Talk to me now I'm older
One year ago I was posting entries once or twice a week. I was in Beijing and spending time learning life lessons and making cultural observations--or, you know, whatever. Each entry made me feel like I was putting together a compilation of essays--Sedaris style. It's been a long time since I've posted an entry and even longer since I've posted one worth reading.
I've been thinking lately why it's been so long. it's not writer's block--these words are coming fairly easily and I'm not using enough effort crafting my words for it to warrant writer's block. And it's not that there hasn't been anything to write about. There was the end of internship, graduation parties, graduation, Senior Week, out every day, Party at Adam's, back to internship, still out every night, Order of the Phoenix, Lin Zi's stay, HPHPHP, HatP, Deathly Hallows, and other happenings and nonsense. I guess what I've been feeling is that I'm not entitled to update as I am here and entries will fall far below the, not necessarily quality, but interest scales of last year.
But my subscriptions/friends page has been looking bare and maybe the novelty of an update will mask the blandness of my ramblings.
Talk About It.
There was a week some time in late June/early July when I spent time with my mind on Richard Linklater. TV Links surprised me with a link to Before Sunset, a movie I unsuccessfully downloaded a year or two back after seeing Before Sunrise (Sunset lacked audio). I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed Before Sunrise, if not more. A few days later, I TV Linked to Waking Life.
One of the things you can say about Linklater's work is that a lot of it is dependent upon dialogue, which is generally not good as it breeches the 'show, don't tell" idea. I do think Waking Life was less visually appealing than aurally. However, given that the film was rotoscoped live action, Linklater did a decent job with direction.
In the Before movies, however, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy have such great on-screen chemistry, channeling through to their characters' relationship connections with each other, that the dialogue adds, rather than detracts from, the visual quality of the film. They speak to each other so honestly and without inhibitions despite being almost perfect strangers. I envy that: good conversation.
I repeat things. I'll have the same conversation over and over again, repeating the same words in the same way with the same feeling just to be sure I've said it enough, or even to be sure I've said it.
But I need to branch out of the usual conversations about the latest gossip or day to day happenings or what shows up on the feed. I crave something more.
At dinner a few months back, I remember a wildly interesting conversation between five or six girls over racial and cultural expectations. I remember name dropping in a different way, without gasps and exclamations but sighs and silence. We didn't solve anything. We didn't conclude anything. But just talking about it made me feel better even though I wasn't entitled to feel anything of the sort as it really didn't affect me. It felt like one of those conversations that would be initiated by a psychology or philosophy class (not a John philosophy class though) and would ignite a wonderfully long discussion about nature/nurture, expectation/free will, and societal roles. I feel I so rarely touch a topic past three degrees of myself outside of the classroom that it excited me.
That dinner was six months ago. And it's not that I haven't had good conversation since then, but none I can vividly remember as so completely satisfying my need to tongue-tie myself. I could do for another.
So hit me. With anything. I'm ready.