(no subject)
We had our last show last night. Rick and I had barely spoken to one another since our little whatever it is you want to call it happened the night before. We didn't fight persay -- just were cordial but cold to one another. I could see he was desperate to get past that bit but since I didn't want to discuss it, he took a leaf from my book and kept me at arms length as much as I was keeping him. Breakfast was awkward, the trip up North even more so since we were also trying very hard not to let the problems show on the way. My dad, as always, picked up the tense vibes and took it upon himself to talk to Rick at some point. No doubt it was another "okay, what the fuck is wrong with my daughter this week?" discussion. No idea what was said. I didn't ask.
Well, we got up to Sacramento, did the show, went to bed without saying much to one another. Ditto yesterday morning through the evening. I hardly saw much of him anyway since he was busy hobknobbing with the Bombs and playing rock star for a day (more like a week or two -- not that I mind, it's rather good to see him more comfortable doing what he ought to be doing rather than hiding behind a book or something). I was a bit down though as it would've been nice to spend the last night of the tour together in the Booth since that was sort of our Sanctum Sanctorum once we sorted out our assorted problems last Spring -- I couldn't say anything since I'd have just sounded like a brat whingeing on about it. Still, it was bittersweet watching him out there with the Bombs having a good time, looking so adorable in his mod suits (which reminds me, I ought to mention I saw this gorgeous plum on plum velvet Calvin Klein single breasted mod-style suit in a recent issue of New York Magazine that would look ace on him....) while I was stuck in the booth with my bro handling the sound stuff, feeling like Cinderella or whathaveyou. It seemed like the partying was starting in the dressing room way before the show started judging by the somewhat sloppy final show the Dames put on and I don't know whether or not the supporting players were involved but Dhan and I had to remain professional throughout.
After the show, the Dames etc. all seemed to have skipped out early in order to continue their partying at Casa de Rick's Familia. I had to stay late and supervise the breakdown of all the tech equipment because in theory I'm responsible for it and it has to go back to the tech hire place very soon. Dhan was a dear and helped take apart the sound boards...I was getting very tetchy in general though as it really did feel like I was the only one left in the place. It wouldn't have been so terrible if it had been Rick and me. We'd have made a game of it. Probably even gotten up to some last night mischief in the booth just to end it on a positive note...but he wasn't there. I was under the mixing banks, on my hands and knees trying to pull out some patch cords when I heard Dhan talking to someone. I thought it was one of the camera guys still hanging about so I kept on pulling cords. Until I felt someone's hand on my bottom at which point, I scrambled out from under the console, prepared to give someone a good thumping.
It was Eric.
Of course, my bastard brother thought it was hysterical -- he was just standing there laughing like a fucking hyenae while Rick had a shit eating grin on his face. He'd definitely been drinking before he arrived. He'd also changed into something more casual; a button down shirt and jeans. I told him to piss off while Dhan and I finished our work but he wouldn't listen. He offered to help us get everything packed up so we could get out of there all the faster and join in the festivities in Pacific Heights. I couldn't really argue with that logic although I did say something about not thinking anyone was in any particular rush to see me that night. I was honestly considering blowing the whole bash out and just going to bed. Well, I would have if we weren't also staying at his mum's house so it would've been too bloody awkward to not show my face at all.
Rick did help quite a lot, all the while finding ways of teasing me or flirting with me at every given opportunity. I couldn't exactly tell him to stop in front of Dhan and even when I did try to get him to behave, he didn't listen. I don't quite buy the "I was too drunk to accept it" bit but that's his story and he's sticking to it. While he wasn't quite as slushy as he had been two nights before, he did manage to get in some good gropes and touches when my brother wasn't looking. I did want to throttle him but it wasn't the time or the place and besides, he knows what I like and where...so it wasn't exactly the most horrible feeling in the world.
We finally got packed up and out of there, Rick had made sure there was a car waiting to take us back to his mum's. The three of us crowded into the back seat of the hired car. My darling husband made sure to keep up his amorous behaviour in the dark -- I hope poor Dhan didn't realise what was going on next to him, although by the way he was fixated on looking out his window, I suspect he had some idea.
