Re: FILLED - (Like Stars Burning Holes) Right Through the Dark [4/6]kototyphMarch 12 2012, 00:27:38 UTC
She shrugs. "He asked if anyone had seen you, passed around a picture like you were some kind of milk carton sub. I tried to play it off, but then Gen came over and was all, 'Oh, is that Jared? He looks so good with short hair, why doesn't he cut it short more often?'" Here Alona gives an eyeroll, but her expression is still more fond than exasperated. "Of course, the guy was all over that."
"What did you tell him?" Jared asks warily.
"I didn't tell him anything," Alona snaps back, too defensively.
Jared sighs, lets his head fall into his hands. "And what did Gen tell him?"
"I managed to stop her from giving out your address," she says dryly. "It was a close thing. Who is this guy, Jare?"
Jared closes his eyes. "A mistake. One I don't intend to repeat."
-
After the bar closes, Jared finds himself huddled on the plastic bench Ms. Ferris set out for smoke breaks, turning his phone in his hands and sinking deeper into a kind of edgy, depressed anxiety.
He doesn't know what Jensen wants, how he found Jared, why he's asking after him. He made it very plain that he didn't want and was never interested in Jared as a sub, despite what the whole town thought. Despite what Jared believed with his whole heart. It is over and done with, Jared tells himself fiercely. That chapter of his life is closed.
He has a much better life here-real friends instead of a handful of people who happen to be the same age, freedom to do what he wants instead of conforming to the town's and his mother's expectations. He has a job.
He has Misha.
Jared's finger hovers over the call button, Misha's name lit up on the screen. Even if it makes him feel almost sick with nervousness, the idea that he could, in theory, make one phone call right now and come into work the tomorrow collared is heady. He could even fool himself into believing it's what he wants; hell, he's halfway there already. He could do it.
Of course, it's just then that a voice behind him breaths, "Jared," so tenderly that tears prick Jared's eyes before he rapidly blinks them away.
He turns, because it's impossible not to. He's always been helplessly drawn to Jensen, lodestone to a magnet, flower to the sun.
"Jared," Jensen says again, reverently, and steps forward into the light.
In the dim orange glow of the streetlamp, it's impossible to see the sharp green of his eyes, the light dusting of cinnamon-colored freckles across his nose, the threads of red and gold working outdoors always brought out in his hair, but Jared's mind recreates them in loving detail; in his mind's eye, Jensen is always a vigorous twenty-eight, laughing at him from a bright, eternal summer afternoon.
At thirty one, the crow's feet are a little deeper but his frame is still broad and strong. His jaw is rough with stubble and there are dark circles under his eyes, but he's smiling that molasses-slow grin that was always Jared's favorite. "Jared," he says a third time. It's a invocation, a summons.
Three years is a long time. A long time, but apparently not long enough, because Jared looks at Jensen's beautifully familiar face and he stills sees his best friend, his Dom. The love of his life. Jensen is still coming closer, and Jared is distantly glad he's already sitting down, because the other man's expression alone would probably have sent him to his knees. The Dom looks awed, wrecked, hopeful, his smile almost too brilliant to look at. Jared can't stand it.
"Why are you here?" he asks, and doesn't care that it sounds hostile.
Re: FILLED - (Like Stars Burning Holes) Right Through the Dark [5/6]kototyphMarch 12 2012, 00:28:28 UTC
Jensen stops short, a few feet shy of where Jared's sitting. "What?"
Jared lifts his head to look directly at him, challenging the way no sub should be. "Why. Are. You. Here?"
The man parts his lips, confusion wrinkling across his forehead, and it suddenly occurs to Jared that Jensen doesn't understand. He does not understand why Jared would not want to see him.
The bastard.
All the wounded anger Jared has been bottling up is transmuting itself into a cold, clear rage, building up behind his teeth like icy venom, so that when Jensen lifts a hand to touch hiss shoulder Jared jerks away so hard that the bench topples, Jared shooting to his feet with an arm flung up between them.
"Why are you here?" he yells, and it echoes oddly between buildings in the wet night. It's probably close to four now and the downtown area's deserted, for which Jared can only be grateful.
"Calm down," Jensen says curtly, and that's one place Misha and Jensen have never been alike. If Jared pushes and tests the boundaries, Jensen will damn well push back, and it wasn't something Jared realized he'd missed, or wanted. Needed.
Jensen's reaching for him again and Jared steps away, but his back is to the bar and in a few more feet there's nowhere left to go. Jensen crowds him back against the brick and brackets Jared's body with his forearms against the building. He's not touching him yet, but he's not leaving Jared any room to move or maneuver, either.
