(no subject)
ranting probly won't help... i should know this by now. what eles can i do, its midnight? any way, i sick of this, i bet some people just belive i've gotten better at coping when in reality things haven't changed. they won't, i know what people see, and what they expect, but its hard to get teens to understand just what its like to be in love, and have to talk to the same person about what ifs. i know everyone does it, but hardly anyone has to do such a thing with the anticipation of what might happen. he has to plan a will for who will take custity of his things if something happens, he's 21! its just not right, i know its neccicary people need the drama and the wars to live there lives but, i wish such things weren't true. i mean i love talking about what were going to do once he gets out and in the back of both of our heads is the truth. for at least four more years, if anything happens they could easily pull him back in agianst his will, and he might have to do something much more dangerous. im thankful that he is in the safest place he can be over there, but that doesn't ease my mind. expessially when they could pull him from that position at any second. i know i couldn't handle what he does, but i almost do wish i could be with him, just so i can see he's ok instead of guessing everyday. so many wives watch there husbands go to work everyday, i can't even imagen the horrible reality of one day they don't come home. hours later they find there husband was on the road with a drunk and killed, yet there husband had a perfectly safe job. i instead have to go months with the fear of him not returning... and in honesty... i don't know what i'd do.... the more life goes on... i find i only really have one asperation... its quite simple, and i see so many people with it... sometimes i even become bitter to close friends who have it but, sorry any way all i really want is to someday have the family i didn't. i know things never go perfect, but all i really want is that family that can decently comunicate, and is generally happy with each other. the scarryer thing is i'll easily give up any of that if soething happens to him... i just don't know what eles i'd do.... i love him so much, and he proves so often just how much he loves me... its something i know is rare and sometimes even a pain in the ass to keep, but i'd never change anything..... i just hope no major changes come my way.....