ahhhh!
this sucks. im tired as hell. i came home from work yesterday and Ben had a note taped to the wall saying all kinds of different shit but he included that he left me a big line in the cabinet. then we smoked some weed with coke in it then just some regular weed. i fixed my blinker today and bought like 2 sets of lights that dont even work. different ampage or something but i'll fuck with it later. i have a bad toothache but im hungary so im eating skittles. i just wanna go back home and go to bed. im gonna start my period like any minute. well today..... we went out to jaysons and fixed bens car. its so funny he jumped the cyllinoids so it starts by putting the key in the whole and turning it over (expect nothing first) then flip up 2 switches and it starts right up. i thought it was crazy but ive seen other ppl do it too. its ghetto. omg i cant wait till i get that bed. and the new chair is awsome too. the bed is at Daisy's. im getting it tuesday. it will be soooo freakin nice to come home from work and wash my face and change into comfy clothes and bury myself in the blankets. damn im sleepy. all i can think about right now is Karim. im soo sleepy all i wanna do is take a shower get out , dry off put on lotion then open the door naked and let the cold air hit me, then run and jump in his bed and let him get me warm. i love sleeping with him. he so perfect to cuddle with. i love it when its like the middle of the night nad you know how you kinda wake up when ur movin around, well when i move around he like almost grabs me and pulls me to him. damn everyday i hate it that im such a dumbass. i cant imagine where our relationship would be right if i hadnt been such a dumbfuck. i really miss him. i really just miss that i could say anything to him and tell him how i feel cuz i knew he was my man. i cant tell him how happy he makes me and i cant tell him how good it feels to spend time with him, and how much he just makes me happy and how i never get bored with him and im soo into him and i want to make him happy. omg see i could just go on forever. but im working on that. ya know trying to open up to him is not so hard now cuz know he needs to hear it. and i have opened up more now that we are not together.i like it how i see him we do our thing until we cant anymore, pass out, wake up do it again one last time then i leave and dont see him for like another week. i like how we are. becasue i need my space and he gives it to me but i wish he was more like well how do i say this...i guess i wish he was more up my ass. i need to get a phone and things will be peachy. thats what i need to do next. but its been since like fri since i seen him last or even really talked to him. i got him that cd, then i went to work, he went to some party and got drunk and we didnt talk. then the next night was cruise night lastnight as a matter of fact and i didnt call him back. and tonite he's not answering his phone. i hope he calls me back. i miss him. i just cant let go of him all the way. its like i need something there to keep us connected. i dont want to get over him, i just want him to want me as much as i want him and i want us to spend a little bit of time together everyday. i miss that. if we wanted me to and it was possible i would spend all my time there after i get out of work everyday and take a shower and he could have me for the rest of the day. i want him so much i cant stress it enough.