Things I Like About Christmas
1. Cream with alcohol in it. Amongst the midst of sickly chocolates and ordinary items made festive by shaping them like snowmen, this stands out as a wonderful creation.
2. Christmas jumpers. They are very warm and everyone looks a twat in them.
3. Sprouts. Sprouts epitomise Christmas. Everyone is forced to eat them, even though most people don't like them and even those who do wouldn't dream of eating them at any other time. They look a bit like testicles and make you fart. I like them sauteed, or with vinegar.
4. Do They Know It's Christmas. A Christmas song about famines. How much more bah humbug can you get? My favourite lines are the "clanging chimes of doom" and the rather uncharitable sentiment that you should thank God it's them instead of you.
5. Cheese with ridiculous things in it, including but not limited to salted caramel, christmas pudding and mexican chillis. More of this please.
6. Advocaat and lemonade. But not the way your teeth feel after drinking it.
7. Decorations! I like shiny things and flashing lights. I also like Christmas trees because there is something inherently ridiculous about them. Whose idea was it to get a whopping great tree and stick it in your front room with lots of random tat hanging off it? How did it ever catch on?
8. January sales. Because you can never have enough consumerism.
9. The EastEnders Christmas special. This has got to be the highlight of any Christmas, if not the entire year. Always features someone giving birth, some angry person informing their family that Christmas is caaaancelled (usually Phil Mitchell) and someone hysterically smashing up their Christmas decorations after discovering their partner has been having a secret affair with the ghost of Dirty Den since 1984.
2. Christmas jumpers. They are very warm and everyone looks a twat in them.
3. Sprouts. Sprouts epitomise Christmas. Everyone is forced to eat them, even though most people don't like them and even those who do wouldn't dream of eating them at any other time. They look a bit like testicles and make you fart. I like them sauteed, or with vinegar.
4. Do They Know It's Christmas. A Christmas song about famines. How much more bah humbug can you get? My favourite lines are the "clanging chimes of doom" and the rather uncharitable sentiment that you should thank God it's them instead of you.
5. Cheese with ridiculous things in it, including but not limited to salted caramel, christmas pudding and mexican chillis. More of this please.
6. Advocaat and lemonade. But not the way your teeth feel after drinking it.
7. Decorations! I like shiny things and flashing lights. I also like Christmas trees because there is something inherently ridiculous about them. Whose idea was it to get a whopping great tree and stick it in your front room with lots of random tat hanging off it? How did it ever catch on?
8. January sales. Because you can never have enough consumerism.
9. The EastEnders Christmas special. This has got to be the highlight of any Christmas, if not the entire year. Always features someone giving birth, some angry person informing their family that Christmas is caaaancelled (usually Phil Mitchell) and someone hysterically smashing up their Christmas decorations after discovering their partner has been having a secret affair with the ghost of Dirty Den since 1984.