On breastfeeding
"Are you still breastfeeding?" or "Are you still feeding baby yourself?" are the two top questions i get when questioned by well meaning visitors.
Z: Yup.
The next question is usually "When are you planning to stop breastfeeding?" After a minute of blustering (because i honestly don't know the answer), the person would invariably say, "Oh you should stop soon right? You should stop breastfeeding at one year when the baby can ask for it because it's gross." or around that ilk. Many people have strong views about when to stop breastfeeding and how i should use my body.
"Why are you breast feeding for so long?" is another question i get. Ruth is about 5 and a half months, by the way. If one breastfeeds the baby for a bit in the beginning (a week or a month), the baby gets some antibodies and the good stuff from mommy. Formula is so good these days it could provide the nutrients to make a healthy baby. The only answer i can give them is this:
"Breastfeeding is making your own milk. It's like knitting your own jumper. Sure you can buy a beautiful knitted jumper from the store, but i just like making my own."
As you know, i am a strong proponent of making things from scratch, from spinning my own wool, growing my own herbs and plants, making my own bread and pasta, weaving bracelets, and sewing my own clothes. What i knit isn't the best (rather like my own caffeine and alcohol laden breastmilk LOL) but it's mine and unique. I suppose i will stop making my own milk when it suits me.
When i interviewed my aunties and mother, i realise that breastfeeding wasn't very big in the generation before. Many of them said that they tried but had low milk supply and so they started topping up with formula and then their milk slowly but surely dried up and the formula took a higher and higher proportion of each feed until they stopped breastfeeding altogether, after a month or so.
I'm sure many people do have a low milk supply and hence needed the formula, but in the same way, i believe that many individuals who stopped breastfeeding could have continued if they wanted to if they received the same amount of support i did from lactation consultants and friends. They did not have a weekly mothers' group run by midwives telling you to hold the line and not give up and offer help on latching. I was observed and taught to disengage babe Ruth when she stopped feeding and was using me as a pacifier. I was helped so much in the early days.
The mother's body is Keynsian- 'Demand creates its own supply'. That's why moms are encouraged to pump a lot during the first weeks to create an oversupply of milk, so that you always will have enough. Typically, breastfeeding goes ok. Then, baby goes through the first growth spurt at about 4 weeks and the baby can't get enough milk from mommy. 2 hourly feeds become 1 hourly feeds and the first thing the mother thinks is 'My milk is running out'. No, my friend, your milk is not running out. The more you feed the more you produce. There is also a lag time between baby feeding more to encourage you to produce more, and you actually producing more. It takes a week or so. But by day 2 of the growth spurt, the loving yet skittish first time mom is terrified that baby is starving and they have already started topping up with formula. This probably happened to my aunts and relatives. Asian moms are obsessed with feeding and stuffing us kids full of food. A baby that is hungry is the worst kind of torture. So demand is reduced as baby drinks the formula instead of drinking from mommy, and the supply indeed is reduced, and the low milk supply prophecy is fulfilled.
The advice i would offer is this : If the baby seems satisfied after each feed and stops crying, then your milk is enough. You might have to do many feeds in a day but that's ok. If baby is crying from hunger after a feed, then you might have a problem with milk supply. Oh yes, make sure that baby was actually hungry to begin with, instead of tired. I made the mistake of thinking Ruth was hungry and fed her instead of making her sleep. She cried after the feed and i thought it was my milk supply. It wasn't. I just wasn't giving her what she wanted.
Of course i thought my milk was running out. Every first time mom blames herself for anything that goes wrong with baby. They can't believe that the baby is going through so many changes that it can't help crying. Ruth was probably crying because she wanted me to cuddle her more instead of putting her down when my arms were tired! Moms always think that their babies are hungry when in fact the baby is tired or bored or wants more cuddles. I've seen experienced moms interrogate me ruthlessly when babe Ruth cries after 10 seconds. 'IS SHE TOO HOT OR COLD? IS SHE HUNGRY?? SHE MUST HATE HER HARNESS. SHE MUST BE HUNGRY'.
MAKE THE CRYING STOP!
Chill out. Relax, it's just crying. Reassess the evidence. Not everything is because of hunger, and sometimes, (especially during a growth spurt), a bit of crying is normal. 10 seconds isn't too long you know?
Last thing - HOLD THE LINE.
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