Fic: You gave up (We gave up)
Title: You gave up (We gave up)
Author: el_defe
Beta: lisachanoando ♥♥♥
Fandom: RPF Football
Characters: Iker Casillas/Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite (Kakà)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: AU, angst, hurt/comfort, bromance, religious environment and theme, English language
Word Count: 745 (FDP)
Note: Thanks to liz for giving me this good idea, for her suggestion for the title and for her unmatchable beta-reading work. ♥
Disclaimer: I do not own them and I don't earn anything, except personal and others' amusement.
Intro: Friendship and complicity, intimacy and teamwork, and love, all shattered with the first stone Ricardo casted, even if he wasn’t without sin.
You gave up (We gave up)
«Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.»
Ricardo recognizes the voice almost instantly, even after five years in which he never heard it, and he’s grateful to the solid wood grating that divides them. Somewhere in his heart, he desired they never met again, as he isn’t ready for a moment like this and he knows he’ll never be: still, parting from Iker was the third best choice he have ever had in his life - the second being ordination, and the first knowing him. He replies after a long time (enough to convince himself that, if Iker had come to seek for reconciliation, he wouldn’t go away on his own), softer than he thought he’d be, subconsciously and desperately trying not to be recognized by his old friend.
«What is it that brings you here?»
«It’s been... quite a long time, since my last confession.»
«How long?» Iker doesn’t reply, but Ricardo can’t say if his thick silence comes from shame or from failing to remember. «Secrecy is sacred even for the greatest sins, don’t let any worry affect your confession.»
Iker sighs gently, his breath blowing in a whisper against the wooden grid. «I’m about to lose sanity, Father. I’m about to marry.»
Ricardo feels like his heart is sinking through a bottomless pit, and he has to murmur a wordless prayer before drawing every inch of his remaining strength and reply to Iker, «Why would you say so? Marriage-»
«I know, Father, I know!» Iker’s whispers get dire, almost rude; then, he takes a couple of deep breathes. «I’m sorry, but... I- I do love my girl... and I want to marry her. I want to start a family with her, to have children... and still, I cannot do anything but thinking about someone I lost.»
«Lost?» Ricardo repeats, astonished. It’s me, I lost someone. I lost you.
«I suffered much when... a friend... chose his path. Priesthood. We were quite close before that, but someday he said he heard the Calling, all of a sudden.»
Ricardo still remembers that day. Sara was a newcomer in their evenings among friends for a couple of weeks - nice, informal, well-accepted by everyone - but he knew that Iker would never have brought a girl if he thought she wasn’t the right one. Iker asked him several times what to do to conquer her, and Ricardo helped him with all his heart; Ricardo knew Sara was a good partner for Iker insofar as he couldn’t be, even if Iker was always kind to him and he still insisted to take Ricardo home every time, thus ending his night as early as he used to do. So he said those fatal words, and he never saw Iker again until now. Friendship and complicity, intimacy and teamwork, and love, all shattered with the first stone Ricardo casted, even if he wasn’t without sin.
«I felt like he left me alone,» Iker continues, «I felt abandoned... lost. I swore I would never step in a church anymore. I refused to see him, to hear him, I quit everything I used to do with him. Five years, Father. And now...» Ricardo holds his breath in the very same moment Iker lets his own out, «Now I feel horrible. I loved him more than a friend, in ways a man shouldn’t even think about another man, maybe. Up until now. And I can’t even dare to start searching for him, because I’m a traitor and a coward. This is my sin, Father, but I can’t think about a way to atone for it.»
«There’s always a way,» Ricardo whispers, tears pricking his eyes, «there’s always a way for atonement. Faults are often shared out fairly in misunderstandings. I speak to you as a man, before than a minister, and I have to talk with you at once. Dominus noster Jesus Christus...»
«Father? But... my penance-»
«... ego te absolvo in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.» Ricardo waits for the soft Amen from the other side of the grating, before calling him. «Iker.»
Iker doesn’t answer, not with words: he exits from the confessional in a hurry, his eyes wide-opened in shock when he finds Ricardo coming out of his place, and he stands almost paralyzed in front of the now-grown-up priest. Ricardo raises a feeble, contrite smile, and Iker runs towards him and hugs him so tightly he almost falls to the ground.
«Forgive me,» Ricardo sobs out a thousand times, brushing his cheek on Iker’s one. Their hug gets even tighter.
A/N: For non-Latin speakers: "May our Lord Jesus Christ [...] and I absolve you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit" is part of one of the most used formula for absolution in the Penance sacrament.