God, Jared had forgotten what being surrounded by Jensen feels like, how the heat soaks through his skin into his bones. He feels trapped. He feels safe. "How did you even find me?" he asks, and it comes out on a whisper.
"Your brother told me where you'd gone," Jensen rasps. His voice is lower than Jared remembers, but it's just as familiar as his smile. "I've known for a while, Jay."
"You-what?" Jared says blankly. "He told you? Why-?" Didn't you come before, Jared wants to ask, but he knows the answer to that. "Wait, how long is a while?"
Jensen's watching him, gaze soft and more intimate than it has any right to be. "Pretty much since the beginning."
That's… utterly crushing. Sometimes, in his darkest moments, Jared had clung to the idea that if Jensen had known where he was, he would have come. They'd been at the very least friends, once, even if Jared had assumed so much more.
But Jensen had known. He'd known, and done nothing, and the knowledge hurts so badly Jared almost completely misses what he says next.
"I'd have gone crazy, otherwise. But Jeff said you were happy here, and I thought- well. I wanted you to decide, when you were ready, if you still wanted me," Jensen says, reaching up to stroke Jared's cheek and hesitating just before his fingers brush skin. "Jay."
The sheer ludicrousness of the statement is enough to shock Jared out of his stupor. "Jen," he responds, disbelief and fury warring in his tone, "I did decide. I offered myself to you twice. You rejected me, twice."
"I know," and suddenly Jensen sounds so desperate. "God, Jay, I know, and I know I hurt you, but please, you have to believe me. It damn near killed me to say no to you, you can't do this to me-"
"Can't-what? What are you talking about?" Jared asks, floundering.
"Jeff told me that you'd found someone else," Jensen says in a rush, and his hand drops to fist in Jared's shirt. His eyes are pleading. "Last week, when you called him. I couldn't- I can't let you, Jay."
Misha. He's talking about Misha, and Jared's half-joking comment to his brother, and if anything could make Jared feel worse at this moment it's being reminded of that. "Jeff told you," Jared says slowly, trying to work out what Jensen's getting at. "What do you mean, you can't let me?"
"Moron," Jensen says roughly, and gives him a little shake. "I would have claimed you the day I met you if your momma hadn't sent me packing. I'd never felt the urge that strongly before. Jesus, it was crazy how much I wanted you."
It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. "Then, why? Jensen, why?"
Re: FILLED - (Like Stars Burning Holes) Right Through the Dark [6/6]kototyphMarch 12 2012, 00:29:22 UTC
"It was your father."
Of all the possible answers Jared has thought of over the years, this is one option that has honestly never occurred to him. "My… dad?" he repeats, stunned.
Jensen flattened his hand across Jared's chest and slid it upwards, until his palm rested at the base of Jared's throat. "He talked to me, after that first time. He's always wanted more for you than he had, Jay, your mom claiming him so young. I wanted more for you, too. I wanted to explain, but you disappeared so quickly I never got the chance. After that, I figured… I thought I'd hurt you enough. I thought it would be better for you if I let you do what you wanted. But," and here Jensen caught Jared's eyes and held them, his own eyes fever-bright and fervent, "Jay, please. I know I don't deserve another chance, but I can't lose you. I love you."
"You… love me?" Jared parrots dumbly back, because it's almost too much information to take in at once: Jensen's here, Jensen was waiting, Jensen loves him, Jensen, Jensen, Jensen.
He finally lets himself slump forward until his head is resting on the other man's shoulder, and Jensen braces himself against the extra weight with a low grunt, wrapping his arms around Jared without hesitation. His grip is so tight it almost hurts.
"Damn. Swear you got even bigger."
"Two inches," Jared mumbles, nuzzling further into Jensen's neck and breathing him in. "Say it again."
"I'll do better."
The Dom lets go of him to fumble something out of his jacket pocket. It's a dark wooden case, too long and thin for a ring, Jared notes with a kind of detached shock.
"I've been carrying this for three years," Jensen says with the tiniest of catches in his voice, and opens the case.
Jared stares down at the slim leather band lying in Jensen's hands. It's finely tooled and lined with bloodred silk, and it's making Jared's knees shake just looking at it.
"Oh, God," he says faintly, and Jensen laughs a little brokenly.
Right there, onto wet cement and dead leaves, Jared Padalecki goes to his knees for Jensen Ackles. It's the third time.
