(no subject)
So November started off as a nightmare. I couldn't even sleep in after the long night into early morning with my darling Rikki Tikki Tavi because I'd promised to do the spa thing with my mother-in-law and Auntie R. and Julee which had then had been amended to include my mum and Maddy after my mum had kicked up such a fuss at being excluded. From what I could gather, Auntie S had been invited to go too but she'd turned it down since she needed to take a meeting about her upcoming Chrimble charity show. In retrospect, she was very very smart to avoid going.
Luckily the spa was just outside of London so it wasn't a very long drive but we were due to leave around noon which meant not very much sleep for me. I reckoned that since it was supposed to be a day and night of relaxation, no one would notice if I did fall asleep during the massage or the seaweed wrap or the herbal facial but still, it wasn't much fun actually getting up and packing an overnight bag when all I wanted to do was sleep. The lack of sleep certainly didn't help my mood. Originally I was rather looking forward to things but after my mum started her poor pitiful me act on us, I really considered cancelling out. The only problem with that plan is that it would've just made things worse. So in the end, I went, half-asleep. The car picked me up -- it was a nice stretch limo filled with things that were way too healthy for us all -- unfortunately relaxing at these sort of places means detoxing everything so there was sparkling spring water and fresh vegetables and dried fruit (organic, of course) and very little else. I think Julee was the only one who was really happy with it since it meant she didn't have to sit and watch us drink while she couldn't (although she's already admitted to me that she's going to allow herself the odd glass of wine since her doctor has said it's fine to have a glass from time to time. So glad that she's not turning into one of those terrifying Pregnancy Nazis...besides, considering the sort of things our assorted mums and aunties were ingesting at various points of their assorted pregnancies, wine is the least of all evils).
Mum was way too solicitous to Julee for the journey there and most of our doings in the afternoon. She seemed a bit cool towards me which I couldn't fathom as I couldn't think of anything terrible that I'd done to her at Auntie R's party. I've found that when she gets into one of her moods, it's best to just ignore her rather than confront her. Besides, we were there to relax rather than row so it just seemed best to pretend she wasn't giving me the cold shoulder for crimes unyet revealed.
Things went fairly smoothly through dinner -- again, all vegetarian fare with fresh fruit and vegetable juices. Actually quite nice over all, as it was quasi Asian. Everyone seemed in good spirits and Julee, of course, was just glowing. At some point Robs rang her to let her know how the boys were doing at their convention. It sounded as if they'd hit the bar something fierce which was no surprise considering everything. After he'd rung off, the shit began to hit the fan. First my mum started making little barbed comments about why Rick hadn't rung me or asked to speak with me whilst he was with Robby....she wondered if we'd had another row since it wouldn't have surprised her in the least. Auntie Em made a joke about how, if we had, it would just prove I was my mother's daughter. I know she meant it kindly so I took no offence. Of course Mum did. She then switched tactics and started fussing over Julee as if she was the only other woman in the room who'd ever had a baby. Auntie R. looked over at me in sympathy over that bit while I could tell the whole sitch was making Julee feel badly in general.
Then came the comments about how she (Mum) was the only one in the room was wasn't a granny yet even though she had the eldest daughter out of all the Dames and she hoped that Julee would allow her to be a good great-aunt despite that as Robby was her favourite nephew (no offence to any of the other boys, of course).
"Perhaps the reason K. isn't pregnant yet is that she's had the good sense to wait until she's bloody well ready," Auntie R. responded. "At least she's not jumping the gun like Caro."
"K. will never be ready to have children," Mum gave me a dirty look. "She'll always have an excuse to avoid it. If only to vex me."
"Mum, I'm not avoiding having kids just to make you upset," I snapped. "Rick and I just don't want to rush into parenthood..."
"Like you didn't want to rush into marriage either?" she added archly. "You've been legally married since August and you still haven't had a proper ceremony...or gotten rings. Or a house"
"I think there've been other things on their minds," Auntie Em reminded her. "K's certainly had her hands full workwise and so has Eric...."
"If her marriage was really that important to her, she'd have found time for poor Rick. Really, M, considering you're his mother one would think you'd understand where I'm coming from. Rick's a lovely boy -- he doesn't deserve to be treated so shabbily..."
