melancholia
"Nothing's gonna change my world..."
i'm trying to figure out in my head and my heart why i don't do well with alone. I figure it has to be because ,well, i've never really been alone that much in my life. I mean, i was not alone in the womb, then i grew up in a very tight-knit family, then at 18 i went off to New York WITH Di, then came to St. Mike's with her, then fell in love and bonded with my soulmate, then had children, fell in love with them....(still am, i suppose)...and now, they're spreading their wings, and i am facing a sort of transition in my life. ~ You gotta be happy with who you are, when you're left alone with yourself. And i like me...so i don't think that's the problem. But i hate getting blue and feeling incomplete. It makes for great sad songs and beautiful music, but it sucks in real life. Am i too dependent on Caela and Jeremy for my emotional needs? God, i don't want to be one of those mothers....ick. And i am so blessed to have my family...i'd like to NOT be needy when i'm with them, just whole. So, the question is, how do i get out of my own way and be present to THEM? Desire is good, i have that. I just need to be real, and spontaneous, and not self-absorbed...like, ummm, right now?
Yep, that's it. Focus on the whobodies in your life, and you'll remember how good life really is. And the whobodies that you miss? Well, just miss them, and be glad they ever were there to touch your life in the first place.
So, i guess it's ok to be a little sad sometimes...but if i ever lose my perspective on life being a gift to savor every day, please do two things: gently kick me in the ass, and then a hug would be good. thanks.
i'm trying to figure out in my head and my heart why i don't do well with alone. I figure it has to be because ,well, i've never really been alone that much in my life. I mean, i was not alone in the womb, then i grew up in a very tight-knit family, then at 18 i went off to New York WITH Di, then came to St. Mike's with her, then fell in love and bonded with my soulmate, then had children, fell in love with them....(still am, i suppose)...and now, they're spreading their wings, and i am facing a sort of transition in my life. ~ You gotta be happy with who you are, when you're left alone with yourself. And i like me...so i don't think that's the problem. But i hate getting blue and feeling incomplete. It makes for great sad songs and beautiful music, but it sucks in real life. Am i too dependent on Caela and Jeremy for my emotional needs? God, i don't want to be one of those mothers....ick. And i am so blessed to have my family...i'd like to NOT be needy when i'm with them, just whole. So, the question is, how do i get out of my own way and be present to THEM? Desire is good, i have that. I just need to be real, and spontaneous, and not self-absorbed...like, ummm, right now?
Yep, that's it. Focus on the whobodies in your life, and you'll remember how good life really is. And the whobodies that you miss? Well, just miss them, and be glad they ever were there to touch your life in the first place.
So, i guess it's ok to be a little sad sometimes...but if i ever lose my perspective on life being a gift to savor every day, please do two things: gently kick me in the ass, and then a hug would be good. thanks.