Women Fandom Hates - Day 1 [Terra]
Title: The path of heroism
Fandom: Teen Titans (animated)
Notes: Written for day one of the Women Fandom Hates - Love Fest comm.
Let's talk about Terra, fandom.
Specifically, let's talk about Terra and heroism.
My first post for this girl will be meta-discussion, and it includes spoilers through the series finale and her Titans Go! comic appearances, so buckle up.
Terra's backstory is explained in the tie-in comic, in which we learn that she and her brother, Brion (Geoforce) grew up as the crown prince and princess of Markovia, and throughout her time there she was confused on who she was and her future and everything, and how they were experimented on and exploited, giving them their earth-based powers. We have Brion, who was able to fight these people off, and Terra, who had a hard time controlling her powers, for reasons that I assume have to do with her own insecurities and confusion. She runs, afraid of hurting those she cares about...and then we get to the show.
From the get-go, we learn -- through Slade -- that Terra has caused more than a few natural disasters through her inability to control her amazing abilities. We also learn, through this conversation, that she tries to do good when she travels. It's been my firm belief that growing up, Terra wanted to help the people of her country and do things right, but she had no idea what right really was. Everyone tried to manipulate her, from what to think to these strange abilities, and when she finally can run...when she finally gets the courage to leave this oppressive, abusive state, she decides to use her powers as she travels. As she's been away for awhile, I am going to assume Terra has been traveling for at least a year before her appearance in "Terra," and I'm also going to use the popular fanon that she is fourteen at her first appearance. So we have thirteen-year-old Terra, fresh from a life of manipulation and never feeling like she belongs, fresh with powers that she can't control and just a desire not to hurt anyone. What is it that she does with them?
She tries to help people. Terra, the girl who has no reason to help anyone, seeing as how the world's pretty horrible to her, tries to help people. Now, we have Slade's word to go off here, as he's the one who says that everywhere she goes, she tries to help people, and every time, she fails. The look on Terra's face, however, implies that this is a correct assertion. Think about this. Think about how this little girl chooses to try to save people. It implies that she really does want to be a hero. She wants to fight for good, something that she's never gotten the chance to do. However, after at least a year of failure, she's given up this idea.
And then she meets the Titans.
It's a whole new chance for her, a whole new opportunity. She knows who they are, all about them, another hint that she's got a fascination with heroism and people who can actually succeed at helping people. As her hopes get built up, just as everything starts to look like it might turn out okay, Slade tears her down, using his keen knowledge of people and Terra, but Robin to manipulate her, just like everyone else. (Meta on Slade and Robin to be left to your own thoughts, dear readers.)
And then? Then we don't know. We don't see Terra from this point until "Titan Rising," nor do we learn the full extent of her deal with Slade. It's always been my belief that she didn't seek him out, because what about her character would show she would? This man can help her control her powers...but this man also proved very abusive to her when she met him, this man, in the tie-in Titans Go! comics, seems to make her uncomfortable later, from her unease about giving the Titans information and leading them into a trap. This man is a villain. Terra wants to be a hero. You can argue that she, in the midst of another "betrayal," went to him in a moment of weakness, but this is Slade. How could she seek him out in the first place? Therefore, it's my belief that, during another attempt to save people -- likely from a disaster that she causes -- he found her, able to use her distraction to his advantage and save those who she almost kills.
Let's examine this for a moment as well-- kills. Teen Titans has a strong aversion to the words die, death, and kill, mostly because of it's timeslot and marketing to children. However, to be frank, we all know what it means when Slade says Terra fails at saving people. She kills them. A thirteen-year-old girl has on her conscience the death of multiple people who, some from her own destructive powers, she has failed to save. How much would this fuck her up? And someone who, in a time of need, comes to her and tells her he can help, no matter how much she's been told she can't trust him...
Jeez, it's no wonder she, however he comes to her, tells her that he can. What has endlessly fascinated me -- and is a talk for another day -- is what Terra almost tells Beast Boy in "Betrayal." Her exact words are: "He said I owed him, but--" and then we know nothing more of the deal that Terra and Slade made. We know she is to spy on the Titans, but was everything upfront? How much did she fight against this decision? This place-- Titans Tower, which she acknowledges is more of a home than her home country, more of a home than she's ever had-- did she know what she'd have to do to it? A talk for another day, but an important fact to think about.
This is a girl who has had no real friends save for her brother. All friendships are short and fleeting, given her history with running and need to keep doing so. So when her first friend comes at fourteen, a person who she falls for and a person who quite frankly tells her she has no friends, this is Terra's breaking point. And from this point on, she tries hard to be a villain, partly because she's hurt, yes, but what's more is that because she has once again failed at being a hero. This is the final straw. Terra can't be a hero, she comes to the conclusion. This is not for her-- so she will have control over this. She will be the best villain she can because she fails at everything else. Not because she doesn't want to be a hero, but because she can't.
In the end, she is a hero. She saves the city, because this is something only she can do. It's fitting that she can finally stop a disaster she inadvertently causes. Finally, she can make peace with her past and the awful things she's done, and it's fitting that she wants to step up, because after failing so much and running away, she's not going to run from another disaster.
And yet, when she somehow comes out of her cocoon of stone, she runs again. We don't know how she awoke, if she remembers everything at that moment or if it comes back slowly, if she's coherent or confused, whatever. What we do know is, she presumably finds a family and enrolls in school and has been there since the Titans left the city in season five, to go and find other heroes. As it's implied Beast Boy very often visits Terra's statue, she must have emerged from this after they left, and they must have been gone for long enough for her to have settled in. Another talk for another day is also how the people of her high school would not have recognized her and the home she may have settled into. Right now, I am focusing on this fact: that she didn't return to the Titans.
I've seen complaints about this. I've seen confusion over why she didn't go back, if they forgave her. Terra, however, could not forgive herself. She has never been able to forgive herself, and her belief is that she is not a hero, can never be a hero, has failed for the last time and though she saved the city...she will not and cannot risk it again. So she's a hero one last time, in her mind, choosing to never use her powers again and to never go back to the only friends she's ever had, the only people who have shown her unconditional love and acceptance, the only people who she has ever felt comfortable around. That takes guts. Her brother she has always had a bit of worry around, given that he has said she never looked as happy and given that it's outright stated she never fit in in Markovia. The Titans, therefore, are the only home she has had before going into hiding as a normal girl. Even with her past, she has all reason to want to return to them...but she doesn't. She, because she feels like she should never try to be a hero again, turns away from people who will very likely still accept her.
I have seen complaints with "Things Change" for the reason that Terra is regressing and running away from her problems, but looking at it this way, isn't it honestly the most logical progression of her character, and isn't it, in her own way, the most growth we've seen, her letting go of this, in her mind, half-baked notion and idealistic hope of ever being a hero and going to a normal life instead?
I wonder what would've happened if we'd gotten a sixth season. From the writer's own mouth, "Things Change" was to set up for a new storyplot. This implies more Slade and, perhaps, more Terra. After the cancellation, we saw such things in Titans Go! as Jericho, Ravager, and the aforementioned Terra backstory. What would we have seen in the animation? Would this have cropped up again? I can only wonder and speculate. I can only wonder and think that Terra would have had another opportunity to wrestle with her feelings on being a hero, her never-ending struggle to find where she belongs and her very strong moral compass.