"He's not being treated shabbily!"
"Then why was he ready to walk out on you less than a month ago?"
"That's between the two of us! Not to mention the fact that I thought you were on my side in all of that. At least it seemed that way considering the way you tore into him at Caro's wedding." She really had some bloody cheek making any comments about the state of my marriage considering what she and Dad went through for about 5 long and painful years.
"Well, of course I was going to be supportive of you, K. No man is going to walk out on my daughter without hearing about it from me...but I'd hardly think you were innocent in the situation."
"Thank you so bloody much, Mum."
"It's not like you've had a good track record in the past..."
"Excuse me for not marrying the first man who tried to get a leg over...like you."
"Your father and I were...ARE...very much in love."
"Well, so are Rick and I. But unlike you, we've got a lot more baggage to deal with thanks to our collective pasts...and parents." I looked over at Auntie Em, hoping she wouldn't be offended.
"There you go, blaming me and your father again for the way you've run your life. As if you ever listened to a single word either of us ever told you."
"Maybe there are valid reasons why I stopped trying to do things your way..."
"And you've done so well on your own, haven't you?"
"Our K's done very well for herself," Auntie R interceded. "To listen to you, A, you'd think that the only accomplishment of worth is popping out babies like a broken Coke machine."
"What would you know?" she sniffed. "You've got a beautiful granddaughter already and now another one on the way..."
"And I would still love Jas and Rob just as much if they never chose to be parents. Well, as much as I can love Jas, that is." Unfortunately Auntie R's joke didn't lighten the mood as my mother was clearly planning on having her say regardless of what anyone else thought. She launched in another tirade -- I just tuned out most of it because it was the same old rant I've heard for years. Blah blah blah selfish thoughtless blah blah blah bloody blah. Honestly, I thought we'd gotten past a lot of this after the Really Bad Thing happened and we worked together on a project together but somehow, she'd just snapped back into her old mindset again. Then she made the mistake of bringing up Ev and how I'd driven him away too and she wouldn't be surprised if I eventually managed to do the same to Rick. That was the proverbial final straw and I really snapped. I started shouting at her and reminding her just why Ev. (probably the most self-absorbed creature on this planet aside from my cousin Cam) decided to walk out of our live-in relationship -- because I was too busy playing nursemaid to her and Dad after the Really Bad Thing to tend to him and his needs. That a 20 yr old blonde with implanted boobs and a penchant for anal sex suited his pathetic needs than I ever could, esp. in the ego-worshipping department. I said a few other choice things and then capped it off with "Maybe if you hadn't been so selfish and gotten yourself beaten up by an intruder and Dad nearly murdered, I might've found time to give you the grandchild you're so desperate for."
In retrospect, it wasn't the nicest thing in the world to say and of course I didn't mean it. The thing is we're not supposed to talk about the Really Bad Thing, even nearly 4 years later because it was so horrible and unbelievable. It's just that I was so sick of being told what crap I was, esp. after doing my utmost to keep her and Dad together once it happened (not by myself, of course - Gods know what would've happened if my brother hadn't been there too) and certainly keeping everyone together afterwards. Not to mention the hypocrisy of her going on about babies and marriage as if it was the only important thing in the world a woman could do -- this from someone who had done a lot more in her life than most do. Yes, she managed to get married at 19 and have me at almost 21 and do so much more besides but isn't that the point? That she did do it all?
At any rate, after that little barb escaped, there was no turning back. Mum burst into tears and everyone else was left in stunned silence, not sure what to do or say. I pushed back my chair and stormed back to my room, somewhat grateful that no one actually tried to stop me. I heard Auntie R. shouting at my mum (nothing new there, really -- Auntie R is always telling my mum what an unbelievable pillock she is) but didn't bother to say another word. When I got to my room, I locked the door, turned off the phone and decided I wasn't going to deal with anyone else for the rest of the evening. I did put in a call or two to Rick on the off chance that he was actually available but he was obviously having a good time with the menfolk and wasn't home yet or answering his mobile. I felt like a plank about things anyway -- so I just left a neutral message telling him Mum was making me a bit nuts but things were otherwise well, that I missed him and that I'd see him on Sunday night. I really didn't want to vent to an ansaphone and I also didn't want him worrying about me or rushing here to take me away from the madness when he was off having a good time. That was hardly fair. So I just indulged in my own form of herbal healing, turned out the lights and fell asleep. Unfortunately, it was hardly a good one.
