walked up close to Merlin, really really close, and wrapped his arm around Merlin's waist. He whispered in Merlin's ear, as if this were a secret, and he really needed Merlin to know. "I'm in love with you, Merlin. I'm here for you. If you won't have me, then I'll leave. I'm not here to shag another man, or talk to another man, or even look at another man. I'm here for you. If you don't want this then you can tell me and I'll get on a flight tomorrow and go back to Camelot and try to move on with my life. But, I'm not here for a consolation prize."
They stood there like that, all quiet, and close, and warm and it was beautiful, Arthur thought. It felt so good to hold Merlin in his arms like that, to feel his body heat against Arthur's. To feel his warm breath against Arthur's neck.
What he wouldn't do to just reach down, brush that hair off Merlin's forehead and then kiss him on his temple. Tell him, I've got you, Merlin. You don't have to worry about anything anymore.
"I can't trust you," Merlin said in such a matter-of-fact way that it crushed Arthur to pieces.
He thought about pulling away from Merlin. To look him in the eyes and try to convince him. To keep him. Instead, Arthur rested his head against Merlin's and slightly nodded. "I know. I don't blame you-"
"But I also think that letting you go will be a huge mistake," Merlin said, sounding like he was rushing the words in before Arthur had said something he couldn't take back.
"You can take all the time in the world to decide, Merlin," Arthur said softly. "Keep me at a distance for as long as you feel comfortable, put me through any hoops testing me-"
Merlin pulled back to look at Arthur. "You know I'm not like that," he said, sounding annoyed. "Don't you?"
Arthur gave him another smile. "I know. That's why I love you-"
"Stop saying that," Merlin said, annoyed still.
"Why? It's the truth."
"It's been three years."
Arthur chuckled slightly and pulled Merlin closer. His lips brushed against Merlin's hair as he whispered the words. "I knew it was a huge mistake in letting you go, and I've been paying for it. Just because you stopped loving me in the three years we were apart-"
"I didn't say that," Merlin said and freed himself of Arthur's embrace. He took a step back as if he'd realised what he'd been doing, leaning on Arthur, and thought better of it. Surely, someone from the pub could look out and see the two of them talking like that. Maybe Merlin didn't want to give the wrong impression to his co-workers.
"We should head back," Merlin said and turned away from Arthur. He started to walk towards the hotel and Arthur quickly picked up his pace to catch up with Merlin.
"You didn't say what?" Arthur asked a few moments later, when they'd nearly reached the front doors of the hotel.
"That I'd stopped loved you," Merlin said, exasperated. "That's the bloody problem."
Arthur bit his lip until they walked through the lobby, and entered the lifts. As soon as Merlin pressed the button for their floor, Arthur let out his breath. "Will..." he began.
"Will just doesn't want to be the one putting the pieces together, again. If and when the encore version of our fucking relationship went south," Merlin snapped.
"It won't," Arthur said calmly. He was slightly buzzed from the evening at the pub but now realised that Merlin was a lot more intoxicated than he was. He'd been short with Arthur since they'd started talking, and he only did that when he was drunk and frustrated with him.
"How can you know?"
"Everything worth having is worth fighting for," he said and Merlin gave Arthur another annoyed look. Arthur smiled at Merlin and remained calm. He knew that was driving Merlin wild. "Doing the right thing is easy."
"And what's the right thing?"
"Loving you," Arthur said and he opened the door to their shared suite.
"Stop saying that," Merlin said and headed towards the cupboard where he kept his clothes.
Arthur removed his sweater and threw it on his bag. "It's the truth." He went to the small fridge and took out a bottle of water to hand it to Merlin.
Merlin scowled at him but too the water and drank it in one go. He handed the empty bottle back to Arthur with a "thanks," and started to undress.
Since they'd started to sort of live together in this hotel suite, Arthur had made it a point to give Merlin his privacy. He either looked away, looked busy, or left the room when Merlin would be getting dressed. He did his best to be respectful so that Merlin wouldn't have to ask him to do it or show his discomfort.
"Arthur..." Merlin called out when Arthur started to leave the room with his things and change in the bathroom.
"Yeah?" Arthur asked, turning around and saw Merlin standing there with just his pyjama trousers. He was just as flawless as Arthur had remembered, he'd filled-in in a few places where Arthur had thought that he was too skinny, and his shoulders were somehow stronger, as if he'd worked out. Immediately, Arthur was self-conscious since he'd rather let himself go over the past few years. At first, drinking a lot because of not being able to be with Merlin, then, working on getting his company off the ground. Concentrating on himself and his body had been the last thing on his mind. What if Merlin didn't find him attractive, anymore?
He knew he was staring, but he couldn't help himself. Merlin was a tall drink of water, and Arthur was taking in his fill. This might have been his only chance.
"Come to bed," Merlin said, delicately. NEXT PART: SLEEP
Author: digthewriter
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur, Will
Warnings: MODERN!AU, angst
Word Count: 1190
Prompt: "Compromise" for camelot_drabble
Author's Notes: Chapter 9 of the "last chance" series. Read from CHAPTER ONE; or CHAPTER 8. [Catch up on ao3 instead]
Summary: Arthur tells Merlin again about how he feels.
"What was he offering?" Merlin asked quietly.
"A compromise," Arthur said calmly, and gestured towards the door. Merlin nodded and turned around towards the exit.
When they were outside, Arthur turned to ask Merlin if he wanted to get back to the hotel or go somewhere else, but he didn't get the chance.
"A compromise for what?" Merlin asked.