The party was in full swing by the time we got there. Dames and Sirs and husbands and other Cubs were already in full partying mode with substances both legal and not. Auntie S plied me with drink while Auntie R shared some herbal jazz cigarettes with me...and I relaxed a bit and things didn't seem so nasty or dire. Rick seemed happy to see me in that condition -- he certainly couldn't keep his hands off me and at a certain point, I was fargone enough to reciprocate (not that I hadn't wanted to before but anger and then embarrassment because of the anger kept me away form him). Shortly thereafter, someone (probably my brother) told us we should get a room and Auntie Em said very loudly "Well, they have one!" Rick took that as a hint and announced he was taking his bride to bed. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me up to our room and locked the door.
I thought the whole thing was incredibly funny and couldn't stop laughing. Luckily, so did he. We lay back on the bed, giggling like fiends for what seemed like ages. Then he pointed out that we were in his parents bedroom (his mum being kind enough to give us the double bed while she camped out in C's room) and we started theorising on just what might have gone on in there. Rick was a bit grossed out by it all and started ranting a bit about how naughty his parents were (and not quiet about it either)...he started going through drawers to illustrate his point but then he actually got intrigued by some of the bondage acoutrements and the next thing I knew, he had me bound to the headboard in a pair of leather wrist restraints. He must've sobered up a bit by then because then he proceeded to spend quite a long time making love to me, quite proud of himself for getting me into a position (or two, or three, or four...) where he'd have full access to all of me without having to worry that I was going to throw him out of bed again. For the record, I did protest just a little bit which only turned him on more, of course and made him more insistent and a bit rough (on purpose!) so we both got what we wanted/needed out of it.
Needless to say, it went on for a very long time and if I'm lucky, my mother-in-law was either out cold, listening to music or just not bothered by the nois coming from her bedroom. We got a lot of stress out of the way although we still haven't discussed the C. problem, nor are we going to as far as I'm concerned. At one point, Rick very sincerely asked me if I still loved him which struck me as very sad... I spose my bheaviour of late could lead him to question my feelings about him. I sometimes forget that he's not the most secure person in relationships either. I reassured him in every way possible that I was still in love with him and it seemed to have been accepted as truth. He told me he didn't know what he'd do without me in his life -- he got rather hurt when I joked "have a lot less angst all around". I know he loves me -- it's just hard to deal with the C issue, knowing that I'm the reason all of this mess happened to start with and that he still might be forced to chose sides in the future.
Anyway, today was a lot more relaxed and we flew down to L.A. for Mac's birthday party which wasn't nearly as debauched as the party the night before...and we're both so knackered that we're actually going to turn in early (or at least attempt to...not sure if sleep is the first thing on either of our agendas). I guess the only way to find out is to actually go to bed.
Well, we got up to Sacramento, did the show, went to bed without saying much to one another. Ditto yesterday morning through the evening. I hardly saw much of him anyway since he was busy hobknobbing with the Bombs and playing rock star for a day (more like a week or two -- not that I mind, it's rather good to see him more comfortable doing what he ought to be doing rather than hiding behind a book or something). I was a bit down though as it would've been nice to spend the last night of the tour together in the Booth since that was sort of our Sanctum Sanctorum once we sorted out our assorted problems last Spring -- I couldn't say anything since I'd have just sounded like a brat whingeing on about it. Still, it was bittersweet watching him out there with the Bombs having a good time, looking so adorable in his mod suits (which reminds me, I ought to mention I saw this gorgeous plum on plum velvet Calvin Klein single breasted mod-style suit in a recent issue of New York Magazine that would look ace on him....) while I was stuck in the booth with my bro handling the sound stuff, feeling like Cinderella or whathaveyou. It seemed like the partying was starting in the dressing room way before the show started judging by the somewhat sloppy final show the Dames put on and I don't know whether or not the supporting players were involved but Dhan and I had to remain professional throughout.
After the show, the Dames etc. all seemed to have skipped out early in order to continue their partying at Casa de Rick's Familia. I had to stay late and supervise the breakdown of all the tech equipment because in theory I'm responsible for it and it has to go back to the tech hire place very soon. Dhan was a dear and helped take apart the sound boards...I was getting very tetchy in general though as it really did feel like I was the only one left in the place. It wouldn't have been so terrible if it had been Rick and me. We'd have made a game of it. Probably even gotten up to some last night mischief in the booth just to end it on a positive note...but he wasn't there. I was under the mixing banks, on my hands and knees trying to pull out some patch cords when I heard Dhan talking to someone. I thought it was one of the camera guys still hanging about so I kept on pulling cords. Until I felt someone's hand on my bottom at which point, I scrambled out from under the console, prepared to give someone a good thumping.