Luckily the spa was just outside of London so it wasn't a very long drive but we were due to leave around noon which meant not very much sleep for me. I reckoned that since it was supposed to be a day and night of relaxation, no one would notice if I did fall asleep during the massage or the seaweed wrap or the herbal facial but still, it wasn't much fun actually getting up and packing an overnight bag when all I wanted to do was sleep. The lack of sleep certainly didn't help my mood. Originally I was rather looking forward to things but after my mum started her poor pitiful me act on us, I really considered cancelling out. The only problem with that plan is that it would've just made things worse. So in the end, I went, half-asleep. The car picked me up -- it was a nice stretch limo filled with things that were way too healthy for us all -- unfortunately relaxing at these sort of places means detoxing everything so there was sparkling spring water and fresh vegetables and dried fruit (organic, of course) and very little else. I think Julee was the only one who was really happy with it since it meant she didn't have to sit and watch us drink while she couldn't (although she's already admitted to me that she's going to allow herself the odd glass of wine since her doctor has said it's fine to have a glass from time to time. So glad that she's not turning into one of those terrifying Pregnancy Nazis...besides, considering the sort of things our assorted mums and aunties were ingesting at various points of their assorted pregnancies, wine is the least of all evils).
Mum was way too solicitous to Julee for the journey there and most of our doings in the afternoon. She seemed a bit cool towards me which I couldn't fathom as I couldn't think of anything terrible that I'd done to her at Auntie R's party. I've found that when she gets into one of her moods, it's best to just ignore her rather than confront her. Besides, we were there to relax rather than row so it just seemed best to pretend she wasn't giving me the cold shoulder for crimes unyet revealed.
Things went fairly smoothly through dinner -- again, all vegetarian fare with fresh fruit and vegetable juices. Actually quite nice over all, as it was quasi Asian. Everyone seemed in good spirits and Julee, of course, was just glowing. At some point Robs rang her to let her know how the boys were doing at their convention. It sounded as if they'd hit the bar something fierce which was no surprise considering everything. After he'd rung off, the shit began to hit the fan. First my mum started making little barbed comments about why Rick hadn't rung me or asked to speak with me whilst he was with Robby....she wondered if we'd had another row since it wouldn't have surprised her in the least. Auntie Em made a joke about how, if we had, it would just prove I was my mother's daughter. I know she meant it kindly so I took no offence. Of course Mum did. She then switched tactics and started fussing over Julee as if she was the only other woman in the room who'd ever had a baby. Auntie R. looked over at me in sympathy over that bit while I could tell the whole sitch was making Julee feel badly in general.
Then came the comments about how she (Mum) was the only one in the room was wasn't a granny yet even though she had the eldest daughter out of all the Dames and she hoped that Julee would allow her to be a good great-aunt despite that as Robby was her favourite nephew (no offence to any of the other boys, of course).
"Perhaps the reason K. isn't pregnant yet is that she's had the good sense to wait until she's bloody well ready," Auntie R. responded. "At least she's not jumping the gun like Caro."
"K. will never be ready to have children," Mum gave me a dirty look. "She'll always have an excuse to avoid it. If only to vex me."
"Mum, I'm not avoiding having kids just to make you upset," I snapped. "Rick and I just don't want to rush into parenthood..."
"Like you didn't want to rush into marriage either?" she added archly. "You've been legally married since August and you still haven't had a proper ceremony...or gotten rings. Or a house"
"I think there've been other things on their minds," Auntie Em reminded her. "K's certainly had her hands full workwise and so has Eric...."
"If her marriage was really that important to her, she'd have found time for poor Rick. Really, M, considering you're his mother one would think you'd understand where I'm coming from. Rick's a lovely boy -- he doesn't deserve to be treated so shabbily..."
"He's not being treated shabbily!"
"Then why was he ready to walk out on you less than a month ago?"
