Jo's No Good, Very Bad Year 4/7
Neither of them could have guessed that one night would be such a mistake. This is, objectively, because Jo Halbig and David Schlichter are emotional idiots.
“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Benni snaps, throwing his bag down in front of David, who looks up, startled. “I get Jo- that dude’s a bit of an idiot emotionally- but you, you know exactly what you’re doing.”
“And what’s that?” David keeps his expression bored and still. Benni’s been a douche to him for the last couple of weeks; he’s not exactly going to give the bassist any reason to think he actually cares what he thinks.
“You know what I’m talking about.” And, oh, Benni’s mad. Also not a surprise. Benni’s been mad for a while now, at David personally. Only David. He’s perfectly fine around everyone else. Which, yeah, means David should have been expecting this a little sooner, but what can he say? Benni’s always been a little more distant than everyone else. Probably has to do with the fact that Benni’s got his own shit and David’s got his own shit, and they really only run into each other during the concert season. “You and Jo. You’re fucking or whatever.”
“What’s it to you?”
“It’s fucking with the band.”
David stares at Benni. “What the fuck are you talking about, man? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in the band. Never have been.” He’s more like a really enthusiastic roadie, which has weird implications that, oh, yeah, he’s actually fulfilled now. So there’s that. Still not a band member. Still not wanting to be one.
“You really think it’s all about you, isn’t it? How the fuck haven’t you noticed what you’re doing to your brother?”
David raises his hands in front of him.
“Look, I’ve got nothing to do with Jo and Mäx’s shit, okay? They can’t figure it out, fine. It’s Jo’s business if he wants to mess around a bit with me. Not yours, not Mäx’s.”
“Right,” Benni snorts. “Because those two are so rational about each other.” His mood changes suddenly, and he points a finger right under David’s nose. “Get your head out of your ass, David. You may not think it affects you, and it may not. I don’t know how shit goes down in your family, and, frankly, I don’t care. But you’re messing with my job, and it’s one I kind of like. So either figure out a way to be with Jo that doesn’t destroy the band or fucking quit it.”
ØØØ
David doesn’t take Benni’s threat too seriously. The guy needs the job. He’s not going to leave over some interpersonal relationship problems. After this long working with the band, that would be stupid.
That “and, frankly, I don’t care” stays with him, though. David’s not a sensitive guy. He’s not going to break because someone doesn’t want to be his friend anymore.
Benni is not just anyone. He’s part of the family they’ve made up, Jo, Mäx, and Fabi at the center, Benni, their manager, the techs, and David radiating out from there. The techs come and go and the other David is much older than all of them. David is barely a year younger than Jo. So there have been times where Benni was more than a bit the most relatable person in the room and David has been, let’s say, bored enough to talk to him.
There have also been times when David hasn’t talked to Benni, when he’s just stood there and watched the bassist play, his ridiculously emo hair flopping into his eyes worse than Jo’s ever did.
David’s just a little put out about reality, that’s all. It’s Benni’s job, after all; not like he ever cared about some kid half his age following him around and bothering him. David always knew that.
He always knew that. He really did. Absolutely.
ØØØ
David swallows back a retort when Mäx snaps at him to get out of the way, which David isn’t. I can leave any time I want. This band doesn’t hinge on whether or not I’m here.
It barely keeps David under control. Mäx exudes disapproval and barely reined-in rage. A single wrong word could lead to a screaming match David won’t be able to win.
Honestly, he has no idea what he’s doing now. He was supposed to be giving two clueless people a wake-up call. Instead, he all but destroyed his relationship with his brother. David wants to tell Mäx how sorry he is, how he didn’t know it would end up like this, but he knows how empty the words would sound and how much worse it would be if Mäx knew the truth. Besides, he doesn’t know where to begin. The best explanation involves putting Jo down, which means telling Mäx he has poor taste in men.
Jo is attractive, in his own way. David can see the appeal.
There’s simply no attraction. David didn’t want Jo when this started. He pitied him, if you wanted to make David’s motives seem nice; he wanted to test him, if you didn’t. David’s got his own ace up his sleeve.
The only difference is his case is hopeless, and Mäx will forgive Jo for this.
He wouldn’t have done it if he’d thought Mäx wouldn’t forgive Jo if he found out, wouldn’t look past whatever stupid thing Jo’d done, like he always did.
It’s kind of funny, actually, how oblivious Jo and Mäx are to each other’s pain. For weeks they’ve been barely talking and avoiding each other’s eyes, just circling around and around each other. It’s funny because David is an asshole. He really is, he’s starting to realize. He’s exchanging meaningless handjobs with a guy who can’t tell, despite the fact that David has done just about everything he can think of to send the message, that David doesn’t care about him and actively wants to push him away while his wimp of a brother refuses to tell either of them that this is all a terrible decision.
