you will forever own my heart::
'Something happened yesterday, and I really can't take this anymore. Ever since I was 9 years old I have felt like shit and I have tried suicide so many times but obviously it never worked. Everything just feels like shit, and so what if there are a few happy moments in between? It never takes the tragedy away. I'm so fucking sick of everything, I just want to leave right now. There's really nothing else I have anymore...no, I am not the best writer. Writing does not get me anywhere. I don't have that for me. I hate complaining, but it's gotten so much worse. It used to be that I still saw a bit of hope each day, but now I come home from school and just cut. Yesterday I slept for 12 hours because I don't have motivation anymore for anything. I don't feel like doing anything, I just sleep now. Just think about it -- what is the point of living when you have NOTHING to look forward to, and you're just trying to live through each day? At least I don't have to eat. Maybe I will die pretty and thin. That's the only thing I want now.
Don't tell me that I have things going for myself, because I know I don't. If people aren't good at academics, they have other things for them. They have an area that they are really focused on and care so much about, and that is what is going to keep them going. I have nothing, my life is so worthless it's not even funny. I'm such a horrible and selfish person inside...that is why I cannot stop cutting. I just want the outside to match the inside - rotten and disgusting. Seriously, I know how I am...I've had to live with myself for 17 fucking years. I think it's been long enough...I really can't say anymore how I'm feeling.
No, this is not a suicide threat. Knowing myself, I probably won't have the guts to commit suicide otherwise I wouldn't be typing this right now. I think that suicide is the most selfish and stupid thing a person can do, but often I really do think I'm going to give in.'
Don't tell me that I have things going for myself, because I know I don't. If people aren't good at academics, they have other things for them. They have an area that they are really focused on and care so much about, and that is what is going to keep them going. I have nothing, my life is so worthless it's not even funny. I'm such a horrible and selfish person inside...that is why I cannot stop cutting. I just want the outside to match the inside - rotten and disgusting. Seriously, I know how I am...I've had to live with myself for 17 fucking years. I think it's been long enough...I really can't say anymore how I'm feeling.
No, this is not a suicide threat. Knowing myself, I probably won't have the guts to commit suicide otherwise I wouldn't be typing this right now. I think that suicide is the most selfish and stupid thing a person can do, but often I really do think I'm going to give in.'