Uigh
If you thought that me in the middle of an emotional breakdown was pathetic, then strap yourself in because there is so much more.
Right now I have to worry about the state of my heart: I've developed an arrhythmia in my heartbeat and I have to deal with the incredible pain very time it beats. Which, of course, has lead me to question exactly why it hurts so bad, and I've come up with an unsurprising and pathetic explanation: I really want something to be sweet to. Openly sweet. I want to buy nice presents for something and know it makes them happy.
Hence me waiting so patiently for a cat. When my roommates finish university (will I? Who knows) we are going to look for a place that allows pets, and I will have something that won't resent me wanton to dote upon it. Food? Presents? Clothes? Doctors appointments? Snuggles? Please. Let me.
My mothers idea of appreciation is killing herself for my benefit. My father has no idea how to deal with someone who isn't 100% happy all the time. Every romantic relationship I've been in ended because of: Their fucked up guilt over being in a a relationship, distance, or lack of interest...I have this wealth of surplus affection that is stagnating and seriously bumming me out.
Love myself? Please. I already spoil myself, and I can tell you that it doesn't compare with the opportunity to make a whole other person feel happy.
I want a cat. I want to be a fucked up cat lady who dotes upon and dresses up and leave her wordily belonging to her cats. I want something to be sweet to. As of this moment I play pokémon (yeah, you read that right) way more than any grown ass adult should because I want to just...care for some shit. They're pixels, and I want to love them because fuck.
I hate being an animal. The day we can replace out biology with machinery I will be at the front I the line to replace everything. Until then, I'm going to writhe in pain and dream of a cat.
Why do I even have friends? Did you read at of that? Gross.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
Right now I have to worry about the state of my heart: I've developed an arrhythmia in my heartbeat and I have to deal with the incredible pain very time it beats. Which, of course, has lead me to question exactly why it hurts so bad, and I've come up with an unsurprising and pathetic explanation: I really want something to be sweet to. Openly sweet. I want to buy nice presents for something and know it makes them happy.
Hence me waiting so patiently for a cat. When my roommates finish university (will I? Who knows) we are going to look for a place that allows pets, and I will have something that won't resent me wanton to dote upon it. Food? Presents? Clothes? Doctors appointments? Snuggles? Please. Let me.
My mothers idea of appreciation is killing herself for my benefit. My father has no idea how to deal with someone who isn't 100% happy all the time. Every romantic relationship I've been in ended because of: Their fucked up guilt over being in a a relationship, distance, or lack of interest...I have this wealth of surplus affection that is stagnating and seriously bumming me out.
Love myself? Please. I already spoil myself, and I can tell you that it doesn't compare with the opportunity to make a whole other person feel happy.
I want a cat. I want to be a fucked up cat lady who dotes upon and dresses up and leave her wordily belonging to her cats. I want something to be sweet to. As of this moment I play pokémon (yeah, you read that right) way more than any grown ass adult should because I want to just...care for some shit. They're pixels, and I want to love them because fuck.
I hate being an animal. The day we can replace out biology with machinery I will be at the front I the line to replace everything. Until then, I'm going to writhe in pain and dream of a cat.
Why do I even have friends? Did you read at of that? Gross.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.