Author: el_defe
Beta: lisachanoando ♥♥♥
Fandom: RPF Football
Characters: Iker Casillas/Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite (Kakà)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: AU, angst, hurt/comfort, bromance, religious environment and theme, English language
Word Count: 745 (FDP)
Note: Thanks to liz for giving me this good idea, for her suggestion for the title and for her unmatchable beta-reading work. ♥
Disclaimer: I do not own them and I don't earn anything, except personal and others' amusement.
Intro: Friendship and complicity, intimacy and teamwork, and love, all shattered with the first stone Ricardo casted, even if he wasn’t without sin.
You gave up (We gave up)
«Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.»
Ricardo recognizes the voice almost instantly, even after five years in which he never heard it, and he’s grateful to the solid wood grating that divides them. Somewhere in his heart, he desired they never met again, as he isn’t ready for a moment like this and he knows he’ll never be: still, parting from Iker was the third best choice he have ever had in his life - the second being ordination, and the first knowing him. He replies after a long time (enough to convince himself that, if Iker had come to seek for reconciliation, he wouldn’t go away on his own), softer than he thought he’d be, subconsciously and desperately trying not to be recognized by his old friend.
«What is it that brings you here?»
«It’s been... quite a long time, since my last confession.»
«How long?» Iker doesn’t reply, but Ricardo can’t say if his thick silence comes from shame or from failing to remember. «Secrecy is sacred even for the greatest sins, don’t let any worry affect your confession.»
Iker sighs gently, his breath blowing in a whisper against the wooden grid. «I’m about to lose sanity, Father. I’m about to marry.»
Ricardo feels like his heart is sinking through a bottomless pit, and he has to murmur a wordless prayer before drawing every inch of his remaining strength and reply to Iker, «Why would you say so? Marriage-»
«I know, Father, I know!» Iker’s whispers get dire, almost rude; then, he takes a couple of deep breathes. «I’m sorry, but... I- I do love my girl... and I want to marry her. I want to start a family with her, to have children... and still, I cannot do anything but thinking about someone I lost.»
«Lost?» Ricardo repeats, astonished. It’s me, I lost someone. I lost you.
«I suffered much when... a friend... chose his path. Priesthood. We were quite close before that, but someday he said he heard the Calling, all of a sudden.»
Ricardo still remembers that day. Sara was a newcomer in their evenings among friends for a couple of weeks - nice, informal, well-accepted by everyone - but he knew that Iker would never have brought a girl if he thought she wasn’t the right one. Iker asked him several times what to do to conquer her, and Ricardo helped him with all his heart; Ricardo knew Sara was a good partner for Iker insofar as he couldn’t be, even if Iker was always kind to him and he still insisted to take Ricardo home every time, thus ending his night as early as he used to do. So he said those fatal words, and he never saw Iker again until now. Friendship and complicity, intimacy and teamwork, and love, all shattered with the first stone Ricardo casted, even if he wasn’t without sin.
«I felt like he left me alone,» Iker continues, «I felt abandoned... lost. I swore I would never step in a church anymore. I refused to see him, to hear him, I quit everything I used to do with him. Five years, Father. And now...» Ricardo holds his breath in the very same moment Iker lets his own out, «Now I feel horrible. I loved him more than a friend, in ways a man shouldn’t even think about another man, maybe. Up until now. And I can’t even dare to start searching for him, because I’m a traitor and a coward. This is my sin, Father, but I can’t think about a way to atone for it.»
«There’s always a way,» Ricardo whispers, tears pricking his eyes, «there’s always a way for atonement. Faults are often shared out fairly in misunderstandings. I speak to you as a man, before than a minister, and I have to talk with you at once. Dominus noster Jesus Christus...»
«Father? But... my penance-»
«... ego te absolvo in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.» Ricardo waits for the soft Amen from the other side of the grating, before calling him. «Iker.»
Iker doesn’t answer, not with words: he exits from the confessional in a hurry, his eyes wide-opened in shock when he finds Ricardo coming out of his place, and he stands almost paralyzed in front of the now-grown-up priest. Ricardo raises a feeble, contrite smile, and Iker runs towards him and hugs him so tightly he almost falls to the ground.
«Forgive me,» Ricardo sobs out a thousand times, brushing his cheek on Iker’s one. Their hug gets even tighter.
A/N: For non-Latin speakers: "May our Lord Jesus Christ [...] and I absolve you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit" is part of one of the most used formula for absolution in the Penance sacrament.