Mothering Ruth
I won't say that I am a natural mother. I knew nothing about babies and relied heavily on friends and the hospital on info on how to mother Ruth. The midwives at the hospital (we stayed there for 5 nights) taught us how to breastfeed, change diapers, bath, and play with baby. My friend Denise lent us this book called 'The Baby Whisperer', and i tried to adhere to her E.A.S.Y philosophy of Eat, Play, Sleep, You time from day one.
For the first 6 weeks, it was pretty hard to follow. I couldn't read Ruth's signals at all. I had no idea if she was hungry, tired or just grumpy, and it didn't help that my mother kept on telling me that she was hungry and implied that i was starving my baby when i insisted that she wasn't hungry as she had just fed.
I decided to just go with the flow and keep Ruth happy. She ate, played, slept, or didn't sleep or just fed to sleep. I fed her liberally and cuddled her a lot. I rocked her to sleep and ignored the pleas of books and my child health nurse, who, at week 2, told me to leave Ruth in her cot and let her go to sleep by herself.
At week 6, Ruth hit her 10lb mark which was the indicator that i could start a routine. This 10lb rule was what Jo told me about and i haven't seen it mentioned anywhere else but it's a great rule. It was also around then that i discovered Dr Harvey Karp and his amazing calming technique. I began to feed Ruth in 3 hour blocks, and her days (and mine) started revolving around these 3 hour cycles. It wasn't as hard as i thought it would be because i had practiced and used those Karp techniques well. Now i could stop Ruth from crying at will, and so we used those techniques to stretch the times between feeds until the 3 hour mark.
From the beginning, Ruth had OK night sleep. She was average, waking up 2 times a night, feeding, and plunging back into sleep. On a bad night, it took me 1-2 hours to get her back to sleep and i was miserable and upset in the mornings. She slept 3-4 hours stretches on good days and 2 hours on others. It was manageable. We always had a good bedtime routine. Observing Denise and her bedtime routine with her kid, Amara (who slept well as a baby) inspired us to do the same - and of course, a good, consistent routine is recommended by all books. In the beginning she went to bed for the night at about 9-10, then at week 6 we decided that we wanted her in bed by 8, so we just moved everything to make it happen.
Ruth fell into the feeding routine pretty well, in less than a week, but her naps were all over the place. The Balrog didn't really sleep! The only nap i could depend on was the 7am cycle one, where she at least pleasured me with a 20 min nap for me to shower. Everything else was up to the Gods.
By week 8, Ruth began to be just that wee bit more easy to mother. She dropped one night feed so i was up only once a night. She happily accepted the bottle of EBM (expressed breast milk) that daddy gave her in the evenings (from week 6-7 methinks) and went to sleep at a predictable time. We had our evenings back (most of the time!) and with our skills at stopping her crying, the only issue was her lack of daytime naps and the fact that we were still rocking her to sleep instead of teaching her how to sleep by herself.
Note - because of the lack of afternoon naps, Ruth had a daily sleep of 10-13 hours, which is less than the national average! But that's not enough - Ruth seemed tired, overtired even, in the days. You know that she was trying to nap, but just can't or won't. (Maybe i was going out too much and stimulating her too much). She does have a good temperament, so she wasn't that grizzly, but i used to joke that 'Ruth does overtired really well'.
I was just about to accept the current state of affairs, until week 9, where we are now.
I received a home visit from Nagala - a government organisation in Australia who teaches you how to raise your child. They've got a helpline to call in emergencies, but for a tidy fee, you could get your own nurse to do a detailed study of you and your baby for 3 hours. I called and asked for help to improve Ruth's naps.
This nurse encouraged me to try getting Ruth to sleep independently, by putting her awake in her cot and then to shush and pat her, picking her up if necessary, until she fell asleep. I was skeptical and felt it would never happen. We had already been trying Karp's 'Wake and Sleep' technique, where we would cuddle baby to sleep and then wake her up when we put her in the cot. It wasn't very successful. She either woke up fully and cried, causing us to give up and just rock her into a deep sleep, or she was so much in her deep sleep it was impossible to wake her. Nothing really made her sleep in the afternoons either. Only the carrier worked.
However, i was open to anything, and the nurse, Gail, helped Ruth into her 2nd morning nap (the hardest one for her) after 45 minutes of settling. I was impressed! It could be done!
I think things are coming together. Ruth, at 9 weeks, is more receptive to being put to sleep in this way, than when she was 2 weeks old. She also seems more receptive to the E.A.S.Y way, as well, but naps only come without a gigantuan struggle in a familiar environment of her nursery when i employ the predictable routine of closing the curtains, swaddling her (impossible when you're popping her in and out of the car) and switching on the white noise. When we are outside, I still feed Ruth on her schedule, but she won't nap, or she will, or she will nap straight after feeding instead of playing. It's just a mess of making it work and not making her cry.
So the goal is from now till 3 months, i should put Ruth on the E.A.S.Y routine, for at least 2 cycles a day. Hopefully her naps will improve (it did this afternoon) and then i will have a happy rested baby that has an acceptable nap and sleep schedule. Fingers crossed.
