(no subject)
It's been a really long time since I've written in here, but I think I'm going to give blogging another try.
I'm sitting here in the living room, with no sound except Brandon sleeping on the couch (he's a noisy breather when he sleeps, but at least he's not snoring this time), trying to ignore the fact that after two weeks I have no idea when I'll be able to see him again. I know I need to do this, I need go home and save up some money instead of collecting student loans to pay for room and board. But I don't want to leave.
I'm also not too crazy about living at home again. It won't be difficult- as long as I pretend to be who they like to think I am, they won't look at what they don't want to see. But I get tired of the lie. I just don't understand why I can't be who I am without the weight of their judgment. But at this point, pretending is much easier then the alternative. I just don't need that kind of negative pressure- the upcoming months will be hard enough.
It will be good to see everyone again though. Pennsylvania is so much prettier than Texas (except for when the blue bonnets are in bloom), and some time apart will be good for Brandon and I. I just wish there wasn't going to be quite so much of it.
I guess that's enough moping for today. I'm aware that things aren't anywhere near as bad as they seem, I'm just in a melancholy mood.
I'm sitting here in the living room, with no sound except Brandon sleeping on the couch (he's a noisy breather when he sleeps, but at least he's not snoring this time), trying to ignore the fact that after two weeks I have no idea when I'll be able to see him again. I know I need to do this, I need go home and save up some money instead of collecting student loans to pay for room and board. But I don't want to leave.
I'm also not too crazy about living at home again. It won't be difficult- as long as I pretend to be who they like to think I am, they won't look at what they don't want to see. But I get tired of the lie. I just don't understand why I can't be who I am without the weight of their judgment. But at this point, pretending is much easier then the alternative. I just don't need that kind of negative pressure- the upcoming months will be hard enough.
It will be good to see everyone again though. Pennsylvania is so much prettier than Texas (except for when the blue bonnets are in bloom), and some time apart will be good for Brandon and I. I just wish there wasn't going to be quite so much of it.
I guess that's enough moping for today. I'm aware that things aren't anywhere near as bad as they seem, I'm just in a melancholy mood.