"That's between the two of us! Not to mention the fact that I thought you were on my side in all of that. At least it seemed that way considering the way you tore into him at Caro's wedding." She really had some bloody cheek making any comments about the state of my marriage considering what she and Dad went through for about 5 long and painful years.
"Well, of course I was going to be supportive of you, K. No man is going to walk out on my daughter without hearing about it from me...but I'd hardly think you were innocent in the situation."
"Thank you so bloody much, Mum."
"It's not like you've had a good track record in the past..."
"Excuse me for not marrying the first man who tried to get a leg over...like you."
"Your father and I were...ARE...very much in love."
"Well, so are Rick and I. But unlike you, we've got a lot more baggage to deal with thanks to our collective pasts...and parents." I looked over at Auntie Em, hoping she wouldn't be offended.
"There you go, blaming me and your father again for the way you've run your life. As if you ever listened to a single word either of us ever told you."
"Maybe there are valid reasons why I stopped trying to do things your way..."
"And you've done so well on your own, haven't you?"
"Our K's done very well for herself," Auntie R interceded. "To listen to you, A, you'd think that the only accomplishment of worth is popping out babies like a broken Coke machine."
"What would you know?" she sniffed. "You've got a beautiful granddaughter already and now another one on the way..."
"And I would still love Jas and Rob just as much if they never chose to be parents. Well, as much as I can love Jas, that is." Unfortunately Auntie R's joke didn't lighten the mood as my mother was clearly planning on having her say regardless of what anyone else thought. She launched in another tirade -- I just tuned out most of it because it was the same old rant I've heard for years. Blah blah blah selfish thoughtless blah blah blah bloody blah. Honestly, I thought we'd gotten past a lot of this after the Really Bad Thing happened and we worked together on a project together but somehow, she'd just snapped back into her old mindset again. Then she made the mistake of bringing up Ev and how I'd driven him away too and she wouldn't be surprised if I eventually managed to do the same to Rick. That was the proverbial final straw and I really snapped. I started shouting at her and reminding her just why Ev. (probably the most self-absorbed creature on this planet aside from my cousin Cam) decided to walk out of our live-in relationship -- because I was too busy playing nursemaid to her and Dad after the Really Bad Thing to tend to him and his needs. That a 20 yr old blonde with implanted boobs and a penchant for anal sex suited his pathetic needs than I ever could, esp. in the ego-worshipping department. I said a few other choice things and then capped it off with "Maybe if you hadn't been so selfish and gotten yourself beaten up by an intruder and Dad nearly murdered, I might've found time to give you the grandchild you're so desperate for."
In retrospect, it wasn't the nicest thing in the world to say and of course I didn't mean it. The thing is we're not supposed to talk about the Really Bad Thing, even nearly 4 years later because it was so horrible and unbelievable. It's just that I was so sick of being told what crap I was, esp. after doing my utmost to keep her and Dad together once it happened (not by myself, of course - Gods know what would've happened if my brother hadn't been there too) and certainly keeping everyone together afterwards. Not to mention the hypocrisy of her going on about babies and marriage as if it was the only important thing in the world a woman could do -- this from someone who had done a lot more in her life than most do. Yes, she managed to get married at 19 and have me at almost 21 and do so much more besides but isn't that the point? That she did do it all?
At any rate, after that little barb escaped, there was no turning back. Mum burst into tears and everyone else was left in stunned silence, not sure what to do or say. I pushed back my chair and stormed back to my room, somewhat grateful that no one actually tried to stop me. I heard Auntie R. shouting at my mum (nothing new there, really -- Auntie R is always telling my mum what an unbelievable pillock she is) but didn't bother to say another word. When I got to my room, I locked the door, turned off the phone and decided I wasn't going to deal with anyone else for the rest of the evening. I did put in a call or two to Rick on the off chance that he was actually available but he was obviously having a good time with the menfolk and wasn't home yet or answering his mobile. I felt like a plank about things anyway -- so I just left a neutral message telling him Mum was making me a bit nuts but things were otherwise well, that I missed him and that I'd see him on Sunday night. I really didn't want to vent to an ansaphone and I also didn't want him worrying about me or rushing here to take me away from the madness when he was off having a good time. That was hardly fair. So I just indulged in my own form of herbal healing, turned out the lights and fell asleep. Unfortunately, it was hardly a good one.