It was Eric.
Of course, my bastard brother thought it was hysterical -- he was just standing there laughing like a fucking hyenae while Rick had a shit eating grin on his face. He'd definitely been drinking before he arrived. He'd also changed into something more casual; a button down shirt and jeans. I told him to piss off while Dhan and I finished our work but he wouldn't listen. He offered to help us get everything packed up so we could get out of there all the faster and join in the festivities in Pacific Heights. I couldn't really argue with that logic although I did say something about not thinking anyone was in any particular rush to see me that night. I was honestly considering blowing the whole bash out and just going to bed. Well, I would have if we weren't also staying at his mum's house so it would've been too bloody awkward to not show my face at all.
Rick did help quite a lot, all the while finding ways of teasing me or flirting with me at every given opportunity. I couldn't exactly tell him to stop in front of Dhan and even when I did try to get him to behave, he didn't listen. I don't quite buy the "I was too drunk to accept it" bit but that's his story and he's sticking to it. While he wasn't quite as slushy as he had been two nights before, he did manage to get in some good gropes and touches when my brother wasn't looking. I did want to throttle him but it wasn't the time or the place and besides, he knows what I like and where...so it wasn't exactly the most horrible feeling in the world.
We finally got packed up and out of there, Rick had made sure there was a car waiting to take us back to his mum's. The three of us crowded into the back seat of the hired car. My darling husband made sure to keep up his amorous behaviour in the dark -- I hope poor Dhan didn't realise what was going on next to him, although by the way he was fixated on looking out his window, I suspect he had some idea.
The party was in full swing by the time we got there. Dames and Sirs and husbands and other Cubs were already in full partying mode with substances both legal and not. Auntie S plied me with drink while Auntie R shared some herbal jazz cigarettes with me...and I relaxed a bit and things didn't seem so nasty or dire. Rick seemed happy to see me in that condition -- he certainly couldn't keep his hands off me and at a certain point, I was fargone enough to reciprocate (not that I hadn't wanted to before but anger and then embarrassment because of the anger kept me away form him). Shortly thereafter, someone (probably my brother) told us we should get a room and Auntie Em said very loudly "Well, they have one!" Rick took that as a hint and announced he was taking his bride to bed. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me up to our room and locked the door.
I thought the whole thing was incredibly funny and couldn't stop laughing. Luckily, so did he. We lay back on the bed, giggling like fiends for what seemed like ages. Then he pointed out that we were in his parents bedroom (his mum being kind enough to give us the double bed while she camped out in C's room) and we started theorising on just what might have gone on in there. Rick was a bit grossed out by it all and started ranting a bit about how naughty his parents were (and not quiet about it either)...he started going through drawers to illustrate his point but then he actually got intrigued by some of the bondage acoutrements and the next thing I knew, he had me bound to the headboard in a pair of leather wrist restraints. He must've sobered up a bit by then because then he proceeded to spend quite a long time making love to me, quite proud of himself for getting me into a position (or two, or three, or four...) where he'd have full access to all of me without having to worry that I was going to throw him out of bed again. For the record, I did protest just a little bit which only turned him on more, of course and made him more insistent and a bit rough (on purpose!) so we both got what we wanted/needed out of it.
Needless to say, it went on for a very long time and if I'm lucky, my mother-in-law was either out cold, listening to music or just not bothered by the nois coming from her bedroom. We got a lot of stress out of the way although we still haven't discussed the C. problem, nor are we going to as far as I'm concerned. At one point, Rick very sincerely asked me if I still loved him which struck me as very sad... I spose my bheaviour of late could lead him to question my feelings about him. I sometimes forget that he's not the most secure person in relationships either. I reassured him in every way possible that I was still in love with him and it seemed to have been accepted as truth. He told me he didn't know what he'd do without me in his life -- he got rather hurt when I joked "have a lot less angst all around". I know he loves me -- it's just hard to deal with the C issue, knowing that I'm the reason all of this mess happened to start with and that he still might be forced to chose sides in the future.
Anyway, today was a lot more relaxed and we flew down to L.A. for Mac's birthday party which wasn't nearly as debauched as the party the night before...and we're both so knackered that we're actually going to turn in early (or at least attempt to...not sure if sleep is the first thing on either of our agendas). I guess the only way to find out is to actually go to bed.