"A sleepless night becomes an oblivion..."
Quoted from May 25th, 2007, 2:57PM --
"So the song called "Summer In the City" by Regina Spektor... I love it.
Summer in the city, I'm so lonely lonely lonely
So I went to a protest just to rub up against strangers
And I did feel like coming but I also felt like crying
It doesn't seem so worth it right now
That's how I feel. Lonely, lonely, lonely... desperate enough just for a single caring touch. But in the end I cry.
elusivexHYSTERIA:You know why I'm sad? elusivexHYSTERIA:Because I don't feel loved. At all. Never really did. elusivexHYSTERIA:No one wants to cuddle with me or hold me tight just bcoz. No one wants me to hold onto their arm when I feel insecure or unsafe. elusivexHYSTERIA:No one tells me they love me, or care for me. elusivexHYSTERIA:Nobody knows when I cry during school
I said this to someone. Hoping for a response... I got nothing. I always feel that I get empty words. Actions speak louder than words. I learned that a long time ago, the hard way. Thank you`s, I appreciate you`s, I do care for you`s, Sorry`s don't mean jack shit to me unless you show me / prove it. I can't believe in people anymore. They are just words... meaningless && empty... unless accompanied by demonstrating what you really feel. I've lost most of my hope in finding someone who can understand me. But I think I should completely give up on that... No on will understand me. I don't even understand myself."
I remember when I was feeling this way. Reading it again makes me feel even happier that I've already changed. I still obide by actions speaks louder than words. The hardest thing I had to learn. Luckily, I never gave up. Took me a couple months to find a great person and to realize who are my true friends.
So, I went to the Mount Saint Mary's College Placement Testing & yesterday I wake up around 5:50AM because I was planning to leave at 6:30AM for Mount Saint Mary's College. I HATE THE 405 FREEWAY ): I hate it with a passion! I enter the freeway around 6:40AM and I arrive at MSMC at 7:50AM ): A twenty mile drive killed me. I had to register at 8AM. The placement testing started at 8:40 instead of 8:30 coz there was a lot of girls missing. I guess they didn't anticipate the traffic like me XD
Dang, that test was long. 8:40AM-12PM. There was Grammar, Vocabulary, Reading, Math -- and because I was going for a bachelors in science degree-- Chemistry. I did well in the first four. My advisor told me I got second highest overall scoring. That's pretty darn good. Math (my worst subject ever) was surprisely easy. BUT I think chemistry topped (or bottomed) it as my worst subject in the whole, wide universe! I got a 'C' in AP Chemisty in high school and did NOT pass the exam. I didn't even get a '2'. (And a '3' is passing) Lol.
I was surprisingly not sleepy when I got there, or right before the test -- considering I got about 2-3 hours of sleep. (Stayed up late on the phone<3 Hehe) But right when I was handed a scantron, my eyes became heavy! Haha.
Walking around the campus is sooo annoying if you're a newbie. I get so confused! The Humanities building is 5 floors tall, but from the patio is only looks 3 stories tall, but if you go behind it (down the mountain, near the parking lot) you realize its a long way down and a steep way up! Gosh! So annoying and tiring! I'm going to lose weight walking around campus! Hahaha! Freshmen minus 15? Hopefully so! (:
After the test, I went to the cafeteria, ate salad then went to my advisement appointment at 1:30PM. Sigh, took forever. But now I know my classes ): It's saddening how jam packed it looks.
Mount Saint Mary's College Class Schedule
BS / Pre-Nursing (yes, Nursing)
I'm taking 18 units ): Well, it will most likely become 15 units because I passed AP Psychology! (:
Monday:
08:00AM - 09:00AM English 1A
09:10AM - 10:10AM Sociology 5
10:20AM - 11:20AM Microbiology
11:20AM - 12:30PM FREE (:
12:40PM - 02:10PM Psychology 1 (dropping it soon!)
02:10PM - 03:40PM Microbiology Lab
Tuesday:
08:00AM - 11:00AM Anatomy Lab
11:20AM - 12:50PM Anatomy
01:00PM - 02:00PM Intro to College studies
Wednesday:
08:00AM - 09:00AM English 1A
09:10AM - 10:10AM Sociology 5
10:20AM - 11:20AM Microbiology
11:20AM - 12:30PM FREE (:
12:40PM - 02:10PM Psychology 1 (dropping it soon!)
02:10PM - 03:40PM Microbiology Lab
Thursday:
11:20AM - 12:50PM Anatomy
(That's right, only ONE class. Yee!)