Maybe if he actively told Jo to fuck off the guy would get it. Because that would be great for band stability.
David doesn’t want to talk to Jo, anyway. People change, they really do, but sometimes it’s for the worse or David has a stronger moral compass or something, but he can’t take this, what he and Jo have done.
Disappointment. That’s what he feels. His childhood hero, taken from him. And isn’t that strange, Jo being his hero? David never thought about it, but the older Halbig really was. At least, he was a constant presence in his life, the two of them tangentially connected by Mäx and his borderline obsession with the brunette.
David doesn’t even want to say his name anymore.
He thought Jo was going to refuse. He was going to ask, just to show support, that sort of thing, and Jo was going to say no. It was, in many ways, a test. David wanted to know, on some semi-conscious level that Jo would always be there for David’s brother.
Jo didn’t refuse, though. He accepted David’s offer once and then twice, and then many more times until it was hard to tell what they were except monumentally unhappy. Mäx is unhappy now, too, because there was no way to keep it from him, and David wouldn’t lie and Jo wouldn’t, either, if Mäx asked him. He might try, but they knew each other too well for Jo to get away with it.
That was what David was hoping for- Jo realizing David would never give him what he wanted and could never be who he wanted. But Jo’s stupid, and Jo’s thoughtless, and now David feels so many things and none of them good. Contempt, disappointment, anger, maybe even a little hate because Jo is weak and David can’t stop the hurt he’s- they’re- causing Mäx.
He reserves the disgust for himself.
ØØØ
Anyone can see that Jo’s destroying himself, but it takes a more careful eye to see what Mäx is doing. David’s brother pulls his emotions in around him, blaming himself for failure and mistakes. Where Jo throws out, Mäx drags in.
The quiet is as terrifying as it is telling. And David can’t ask. Mäx won’t talk to him. Things are so wrong, they’re just spiraling worse and worse, and David can’t ask his brother what’s wrong. That’s how much damage he’s done.
Mäx’s eyes follow David every time they’re forced to be in the same room, only to flicker away when David looks in his direction. He ignores David, doesn’t answer any of his questions, not even with a subhuman grunt, and gets up to leave the second David enters a room. It’s childish…but it still stings.
What the hell is he doing?
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“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Benni snaps, throwing his bag down in front of David, who looks up, startled. “I get Jo- that dude’s a bit of an idiot emotionally- but you, you know exactly what you’re doing.”
“And what’s that?” David keeps his expression bored and still. Benni’s been a douche to him for the last couple of weeks; he’s not exactly going to give the bassist any reason to think he actually cares what he thinks.
“You know what I’m talking about.” And, oh, Benni’s mad. Also not a surprise. Benni’s been mad for a while now, at David personally. Only David. He’s perfectly fine around everyone else. Which, yeah, means David should have been expecting this a little sooner, but what can he say? Benni’s always been a little more distant than everyone else. Probably has to do with the fact that Benni’s got his own shit and David’s got his own shit, and they really only run into each other during the concert season. “You and Jo. You’re fucking or whatever.”
“What’s it to you?”
“It’s fucking with the band.”
David stares at Benni. “What the fuck are you talking about, man? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in the band. Never have been.” He’s more like a really enthusiastic roadie, which has weird implications that, oh, yeah, he’s actually fulfilled now. So there’s that. Still not a band member. Still not wanting to be one.
“You really think it’s all about you, isn’t it? How the fuck haven’t you noticed what you’re doing to your brother?”
David raises his hands in front of him.
“Look, I’ve got nothing to do with Jo and Mäx’s shit, okay? They can’t figure it out, fine. It’s Jo’s business if he wants to mess around a bit with me. Not yours, not Mäx’s.”
“Right,” Benni snorts. “Because those two are so rational about each other.” His mood changes suddenly, and he points a finger right under David’s nose. “Get your head out of your ass, David. You may not think it affects you, and it may not. I don’t know how shit goes down in your family, and, frankly, I don’t care. But you’re messing with my job, and it’s one I kind of like. So either figure out a way to be with Jo that doesn’t destroy the band or fucking quit it.”
ØØØ
David doesn’t take Benni’s threat too seriously. The guy needs the job. He’s not going to leave over some interpersonal relationship problems. After this long working with the band, that would be stupid.
That “and, frankly, I don’t care” stays with him, though. David’s not a sensitive guy. He’s not going to break because someone doesn’t want to be his friend anymore.
