ruled by appointments
I got the H1N1 flu shot yesterday. I can't lift my arm up higher than my shoulder now because it's so stiff and sore. Plus, my 35 pound son wants me to carry him around! I can't believe how big he's getting and how quickly he's growing. He's already over 1/3 of my body weight.
The prozac has been making me feel kinda nauseous and giving me stomach cramps. It has helped a bit with cutting down on purging (as the doctor said it might). Instead of purging 3-4 times per day I only did it 2x per day and a few days I went totally p-free. I think it's definitely helping and hasn't made me gain any weight. I've kinda turned my mind around a little bit regarding quitting purging. It's too much to expect myself to stop cold turkey, so I am telling myself, I'm allowed certain days (2x / week) where I can b/p. All the other days I am trying not to. In this way I hope I can make some progress and not be so overwhelmed by a huge change all at once.
December is already speeding by so quickly. Our tree is up but I haven't done any Christmassy stuff with Zach yet. I'm going to bake a mini gingerbread house and let him decorate it while I do a bigger centerpiece one.
I'm getting so sick of going to appointments, taking time off work, rushing here and there to see this doctor, that nutritionist, 2 psychologists, etc. I feel like I'm getting so worn down just by making myself go to these. I used to love talking to my therapist but now it's become more of a chore, a commute in the cold weather. I see either of two things happening here: either I am outgrowing my T since I've already seen her for 8-9 years or I'm getting into such a low - depressed-like - that I can't even motivate myself to go. I'm not sure.
There are days I look in the mirror and I totally don’t know the person I'm looking at. A logical part of me says I'm small but the image doesn't match. I waste so much time staring at myself trying to make it all make sense but it still doesn't.
The prozac has been making me feel kinda nauseous and giving me stomach cramps. It has helped a bit with cutting down on purging (as the doctor said it might). Instead of purging 3-4 times per day I only did it 2x per day and a few days I went totally p-free. I think it's definitely helping and hasn't made me gain any weight. I've kinda turned my mind around a little bit regarding quitting purging. It's too much to expect myself to stop cold turkey, so I am telling myself, I'm allowed certain days (2x / week) where I can b/p. All the other days I am trying not to. In this way I hope I can make some progress and not be so overwhelmed by a huge change all at once.
December is already speeding by so quickly. Our tree is up but I haven't done any Christmassy stuff with Zach yet. I'm going to bake a mini gingerbread house and let him decorate it while I do a bigger centerpiece one.
I'm getting so sick of going to appointments, taking time off work, rushing here and there to see this doctor, that nutritionist, 2 psychologists, etc. I feel like I'm getting so worn down just by making myself go to these. I used to love talking to my therapist but now it's become more of a chore, a commute in the cold weather. I see either of two things happening here: either I am outgrowing my T since I've already seen her for 8-9 years or I'm getting into such a low - depressed-like - that I can't even motivate myself to go. I'm not sure.
There are days I look in the mirror and I totally don’t know the person I'm looking at. A logical part of me says I'm small but the image doesn't match. I waste so much time staring at myself trying to make it all make sense but it still doesn't.