By the way, please don't comment about how i'm over analysing my baby and i should just relax. I am a professional analyst, for goodness sake and I can't operate any other way. If i had a magic mother's intuition i wouldn't be reading so many books and soliciting advice!
For the first 6 weeks, it was pretty hard to follow. I couldn't read Ruth's signals at all. I had no idea if she was hungry, tired or just grumpy, and it didn't help that my mother kept on telling me that she was hungry and implied that i was starving my baby when i insisted that she wasn't hungry as she had just fed.
I decided to just go with the flow and keep Ruth happy. She ate, played, slept, or didn't sleep or just fed to sleep. I fed her liberally and cuddled her a lot. I rocked her to sleep and ignored the pleas of books and my child health nurse, who, at week 2, told me to leave Ruth in her cot and let her go to sleep by herself.
At week 6, Ruth hit her 10lb mark which was the indicator that i could start a routine. This 10lb rule was what Jo told me about and i haven't seen it mentioned anywhere else but it's a great rule. It was also around then that i discovered Dr Harvey Karp and his amazing calming technique. I began to feed Ruth in 3 hour blocks, and her days (and mine) started revolving around these 3 hour cycles. It wasn't as hard as i thought it would be because i had practiced and used those Karp techniques well. Now i could stop Ruth from crying at will, and so we used those techniques to stretch the times between feeds until the 3 hour mark.
From the beginning, Ruth had OK night sleep. She was average, waking up 2 times a night, feeding, and plunging back into sleep. On a bad night, it took me 1-2 hours to get her back to sleep and i was miserable and upset in the mornings. She slept 3-4 hours stretches on good days and 2 hours on others. It was manageable. We always had a good bedtime routine. Observing Denise and her bedtime routine with her kid, Amara (who slept well as a baby) inspired us to do the same - and of course, a good, consistent routine is recommended by all books. In the beginning she went to bed for the night at about 9-10, then at week 6 we decided that we wanted her in bed by 8, so we just moved everything to make it happen.
Ruth fell into the feeding routine pretty well, in less than a week, but her naps were all over the place. The Balrog didn't really sleep! The only nap i could depend on was the 7am cycle one, where she at least pleasured me with a 20 min nap for me to shower. Everything else was up to the Gods.
By week 8, Ruth began to be just that wee bit more easy to mother. She dropped one night feed so i was up only once a night. She happily accepted the bottle of EBM (expressed breast milk) that daddy gave her in the evenings (from week 6-7 methinks) and went to sleep at a predictable time. We had our evenings back (most of the time!) and with our skills at stopping her crying, the only issue was her lack of daytime naps and the fact that we were still rocking her to sleep instead of teaching her how to sleep by herself.
Note - because of the lack of afternoon naps, Ruth had a daily sleep of 10-13 hours, which is less than the national average! But that's not enough - Ruth seemed tired, overtired even, in the days. You know that she was trying to nap, but just can't or won't. (Maybe i was going out too much and stimulating her too much). She does have a good temperament, so she wasn't that grizzly, but i used to joke that 'Ruth does overtired really well'.
I was just about to accept the current state of affairs, until week 9, where we are now.
I received a home visit from Nagala - a government organisation in Australia who teaches you how to raise your child. They've got a helpline to call in emergencies, but for a tidy fee, you could get your own nurse to do a detailed study of you and your baby for 3 hours. I called and asked for help to improve Ruth's naps.
This nurse encouraged me to try getting Ruth to sleep independently, by putting her awake in her cot and then to shush and pat her, picking her up if necessary, until she fell asleep. I was skeptical and felt it would never happen. We had already been trying Karp's 'Wake and Sleep' technique, where we would cuddle baby to sleep and then wake her up when we put her in the cot. It wasn't very successful. She either woke up fully and cried, causing us to give up and just rock her into a deep sleep, or she was so much in her deep sleep it was impossible to wake her. Nothing really made her sleep in the afternoons either. Only the carrier worked.
However, i was open to anything, and the nurse, Gail, helped Ruth into her 2nd morning nap (the hardest one for her) after 45 minutes of settling. I was impressed! It could be done!
I think things are coming together. Ruth, at 9 weeks, is more receptive to being put to sleep in this way, than when she was 2 weeks old. She also seems more receptive to the E.A.S.Y way, as well, but naps only come without a gigantuan struggle in a familiar environment of her nursery when i employ the predictable routine of closing the curtains, swaddling her (impossible when you're popping her in and out of the car) and switching on the white noise. When we are outside, I still feed Ruth on her schedule, but she won't nap, or she will, or she will nap straight after feeding instead of playing. It's just a mess of making it work and not making her cry.
So the goal is from now till 3 months, i should put Ruth on the E.A.S.Y routine, for at least 2 cycles a day. Hopefully her naps will improve (it did this afternoon) and then i will have a happy rested baby that has an acceptable nap and sleep schedule. Fingers crossed.
By the way, please don't comment about how i'm over analysing my baby and i should just relax. I am a professional analyst, for goodness sake and I can't operate any other way. If i had a magic mother's intuition i wouldn't be reading so many books and soliciting advice!