(no subject)
I feel hollow. Tell me, why does it hurt so much?
I have trouble expressing my feelings to people, most of the time, especially if I like them. So, after much chewing of my own fingernails, I told a friend how I felt about them.
The answer was indefinate, but it gave me hope.
This morning, said friend tried to kill themself, leaving a note. Luckily people got there in time - I just wish I was there, too.
That, alone hurt enough. To be told that my feelings weren't shared just made the huge chasm in my world split apart.
I'm drowning, now, in a sea of my on sorrow and anger, my rage and my grief.
Why, god, fate, whoever you are, do you keep toying with me this way? Am I better of dead, and forgotten? Or is this another way to tell me what I desperately want, above all else, I cannot have?
I'm feeling hollow, now, and I wish I knew why it hurt so much.