Benni is not just anyone. He’s part of the family they’ve made up, Jo, Mäx, and Fabi at the center, Benni, their manager, the techs, and David radiating out from there. The techs come and go and the other David is much older than all of them. David is barely a year younger than Jo. So there have been times where Benni was more than a bit the most relatable person in the room and David has been, let’s say, bored enough to talk to him.
There have also been times when David hasn’t talked to Benni, when he’s just stood there and watched the bassist play, his ridiculously emo hair flopping into his eyes worse than Jo’s ever did.
David’s just a little put out about reality, that’s all. It’s Benni’s job, after all; not like he ever cared about some kid half his age following him around and bothering him. David always knew that.
He always knew that. He really did. Absolutely.
ØØØ
David swallows back a retort when Mäx snaps at him to get out of the way, which David isn’t. I can leave any time I want. This band doesn’t hinge on whether or not I’m here.
It barely keeps David under control. Mäx exudes disapproval and barely reined-in rage. A single wrong word could lead to a screaming match David won’t be able to win.
Honestly, he has no idea what he’s doing now. He was supposed to be giving two clueless people a wake-up call. Instead, he all but destroyed his relationship with his brother. David wants to tell Mäx how sorry he is, how he didn’t know it would end up like this, but he knows how empty the words would sound and how much worse it would be if Mäx knew the truth. Besides, he doesn’t know where to begin. The best explanation involves putting Jo down, which means telling Mäx he has poor taste in men.
Jo is attractive, in his own way. David can see the appeal.
There’s simply no attraction. David didn’t want Jo when this started. He pitied him, if you wanted to make David’s motives seem nice; he wanted to test him, if you didn’t. David’s got his own ace up his sleeve.
The only difference is his case is hopeless, and Mäx will forgive Jo for this.
He wouldn’t have done it if he’d thought Mäx wouldn’t forgive Jo if he found out, wouldn’t look past whatever stupid thing Jo’d done, like he always did.
It’s kind of funny, actually, how oblivious Jo and Mäx are to each other’s pain. For weeks they’ve been barely talking and avoiding each other’s eyes, just circling around and around each other. It’s funny because David is an asshole. He really is, he’s starting to realize. He’s exchanging meaningless handjobs with a guy who can’t tell, despite the fact that David has done just about everything he can think of to send the message, that David doesn’t care about him and actively wants to push him away while his wimp of a brother refuses to tell either of them that this is all a terrible decision.
Maybe if he actively told Jo to fuck off the guy would get it. Because that would be great for band stability.
David doesn’t want to talk to Jo, anyway. People change, they really do, but sometimes it’s for the worse or David has a stronger moral compass or something, but he can’t take this, what he and Jo have done.
Disappointment. That’s what he feels. His childhood hero, taken from him. And isn’t that strange, Jo being his hero? David never thought about it, but the older Halbig really was. At least, he was a constant presence in his life, the two of them tangentially connected by Mäx and his borderline obsession with the brunette.
David doesn’t even want to say his name anymore.
He thought Jo was going to refuse. He was going to ask, just to show support, that sort of thing, and Jo was going to say no. It was, in many ways, a test. David wanted to know, on some semi-conscious level that Jo would always be there for David’s brother.
Jo didn’t refuse, though. He accepted David’s offer once and then twice, and then many more times until it was hard to tell what they were except monumentally unhappy. Mäx is unhappy now, too, because there was no way to keep it from him, and David wouldn’t lie and Jo wouldn’t, either, if Mäx asked him. He might try, but they knew each other too well for Jo to get away with it.
That was what David was hoping for- Jo realizing David would never give him what he wanted and could never be who he wanted. But Jo’s stupid, and Jo’s thoughtless, and now David feels so many things and none of them good. Contempt, disappointment, anger, maybe even a little hate because Jo is weak and David can’t stop the hurt he’s- they’re- causing Mäx.
He reserves the disgust for himself.
ØØØ
Anyone can see that Jo’s destroying himself, but it takes a more careful eye to see what Mäx is doing. David’s brother pulls his emotions in around him, blaming himself for failure and mistakes. Where Jo throws out, Mäx drags in.
The quiet is as terrifying as it is telling. And David can’t ask. Mäx won’t talk to him. Things are so wrong, they’re just spiraling worse and worse, and David can’t ask his brother what’s wrong. That’s how much damage he’s done.
Mäx’s eyes follow David every time they’re forced to be in the same room, only to flicker away when David looks in his direction. He ignores David, doesn’t answer any of his questions, not even with a subhuman grunt, and gets up to leave the second David enters a room. It’s childish…but it still stings.
What the hell is he doing?
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