Friday:
08:00AM - 09:00AM English 1A
09:10AM - 10:10AM Sociology 5
10:20AM - 11:20AM Microbiology
Okay, so it's not that jam packed. But look at Monday and Wednesday! ): So, to make time, I plan on going home every other weekend. And the other other weekends with Mordecai. If he's not too busy. I don't really want him to visit during the week unless he wants to travel in heavy traffic on the 405 and a winding, long way up a mountain. ): He can't even sleep over. Sigh. But I can sleep over his house (: I think. He seemed kind of hesitant when I said that yesterday. AND I'm not allowed to purchase a parking permit. Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars up there ): So, I gain freedom but lose a sub-type of freedom. ):
Anyway, after my session with the advisor, I took my UGLY, REALLY UGLY, ID picture. ): She didn't let me retake it. Jerk. ;____; My freshmen pictures are always ugly.
Anyway, after that, I left and drove to see Mordecai. (: Did I say I hate the 405? ): I also hate the 105. It took me a little over an hour to travel 22 miles to Compton! T_T It was horrendous! Dang, what I do just to see the guy for 3 hours. We get closer everytime we see each other. At least I think so. And I love it. (: Just like I love him. Har-har. I'm a corny-ass mofo.
So I got home around 8:30PM. Computized a bit. Watched part of Bruce Almighty on TV. Then went to sleep at 11PM. Mordecai didn't call me last night, but that's okay. I died. So I really needed the sleep! 2 hours of sleep + 2.5 hours driving in traffic = catching a slight case of death. Sigh.
So... today was really lame compared to yesterday.
I'll summarize it by using the IM to Amber:
elusivexHYSTERIA (4:15:52 PM): T_T College is so close! I'm going to be overwhelmed with a jam packed schedule! Fuck science! AND my parents are fucking bitches! They order me around and aren't grateful! I'm filling up applications for THEM. Stressing out because of them because they were suppose to fill it out TWO WEEKS AGO! They're all mad at me for using the WRONG SIZED ENVELOPE which can be EASILY replaced! T_T I woke up 7am this morning to drop off my sister; something my mom is suppose to do. I couldn't go back to sleep. Even though I fuckin` tired from yesterday! I was fixing my college shit. Calling numbers, writing things, explaining shit. Until I realized it was already 9:30, and I wanted to run. BUT my dad came home for his lunch break and wanted me to fill out HIS & my moms applications! T_T and here I am, stressed, pissed, sad & feelin` crazy coz I don't want to run, I want to sleep, but I can't. I'm restless. AND I need some lovin`
elusivexHYSTERIA (4:16:34 PM): Sigh.
Amburr Rito (4:21:26 PM): Aw
): I didn't run today.
Sigh. I'm pretty tired from all the stress. I think I'm going to fix me up some salad and a ton of watermelon to repent. See ya.
"So the song called "Summer In the City" by Regina Spektor... I love it.
Summer in the city, I'm so lonely lonely lonely
So I went to a protest just to rub up against strangers
And I did feel like coming but I also felt like crying
It doesn't seem so worth it right now
That's how I feel. Lonely, lonely, lonely... desperate enough just for a single caring touch. But in the end I cry.
elusivexHYSTERIA:You know why I'm sad? elusivexHYSTERIA:Because I don't feel loved. At all. Never really did. elusivexHYSTERIA:No one wants to cuddle with me or hold me tight just bcoz. No one wants me to hold onto their arm when I feel insecure or unsafe. elusivexHYSTERIA:No one tells me they love me, or care for me. elusivexHYSTERIA:Nobody knows when I cry during school
I said this to someone. Hoping for a response... I got nothing. I always feel that I get empty words. Actions speak louder than words. I learned that a long time ago, the hard way. Thank you`s, I appreciate you`s, I do care for you`s, Sorry`s don't mean jack shit to me unless you show me / prove it. I can't believe in people anymore. They are just words... meaningless && empty... unless accompanied by demonstrating what you really feel. I've lost most of my hope in finding someone who can understand me. But I think I should completely give up on that... No on will understand me. I don't even understand myself."
I remember when I was feeling this way. Reading it again makes me feel even happier that I've already changed. I still obide by actions speaks louder than words. The hardest thing I had to learn. Luckily, I never gave up. Took me a couple months to find a great person and to realize who are my true friends.
So, I went to the Mount Saint Mary's College Placement Testing & yesterday I wake up around 5:50AM because I was planning to leave at 6:30AM for Mount Saint Mary's College. I HATE THE 405 FREEWAY ): I hate it with a passion! I enter the freeway around 6:40AM and I arrive at MSMC at 7:50AM ): A twenty mile drive killed me. I had to register at 8AM. The placement testing started at 8:40 instead of 8:30 coz there was a lot of girls missing. I guess they didn't anticipate the traffic like me XD
Dang, that test was long. 8:40AM-12PM. There was Grammar, Vocabulary, Reading, Math -- and because I was going for a bachelors in science degree-- Chemistry. I did well in the first four. My advisor told me I got second highest overall scoring. That's pretty darn good. Math (my worst subject ever) was surprisely easy. BUT I think chemistry topped (or bottomed) it as my worst subject in the whole, wide universe! I got a 'C' in AP Chemisty in high school and did NOT pass the exam. I didn't even get a '2'. (And a '3' is passing) Lol.
