Mumblers Anonymous
Just so this doesn't turn into an "all-Teaa, all the time" journal (although who out there really minds?), I thought I'd turn more reflective in this post. No, not like Neo taking the red pill reflective. I mean emotionally reflective. Specifically, my pet peeves. We all have them. Some of them are legitimate: people who say "y'know?" after every sentence, having to wait in long lines, etc. Some are more irrational and person-specific: being bothered by the word "moist," people who let their fork drag across their teeth when they're eating, and the like. Some of these pet peeves are just mildly annoying when they happen. And some of them set off a small bloom of rage inside us that has to be quickly tamped down so that we don't come off like an overreacting asshole.
A lot of mine -- like people who can't spell "your/you're" and "their/there/they're" -- are in the former category. But there's a couple for me that are in the latter category. One of them -- people who flake or show up late without calling -- is a pretty reasonable gripe. However, the other...not so much. Namely, I can't stand it when people can't hear me. The irrational (and unfair) part of that is that I'm a very quiet person. I don't say much and, when I do, it's usually just pitched to only be audible to people within a 4 or 5 foot radius of me. I've got years of theatre training. I can project to a back wall. I work on phones every day at my job and regularly make pages that go out over the entire office. But in my off-time, when I'm just me, I'm positively laconic. It's a product of my shyness and lingering self-esteem issues. I'm a ponderer, a brooder. I'm "inside my head" a lot of the time. Therefore, when I make an effort to speak, I have this perversely egotistic belief that people should tune into me immediately like freakin' E.F. Hutton or Buddha. And hey, I know I'm not that important and probably whatever comment I'm choosing to utter isn't earth-shattering or anything, but dammit, I'm making the effort so you betta reco'nize, knowwhutahmsayin'?
Which brings me to Teaa. (You knew it was coming, didn't you?)
With my past girlfriends, after a few weeks with me, they've been able to "tune into my frequency," so to speak, i.e. they learn to listen for those faint sounds when they notice my lips are moving. And Teaa, for whatever reason, is not as quick at picking this up. To be clear, this is an observation, not a knock on her. It'd be like getting mad at her for not having heat vision (although when she fixes you with that smoldering look....but I digress). It might just take her longer to pick it up. Or maybe she won't ever pick it up. I dunno. Point is, it's not her fault that she can't hear me sometimes, but it still triggers that rage inside of me. (As a sidenote, it's funny that I get so mad about this, 'cause I'm the same way in loud environments. We went to Bar Sin the other day and I could only pick out every third word she screamed into my ear.) And while with most people, I'd just give up and stay silent or better yet, go find someone willing to listen, I can't do that with her. I love her and we're together for the duration.
So I have to change. And, for once, it's not begrudgingly.
OK, a little begrudgingly, but still. In the words of Nicholson, she "makes me want to be a better man." And if that means speaking up and not acting like such a brat, well, that's just what I'll have to do. But only for her. The rest of you -- listen up! And if, like most (except for Michael -- big ups for him), you didn't catch whatever gem that just fell from my lips, just smile and say, "wow, yeah, you're totally right."