(no subject)
Lots of interesting conversation going on in my life - mostly concerning the ins/out, positives/negatives, state/definition of polyamory and new relationships. S is (again) in primary partneship mode; as in, she wants me as hers. This means that she wants to set HER boundaries on our relationship. I keep offering compromises, but she keeps insisting that she's compromised as far as she can go. We usually end up at yet another dead end and stop discussion for some time. I know how I feel and what I want (now - things tend to morph over time depending upon new input), and I keep finding these very interesting people who claim that they are poly, too, but then don't go along with what I think the program is (NOT narrowing but expanding the relationship and certainly NOT controlling it, either). I do try to keep "the program" open-minded because people are just different (and that's just one of the things that I like about poly) and have different ideas, kinks, thoughts, boundaries, etc. It gets tough sometimes when you love someone and don't want to let them go, but may have to. Been here before and been unhappy about it, too. I know that I have to be true to myself because I've tried conforming to others expectations many times in the past and have ended up tre unhappy and messy things have occurred as a result. So, I'm treading water in this relationship with S and continuing to develop my other relationships as well. This, too shall pass (and will work out just the way it's supposed to, probably not any way that I could have imagined, as usual!) Please tell me that I'm not whining.