stupid
soooooooo, i think i might get back on medication soon, and that kind of scares me and at the same time, it's kind of a relief. yesterday I had a total melt-down. I was a complete mess at work and probably made a huge ass of myself. I've been off my meds for over two years and I've been doing TOTALLY FINE, and then over the last few months, I seem to be falling apart, and I really don't understand why. I've got a great life, and there's really nothing to be upset about....but I find myself being more and more alone, and shit, and it really upsets me. Not like...alone like...don't have anyone to hang out with, because i've got plenty of friends and stuff...just more alone FEELING! I feel completely empty. And I've had a huge mix of manic days and depressed days and I just think I need to talk to someone about it. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday, and I might talk to her about it. I have no fucking clue what's wrong with me..
and then there's matt.
he's like...reeeeeeeally great. He's cute, has a great job, and another job on the side, which I love, and he's got his own place...and all this great shit, and I gave him my phone number, and HE called ME, and HE keeps calling ME, and then tonight we were talking and I got the impression that he might just be playing silly games with me, which isn't a turn on...like...playing hard to get, but a HUGE TURN OFF! It's upsetting, and I hate it! I hate it SO much and it hurts my feelings a LOT!!!
and then there's matt.
he's like...reeeeeeeally great. He's cute, has a great job, and another job on the side, which I love, and he's got his own place...and all this great shit, and I gave him my phone number, and HE called ME, and HE keeps calling ME, and then tonight we were talking and I got the impression that he might just be playing silly games with me, which isn't a turn on...like...playing hard to get, but a HUGE TURN OFF! It's upsetting, and I hate it! I hate it SO much and it hurts my feelings a LOT!!!