"Why don't any of your co-workers know you're gay?"
Merlin shrugged. "It didn't come up. I'm not here to find someone to fuck. I'm here for work."
Arthur nearly cringed at Merlin's words as it was no doubt a jab at how Todd was so friendly with him tonight. "Is that why you were keeping your distance from me tonight? That people would think that I was here for- for more than being friends?"
"I wasn't-"
"You were," Arthur said. "You ignored me all night and Todd had no idea that you and I are..." He paused for a brief moment. "Something. He wanted to take me home..."
"So why didn't you go with him?"
"You know why, Merlin."
Merlin scowled as if he was looking for some hurtful words but was falling short. "I-"
Arthur walked up close to Merlin, really really close, and wrapped his arm around Merlin's waist. He whispered in Merlin's ear, as if this were a secret, and he really needed Merlin to know. "I'm in love with you, Merlin. I'm here for you. If you won't have me, then I'll leave. I'm not here to shag another man, or talk to another man, or even look at another man. I'm here for you. If you don't want this then you can tell me and I'll get on a flight tomorrow and go back to Camelot and try to move on with my life. But, I'm not here for a consolation prize."
They stood there like that, all quiet, and close, and warm and it was beautiful, Arthur thought. It felt so good to hold Merlin in his arms like that, to feel his body heat against Arthur's. To feel his warm breath against Arthur's neck.
What he wouldn't do to just reach down, brush that hair off Merlin's forehead and then kiss him on his temple. Tell him, I've got you, Merlin. You don't have to worry about anything anymore.
"I can't trust you," Merlin said in such a matter-of-fact way that it crushed Arthur to pieces.
He thought about pulling away from Merlin. To look him in the eyes and try to convince him. To keep him. Instead, Arthur rested his head against Merlin's and slightly nodded. "I know. I don't blame you-"
"But I also think that letting you go will be a huge mistake," Merlin said, sounding like he was rushing the words in before Arthur had said something he couldn't take back.
"You can take all the time in the world to decide, Merlin," Arthur said softly. "Keep me at a distance for as long as you feel comfortable, put me through any hoops testing me-"
Merlin pulled back to look at Arthur. "You know I'm not like that," he said, sounding annoyed. "Don't you?"
Arthur gave him another smile. "I know. That's why I love you-"
"Stop saying that," Merlin said, annoyed still.
"Why? It's the truth."
"It's been three years."
Arthur chuckled slightly and pulled Merlin closer. His lips brushed against Merlin's hair as he whispered the words. "I knew it was a huge mistake in letting you go, and I've been paying for it. Just because you stopped loving me in the three years we were apart-"
"I didn't say that," Merlin said and freed himself of Arthur's embrace. He took a step back as if he'd realised what he'd been doing, leaning on Arthur, and thought better of it. Surely, someone from the pub could look out and see the two of them talking like that. Maybe Merlin didn't want to give the wrong impression to his co-workers.
"We should head back," Merlin said and turned away from Arthur. He started to walk towards the hotel and Arthur quickly picked up his pace to catch up with Merlin.
"You didn't say what?" Arthur asked a few moments later, when they'd nearly reached the front doors of the hotel.
"That I'd stopped loved you," Merlin said, exasperated. "That's the bloody problem."
Arthur bit his lip until they walked through the lobby, and entered the lifts. As soon as Merlin pressed the button for their floor, Arthur let out his breath. "Will..." he began.
"Will just doesn't want to be the one putting the pieces together, again. If and when the encore version of our fucking relationship went south," Merlin snapped.
"It won't," Arthur said calmly. He was slightly buzzed from the evening at the pub but now realised that Merlin was a lot more intoxicated than he was. He'd been short with Arthur since they'd started talking, and he only did that when he was drunk and frustrated with him.
"How can you know?"
"Everything worth having is worth fighting for," he said and Merlin gave Arthur another annoyed look. Arthur smiled at Merlin and remained calm. He knew that was driving Merlin wild. "Doing the right thing is easy."
"And what's the right thing?"
"Loving you," Arthur said and he opened the door to their shared suite.
"Stop saying that," Merlin said and headed towards the cupboard where he kept his clothes.
Arthur removed his sweater and threw it on his bag. "It's the truth." He went to the small fridge and took out a bottle of water to hand it to Merlin.
Merlin scowled at him but too the water and drank it in one go. He handed the empty bottle back to Arthur with a "thanks," and started to undress.
Since they'd started to sort of live together in this hotel suite, Arthur had made it a point to give Merlin his privacy. He either looked away, looked busy, or left the room when Merlin would be getting dressed. He did his best to be respectful so that Merlin wouldn't have to ask him to do it or show his discomfort.
"Arthur..." Merlin called out when Arthur started to leave the room with his things and change in the bathroom.
"Yeah?" Arthur asked, turning around and saw Merlin standing there with just his pyjama trousers. He was just as flawless as Arthur had remembered, he'd filled-in in a few places where Arthur had thought that he was too skinny, and his shoulders were somehow stronger, as if he'd worked out. Immediately, Arthur was self-conscious since he'd rather let himself go over the past few years. At first, drinking a lot because of not being able to be with Merlin, then, working on getting his company off the ground. Concentrating on himself and his body had been the last thing on his mind. What if Merlin didn't find him attractive, anymore?
He knew he was staring, but he couldn't help himself. Merlin was a tall drink of water, and Arthur was taking in his fill. This might have been his only chance.
"Come to bed," Merlin said, delicately. NEXT PART: SLEEP