Jensen's fingers (they're trembling almost violently, and Jared thinks, I love you, I love you) slide the collar into place around his neck, fastening it at the back. It's the first time.
She shrugs. "He asked if anyone had seen you, passed around a picture like you were some kind of milk carton sub. I tried to play it off, but then Gen came over and was all, 'Oh, is that Jared? He looks so good with short hair, why doesn't he cut it short more often?'" Here Alona gives an eyeroll, but her expression is still more fond than exasperated. "Of course, the guy was all over that."
"What did you tell him?" Jared asks warily.
"I didn't tell him anything," Alona snaps back, too defensively.
Jared sighs, lets his head fall into his hands. "And what did Gen tell him?"
"I managed to stop her from giving out your address," she says dryly. "It was a close thing. Who is this guy, Jare?"
Jared closes his eyes. "A mistake. One I don't intend to repeat."
-
After the bar closes, Jared finds himself huddled on the plastic bench Ms. Ferris set out for smoke breaks, turning his phone in his hands and sinking deeper into a kind of edgy, depressed anxiety.
He doesn't know what Jensen wants, how he found Jared, why he's asking after him. He made it very plain that he didn't want and was never interested in Jared as a sub, despite what the whole town thought. Despite what Jared believed with his whole heart. It is over and done with, Jared tells himself fiercely. That chapter of his life is closed.
He has a much better life here-real friends instead of a handful of people who happen to be the same age, freedom to do what he wants instead of conforming to the town's and his mother's expectations. He has a job.
He has Misha.
Jared's finger hovers over the call button, Misha's name lit up on the screen. Even if it makes him feel almost sick with nervousness, the idea that he could, in theory, make one phone call right now and come into work the tomorrow collared is heady. He could even fool himself into believing it's what he wants; hell, he's halfway there already. He could do it.
Of course, it's just then that a voice behind him breaths, "Jared," so tenderly that tears prick Jared's eyes before he rapidly blinks them away.
He turns, because it's impossible not to. He's always been helplessly drawn to Jensen, lodestone to a magnet, flower to the sun.
"Jared," Jensen says again, reverently, and steps forward into the light.
In the dim orange glow of the streetlamp, it's impossible to see the sharp green of his eyes, the light dusting of cinnamon-colored freckles across his nose, the threads of red and gold working outdoors always brought out in his hair, but Jared's mind recreates them in loving detail; in his mind's eye, Jensen is always a vigorous twenty-eight, laughing at him from a bright, eternal summer afternoon.
At thirty one, the crow's feet are a little deeper but his frame is still broad and strong. His jaw is rough with stubble and there are dark circles under his eyes, but he's smiling that molasses-slow grin that was always Jared's favorite. "Jared," he says a third time. It's a invocation, a summons.
Three years is a long time. A long time, but apparently not long enough, because Jared looks at Jensen's beautifully familiar face and he stills sees his best friend, his Dom. The love of his life. Jensen is still coming closer, and Jared is distantly glad he's already sitting down, because the other man's expression alone would probably have sent him to his knees. The Dom looks awed, wrecked, hopeful, his smile almost too brilliant to look at. Jared can't stand it.
"Why are you here?" he asks, and doesn't care that it sounds hostile.
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Jensen stops short, a few feet shy of where Jared's sitting. "What?"
Jared lifts his head to look directly at him, challenging the way no sub should be. "Why. Are. You. Here?"
The man parts his lips, confusion wrinkling across his forehead, and it suddenly occurs to Jared that Jensen doesn't understand. He does not understand why Jared would not want to see him.
The bastard.
All the wounded anger Jared has been bottling up is transmuting itself into a cold, clear rage, building up behind his teeth like icy venom, so that when Jensen lifts a hand to touch hiss shoulder Jared jerks away so hard that the bench topples, Jared shooting to his feet with an arm flung up between them.
"Why are you here?" he yells, and it echoes oddly between buildings in the wet night. It's probably close to four now and the downtown area's deserted, for which Jared can only be grateful.
"Calm down," Jensen says curtly, and that's one place Misha and Jensen have never been alike. If Jared pushes and tests the boundaries, Jensen will damn well push back, and it wasn't something Jared realized he'd missed, or wanted. Needed.
Jensen's reaching for him again and Jared steps away, but his back is to the bar and in a few more feet there's nowhere left to go. Jensen crowds him back against the brick and brackets Jared's body with his forearms against the building. He's not touching him yet, but he's not leaving Jared any room to move or maneuver, either.
