not to get theoretical, but...

[digitalle]

I had a very bizarre realization that monogamy norms have hurt everyone I know. I wish my mom had had other lovers to help her out during her divorces, and had been able to be with the photographer at her old job who she still talks about wistfully. I wish my grandpa had other lovers to show him how awesome he is when my grandma is being a bitch. I

Comments

[mizivy]

I was in an open relationship in my first marriage, and a theoretically open one my second. I exercised the option in the first, and chose not to in the second (for all the wrong reasons- mostly based in fear). I have always felt that the *expectation* of monogamy (as a social norm) *was* fear-driven... "what if he/she finds someone 'better' than me?" seems to be the main reason for that kind of monogamy. So what you say is true (although in some of your examples, a good close friend might suffice) as far as I can see. I'm in the curious position now of wanting monogamy because anything else *feels* wrong on a level I can't clearly express. Perhaps it is finally being with my soulmate, but I just can't imagine intimacy with anyone but him (and vice-versa). Not because we're afraid of anyone being "better than", but because we realize pretty intensely that no one could be, and we choose each other.

This is obviously something I've been pondering of late, because I have always been someone who kept my options open sexually, and suddenly, that is generally unappetizing...

[digitalle]

I'm doing a lot of internal comparisons in the other direction - comparing who I was and how I felt when I was monogamous to where I'm at now. I was absolutely fearful of losing partners, even HighSchoolBoyfriend who I didn't love and cheated on a lot.

I imagine you're in a strange position, but as long as it's something you choose rather than getting driven into, power to you! :D