oh livejournal, how i've neglected you.
The following are my thoughts and feelings about certain spiritual realizations in the past several months. If you want to know what's at my core, please continue to read.
I am more blessed than I could ever have asked for. The things that simply come my way, my family, friends, schooling, relationships, everything- there is not one aspect of my life that hasn't been touched by God, and I sincerely believe that it is because I have people like my Oma and my Mom and Mrs. Cooper and others who have been praying over me since my mom found out about me. I've gone through sucky things, but even all those sucky things have turned into amazing blessings that have either taught me something, given me life experience, or some other non-material blessing. I was talking to Liz and Jess the other day about how cool it would be if we could see the behind-the-scenes God version of what happens. For example, I get in my car and I am going 35 mph instead of 32, so I hit a red light, and because of that the semi driver who was tuning his radio and swerved because he's not paying attention didn't hit me. When i think about all the precarious situations that I have put myself in: all the times i could have been arrested for the countless illegal things i've done, raped, hit by a car, hit by a train, beaten up, ALL those things could have easily taken place when I wasn't even doing what I know Jesus wants for me, He still protected me. And I sincerely thank my mother, my father, my grandparents, Mrs. Cooper, and everyone else who has been wearing the carpeting by their bed thin by digging their knees into it. I know that there's not a day that passes where these people haven't given up a portion of it just praying for stupid me. Out of 6 billion people in the world, and they pray for me. And this amazing God, our amazing Father who loves us and offers us SUCH a peace and joy in him, loves me and takes care of me day in and day out. I think that for a long time I thought that God was based on a feeling: I didn't know why sometimes i wasn't happy because, after all, I should be because I love Jesus. Not. There's such a difference between inner joy and happiness, and I'm FINALLY comming to realize it. I'm comming to realize that there is this amazing God who will allow me to go through hardships, but it is still a blessing to even go through those, because if through those hardships i can exude the love that he's shown me, what an awesome thing THAT would be! how amazing! If something WERE to happen to me, I know that it would be exactly what God wants, and in that way, it would STILL BE A BLESSING! It's such an amazing design that Jesus has laid out for us. I know that i've had a really crappy attitude in the past, and I want to apologize to everyone who reads this if i haven't showed you the type of love that everyone on this planet deserves. If i haven't given you the time of day, if i've talked badly about you, if i've been rude or ANYTHING that i have done that hasn't been in character with what Jesus has laid out for me- i am really sorry. I know I have several athiest friends that might read this, and I know you guys think I'm off my rocker :o) That's fine, but still accept my apology. I know that God's grace is sufficient for me and that my faith is "not by works, so that no one can boast". It's not about being a better person, period. It's about wanting to be the person that God designed me to be. I know that faith without works is dead, and i don't want to confuse anyone anymore by doing stupid things then telling them i'm going to bible study. I know i'll never get it completely right, and I am so greatful for God's grace and mercy. My past isn't too spotless, i know, and if it affected you, i am sorry. I still have a loooonnngg way to go, but i want you to know that I love all you guys, and i'm going to try to show it more.
Praise God!
Thanks for listening.
What an update, eh?
I am more blessed than I could ever have asked for. The things that simply come my way, my family, friends, schooling, relationships, everything- there is not one aspect of my life that hasn't been touched by God, and I sincerely believe that it is because I have people like my Oma and my Mom and Mrs. Cooper and others who have been praying over me since my mom found out about me. I've gone through sucky things, but even all those sucky things have turned into amazing blessings that have either taught me something, given me life experience, or some other non-material blessing. I was talking to Liz and Jess the other day about how cool it would be if we could see the behind-the-scenes God version of what happens. For example, I get in my car and I am going 35 mph instead of 32, so I hit a red light, and because of that the semi driver who was tuning his radio and swerved because he's not paying attention didn't hit me. When i think about all the precarious situations that I have put myself in: all the times i could have been arrested for the countless illegal things i've done, raped, hit by a car, hit by a train, beaten up, ALL those things could have easily taken place when I wasn't even doing what I know Jesus wants for me, He still protected me. And I sincerely thank my mother, my father, my grandparents, Mrs. Cooper, and everyone else who has been wearing the carpeting by their bed thin by digging their knees into it. I know that there's not a day that passes where these people haven't given up a portion of it just praying for stupid me. Out of 6 billion people in the world, and they pray for me. And this amazing God, our amazing Father who loves us and offers us SUCH a peace and joy in him, loves me and takes care of me day in and day out. I think that for a long time I thought that God was based on a feeling: I didn't know why sometimes i wasn't happy because, after all, I should be because I love Jesus. Not. There's such a difference between inner joy and happiness, and I'm FINALLY comming to realize it. I'm comming to realize that there is this amazing God who will allow me to go through hardships, but it is still a blessing to even go through those, because if through those hardships i can exude the love that he's shown me, what an awesome thing THAT would be! how amazing! If something WERE to happen to me, I know that it would be exactly what God wants, and in that way, it would STILL BE A BLESSING! It's such an amazing design that Jesus has laid out for us. I know that i've had a really crappy attitude in the past, and I want to apologize to everyone who reads this if i haven't showed you the type of love that everyone on this planet deserves. If i haven't given you the time of day, if i've talked badly about you, if i've been rude or ANYTHING that i have done that hasn't been in character with what Jesus has laid out for me- i am really sorry. I know I have several athiest friends that might read this, and I know you guys think I'm off my rocker :o) That's fine, but still accept my apology. I know that God's grace is sufficient for me and that my faith is "not by works, so that no one can boast". It's not about being a better person, period. It's about wanting to be the person that God designed me to be. I know that faith without works is dead, and i don't want to confuse anyone anymore by doing stupid things then telling them i'm going to bible study. I know i'll never get it completely right, and I am so greatful for God's grace and mercy. My past isn't too spotless, i know, and if it affected you, i am sorry. I still have a loooonnngg way to go, but i want you to know that I love all you guys, and i'm going to try to show it more.
Praise God!
Thanks for listening.
What an update, eh?