God, Jared had forgotten what being surrounded by Jensen feels like, how the heat soaks through his skin into his bones. He feels trapped. He feels safe. "How did you even find me?" he asks, and it comes out on a whisper.
"Your brother told me where you'd gone," Jensen rasps. His voice is lower than Jared remembers, but it's just as familiar as his smile. "I've known for a while, Jay."
"You-what?" Jared says blankly. "He told you? Why-?" Didn't you come before, Jared wants to ask, but he knows the answer to that. "Wait, how long is a while?"
Jensen's watching him, gaze soft and more intimate than it has any right to be. "Pretty much since the beginning."
That's… utterly crushing. Sometimes, in his darkest moments, Jared had clung to the idea that if Jensen had known where he was, he would have come. They'd been at the very least friends, once, even if Jared had assumed so much more.
But Jensen had known. He'd known, and done nothing, and the knowledge hurts so badly Jared almost completely misses what he says next.
"I'd have gone crazy, otherwise. But Jeff said you were happy here, and I thought- well. I wanted you to decide, when you were ready, if you still wanted me," Jensen says, reaching up to stroke Jared's cheek and hesitating just before his fingers brush skin. "Jay."
The sheer ludicrousness of the statement is enough to shock Jared out of his stupor. "Jen," he responds, disbelief and fury warring in his tone, "I did decide. I offered myself to you twice. You rejected me, twice."
"I know," and suddenly Jensen sounds so desperate. "God, Jay, I know, and I know I hurt you, but please, you have to believe me. It damn near killed me to say no to you, you can't do this to me-"
"Can't-what? What are you talking about?" Jared asks, floundering.
"Jeff told me that you'd found someone else," Jensen says in a rush, and his hand drops to fist in Jared's shirt. His eyes are pleading. "Last week, when you called him. I couldn't- I can't let you, Jay."
Misha. He's talking about Misha, and Jared's half-joking comment to his brother, and if anything could make Jared feel worse at this moment it's being reminded of that. "Jeff told you," Jared says slowly, trying to work out what Jensen's getting at. "What do you mean, you can't let me?"
"Moron," Jensen says roughly, and gives him a little shake. "I would have claimed you the day I met you if your momma hadn't sent me packing. I'd never felt the urge that strongly before. Jesus, it was crazy how much I wanted you."
It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. "Then, why? Jensen, why?"
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"It was your father."
Of all the possible answers Jared has thought of over the years, this is one option that has honestly never occurred to him. "My… dad?" he repeats, stunned.
Jensen flattened his hand across Jared's chest and slid it upwards, until his palm rested at the base of Jared's throat. "He talked to me, after that first time. He's always wanted more for you than he had, Jay, your mom claiming him so young. I wanted more for you, too. I wanted to explain, but you disappeared so quickly I never got the chance. After that, I figured… I thought I'd hurt you enough. I thought it would be better for you if I let you do what you wanted. But," and here Jensen caught Jared's eyes and held them, his own eyes fever-bright and fervent, "Jay, please. I know I don't deserve another chance, but I can't lose you. I love you."
"You… love me?" Jared parrots dumbly back, because it's almost too much information to take in at once: Jensen's here, Jensen was waiting, Jensen loves him, Jensen, Jensen, Jensen.
He finally lets himself slump forward until his head is resting on the other man's shoulder, and Jensen braces himself against the extra weight with a low grunt, wrapping his arms around Jared without hesitation. His grip is so tight it almost hurts.
"Damn. Swear you got even bigger."
"Two inches," Jared mumbles, nuzzling further into Jensen's neck and breathing him in. "Say it again."
"I'll do better."
The Dom lets go of him to fumble something out of his jacket pocket. It's a dark wooden case, too long and thin for a ring, Jared notes with a kind of detached shock.
"I've been carrying this for three years," Jensen says with the tiniest of catches in his voice, and opens the case.
Jared stares down at the slim leather band lying in Jensen's hands. It's finely tooled and lined with bloodred silk, and it's making Jared's knees shake just looking at it.
"Oh, God," he says faintly, and Jensen laughs a little brokenly.
Right there, onto wet cement and dead leaves, Jared Padalecki goes to his knees for Jensen Ackles. It's the third time.
Jensen's fingers (they're trembling almost violently, and Jared thinks, I love you, I love you) slide the collar into place around his neck, fastening it at the back. It's the first time.
It fits perfectly.
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Thank you for the fill :D
Let me know when you will have the sequel too, I will add the link for it to the List if fills :D
*goes to read*
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Also, just fyi, I'm adding it to j2-recs. <3
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I really hope to see the sequel someday!!
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