Conflict and Forgiveness
Cooper et al (2007) studied avoidance, anxiety, and reconciliation in macaques (monkeys) after a conflict. They found that female-female opponents showed greater anxiety after a conflict, and were more likely to reconcile, than female-male or male-male opponents, suggesting that "post-conflict anxiety promotes reconciliation."
Language may play a large role in conflict/reconciliation. Horowitz et al (2005) found that boys with language impairments were less able to reconcile conflicts than boys with typical language development. The physical sensations of conflict may also be different for those who have trouble resolving conflicts; Lawler et al (2003) found that conflict resolution/forgiveness correlated with blood pressure and heart rate. Since men and women tend to have different blood pressures and heart rates on average, one might suspect that this would relate to their reconciliatory/forgiveness capacities. However, Lawler did not find this to be the case. Lawler did report that women were more forgiving of a parent than of a friend or partner, while men tended to be equally forgiving in both situations.
As much as I hate unattributed quotes, I have to share one that my mother uses as a signature line in her emails: "holding a grudge is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die." (source unknown) That's the way I've always felt about it, and I have a very hard time staying angry with anyone. It might be that I'm too good at seeing both sides of... well, everything. When I sit back to think about it, I realize that I've always associated both grudge-holding and forgiveness as feminine qualities, which baffles me, except inasmuch as they are both "emotional" reactions. Trying to think about the champion grudgeholders I've known, they seem fairly equally divided, genderwise.
Language may play a large role in conflict/reconciliation. Horowitz et al (2005) found that boys with language impairments were less able to reconcile conflicts than boys with typical language development. The physical sensations of conflict may also be different for those who have trouble resolving conflicts; Lawler et al (2003) found that conflict resolution/forgiveness correlated with blood pressure and heart rate. Since men and women tend to have different blood pressures and heart rates on average, one might suspect that this would relate to their reconciliatory/forgiveness capacities. However, Lawler did not find this to be the case. Lawler did report that women were more forgiving of a parent than of a friend or partner, while men tended to be equally forgiving in both situations.
As much as I hate unattributed quotes, I have to share one that my mother uses as a signature line in her emails: "holding a grudge is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die." (source unknown) That's the way I've always felt about it, and I have a very hard time staying angry with anyone. It might be that I'm too good at seeing both sides of... well, everything. When I sit back to think about it, I realize that I've always associated both grudge-holding and forgiveness as feminine qualities, which baffles me, except inasmuch as they are both "emotional" reactions. Trying to think about the champion grudgeholders I've known, they seem fairly equally divided, genderwise.