I was surprisingly not sleepy when I got there, or right before the test -- considering I got about 2-3 hours of sleep. (Stayed up late on the phone<3 Hehe) But right when I was handed a scantron, my eyes became heavy! Haha.
Walking around the campus is sooo annoying if you're a newbie. I get so confused! The Humanities building is 5 floors tall, but from the patio is only looks 3 stories tall, but if you go behind it (down the mountain, near the parking lot) you realize its a long way down and a steep way up! Gosh! So annoying and tiring! I'm going to lose weight walking around campus! Hahaha! Freshmen minus 15? Hopefully so! (:
After the test, I went to the cafeteria, ate salad then went to my advisement appointment at 1:30PM. Sigh, took forever. But now I know my classes ): It's saddening how jam packed it looks.
Mount Saint Mary's College Class Schedule
BS / Pre-Nursing (yes, Nursing)
I'm taking 18 units ): Well, it will most likely become 15 units because I passed AP Psychology! (:
Monday:
08:00AM - 09:00AM English 1A
09:10AM - 10:10AM Sociology 5
10:20AM - 11:20AM Microbiology
11:20AM - 12:30PM FREE (:
12:40PM - 02:10PM Psychology 1 (dropping it soon!)
02:10PM - 03:40PM Microbiology Lab
Tuesday:
08:00AM - 11:00AM Anatomy Lab
11:20AM - 12:50PM Anatomy
01:00PM - 02:00PM Intro to College studies
Wednesday:
08:00AM - 09:00AM English 1A
09:10AM - 10:10AM Sociology 5
10:20AM - 11:20AM Microbiology
11:20AM - 12:30PM FREE (:
12:40PM - 02:10PM Psychology 1 (dropping it soon!)
02:10PM - 03:40PM Microbiology Lab
Thursday:
11:20AM - 12:50PM Anatomy
(That's right, only ONE class. Yee!)
Friday:
08:00AM - 09:00AM English 1A
09:10AM - 10:10AM Sociology 5
10:20AM - 11:20AM Microbiology
Okay, so it's not that jam packed. But look at Monday and Wednesday! ): So, to make time, I plan on going home every other weekend. And the other other weekends with Mordecai. If he's not too busy. I don't really want him to visit during the week unless he wants to travel in heavy traffic on the 405 and a winding, long way up a mountain. ): He can't even sleep over. Sigh. But I can sleep over his house (: I think. He seemed kind of hesitant when I said that yesterday. AND I'm not allowed to purchase a parking permit. Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars up there ): So, I gain freedom but lose a sub-type of freedom. ):
Anyway, after my session with the advisor, I took my UGLY, REALLY UGLY, ID picture. ): She didn't let me retake it. Jerk. ;____; My freshmen pictures are always ugly.
Anyway, after that, I left and drove to see Mordecai. (: Did I say I hate the 405? ): I also hate the 105. It took me a little over an hour to travel 22 miles to Compton! T_T It was horrendous! Dang, what I do just to see the guy for 3 hours. We get closer everytime we see each other. At least I think so. And I love it. (: Just like I love him. Har-har. I'm a corny-ass mofo.
So I got home around 8:30PM. Computized a bit. Watched part of Bruce Almighty on TV. Then went to sleep at 11PM. Mordecai didn't call me last night, but that's okay. I died. So I really needed the sleep! 2 hours of sleep + 2.5 hours driving in traffic = catching a slight case of death. Sigh.
So... today was really lame compared to yesterday.
I'll summarize it by using the IM to Amber:
elusivexHYSTERIA (4:15:52 PM): T_T College is so close! I'm going to be overwhelmed with a jam packed schedule! Fuck science! AND my parents are fucking bitches! They order me around and aren't grateful! I'm filling up applications for THEM. Stressing out because of them because they were suppose to fill it out TWO WEEKS AGO! They're all mad at me for using the WRONG SIZED ENVELOPE which can be EASILY replaced! T_T I woke up 7am this morning to drop off my sister; something my mom is suppose to do. I couldn't go back to sleep. Even though I fuckin` tired from yesterday! I was fixing my college shit. Calling numbers, writing things, explaining shit. Until I realized it was already 9:30, and I wanted to run. BUT my dad came home for his lunch break and wanted me to fill out HIS & my moms applications! T_T and here I am, stressed, pissed, sad & feelin` crazy coz I don't want to run, I want to sleep, but I can't. I'm restless. AND I need some lovin`
elusivexHYSTERIA (4:16:34 PM): Sigh.
Amburr Rito (4:21:26 PM): Aw
): I didn't run today.
Sigh. I'm pretty tired from all the stress. I think I'm going to fix me up some salad and a ton of watermelon to repent. See ya.